Alex discovered facts that revealed flaws in the man she loved, Creighton. Creighton had slept with a woman early on in their relationship and while he intended to protect her from transgressions, all darkness comes to light. Now she struggled with the concept of forgiveness. On the one hand, enough time had passed that Alex could look past what was once an insecurity Creighton dealt with. On the other hand, betrayal and lies don’t build trust, in any scenario.
“Look, successful men have women approach them, tempt them, reach out to them and it can feel like constant temptation. Statistically, it is human nature to fail, or at least as a man, it can feel that way. Your experience, I hate to say it, isn’t unique, and this experience isn’t finite. You know that Alex.”
“I know, that is why all I asked for was honesty, to talk to me. How can someone fail at that?”
“Because we are human and hard conversations, you know, are easier said than done. Does he want to change his behavior? Does he really love you? Is he willing to re-build your trust?”
“I don’t know.”
Clayton sighed, “Look, I am sure he cares about you. At some point, you have to stop being the cool girl and really ask for what you want. Stop settling for half-truths and unmatched effort.”
. . .
Alex knew she trusted too much, loved too hard, and ignored her intensely powerful instincts. Creighton’s ego was driving their relationships. His self-sabotage was rearing its ugly head and revealing his focus on transactional connections to fill his emotional emptiness. Alex was always there to pick up the pieces, Alex was a cool girl, but deep down, a healer.
“Alex, he should be asking your permission, not your forgiveness. Men find it much harder, to be honest with the act of cheating than they let on. The weight is a lot to carry on both sides. No one feels good about hurting someone they care about. You just have to trust your instinct. You know him.”
“Do I?”
Clayton continued, “Plus, you’ve carried heavier bags before. I know if anyone is prepared to handle a cheating man with grace, it’s you.”
. . .
Two friends with an old secret.
Alex rolled these thoughts around in her mind like a big ice cube in a whiskey glass. The pain a cool girl carries can be heavier than the human eye would know. Behind the façade of her idgaf attitude, the cool girl does everything in her power not to break down.
Alex grappled with the idea that someone had crossed her. Creighton was a good guy making terrible choices. Men always want the cool girl, they confide in her, they drink with her, go to clubs with her, enjoy her company, and desire her. Men always want the cool girl to be theirs, but that is only until she is — then the freedom shakes them to their core.
The grass is unusually green, so self-sabotage happens.
A cool girl world includes a history filled with accepting men’s indiscretions. A cool girl, already knows it happens, watching her guy friends and their actions often play out with other women. The cool girl pretends she isn’t judging, but her eyes cannot unsee the ugly. The normalization of their flaws can feel strange only when she speaks to less “woke” women. Women that don’t understand the weight of masculinity that a cool girl observes.
In a cool girl’s world, this notion of chill invites men to fall in love with her easily. Then, as time with a cool girl continues, she will give him the freedoms he never had, but men don’t always know their demons. So they stumble around aimlessly afraid of messing up, only to mess up more.
A cool girl like Alex shakes off their pain, which confuses men more. No yelling, no screaming? No. A cool girl observes and understands pain. She’s seen it, heard it, felt it, and repaired it more times than she can count. The truth is, when I see a cool girl like Alex at the bar, as she stands laughing with a bunch of men surrounding her, and many women are jealous, but my heart burns for her. My heart burns because cool girls are healers. Cool girls are surrounded, by truth, and that is a heavy sort of energy to hold.
Always playing chess when all she ever wanted was a simple game of checkers, the cool girl pretends chess is easy, but she knows it’s not. The cool girl gives men all that they think they want, and at first it’s as if men can’t get enough, until enough is enough, and then it’s too much.
The cool girl feels the pain of every broken man and she holds unspeakable truths. The kind of truth that creates cracks in the soul and murmurs in the heart. A cool girl has shattered so many times under the weight of broken men, that she has no choice but to ask for the truth, that is her power, to know and be known.
The cool girl is a romantic deep down because, at the end of the day, she believes one day, a single man will stop running from her acceptance and stand beside her. A cool girl will heal the men that are afraid to love because she will stand there in it, that is why they surround her at the bar. We all want love, but we all can’t stand the rain of it.
—
This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
***
If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project and want a deeper connection with our community, please join us as a Premium Member today.
Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS. Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—
Photo credit: Unsplash