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There has been a lot of “Oprah speak” about “mindfulness” and being in the moment. Being “present” in the “now” in order to improve the quality of your own life, as well as that of your loved ones and the people you encounter.
I personally seek to define things in a context before I attempt to dismantle it or accept it. I have accepted “mindfulness” as my own personal mantra given the bizarre state of the world at this moment in time: The threat of war, the threat of environmental disaster, a rogue leadership in government and last but certainly not least that the women, mothers, girls that we love….live their lives essentially as prey (there is no other way to say that).
One could seriously lose their mind if our thoughts were focused on all the negativity that seems to bombard us daily. Being “mindful” does not imply perfection. In my definition, it implies that there is “continual improvement.” You work diligently to be the person you hope to be (your best) for those in your orbit and even those who you come into contact with whom you may never see again. For those of us who try to “walk in the light”, to show love, compassion and seek to “do no harm” we learn to be focused at our place in the universe, on this “plane” at the given moment in time that we are vibrating as part of the emotional ecosystem that gives hope even in the darkest of times and make no mistake, we are living in Nostradamus level dark times.
There are two definitions of “mindfulness” that resonate with me. The first is from the Oxford Dictionary:
A mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.
The second is from Mindful.org, which defines it this way:
Mindfulness is the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us.
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In order to actively cultivate mindfulness in my personal life, I practice these 10 things. In reading them, I hope you find something that touches you or brings you to realize that something that you are already doing has you on the path:
1. Spend time with little children: Paying attention and engaging with them fully and immersing yourself into what matters in their world, is a critical part of refocusing. What most of us remember as adults are the adults that paid undivided attention to us either in play or in discussion. Return the favor to the next generation.
2. Clean and organize personal space: I am a creature of order. Everything in my life has a place. Clutter disorganizes your thoughts and leaves you feeling out of control (yes, part of this is “perception”) So I take the time to ensure that everything is in its physical, material place (besides, you also just simply feel better)
3. Spend time alone: I am not talking Serial Killer alone, or Mad Cat Lady alone, I am talking about alone time enriching yourself, or just being in your own head listening to nature, being in nature. There are real health benefits to “tree-hugging” and walking barefoot to connect with nature. There are people who fear to be alone, and some of these same people should seriously not be left alone in their own heads for too long. But, when you have mastered the benefits of that quiet mental time, free of distractions (no phone), you let go of worry, anxiety, and the things that may feel important but aren’t, in retrospect. Quiet time, even sitting in a chair learning how to meditate, or just focusing in on your breathing, your heart rate, the sounds of your loved ones….its rejuvenating and mentally cleansing.
4. Exercise: OK here I can do better (especially in the winter) but exercise can mean a walk, some lifting, some physical activity that raises the heart rate, that ensures your lungs take in fresh air. When you are done, the high and the mental clarity are priceless. You are relaxed, confident and in a mental space to take on what is required of you in the secular world.
5. Do laundry: Yup, seriously. Studies have shown that people who break up their day with chores actually refocus and can go back to their work or task with renewed clarity and focus. I choose laundry (or dishwashing by hand) as a brainless chore (both of which I excel at since I have been doing both since I was a pre-teen) and I take pride in keeping the kitchen space clean, in ensuring my clothes are clean and neatly refreshed and folded and it helps me ensure that I stay in my lane with item #2 mentioned above.
6. Pay attention to world events: Your problems need perspective. Empathy requires understanding. I once had someone close to me who only wanted to stay “In the Light” but even light requires and demands darkness. They need each other in order to coexist, to heal. No one can expect to walk in the light of positive energy all of the time, it’s just immature and irrational to believe that. And, it’s a little, no, A LOT selfish because you need to bring light into the dark world.
We should be mindful of human suffering because in some way, it may cause you to take action or to support others who are, and in some ways, enlighten the world to how we better ourselves as humans. We shouldn’t ignore the genocide in Rohingya even though it’s not in our backyard. Rohingya helps us to understand the worse and in many ways the best of humanity. It makes you question yourself as to what are you doing to make this world a better place.
My moment of awareness came in reading an article by Jeffrey Gettleman, an award-winning journalist for the New York Times who wrote an article discussing his own reaction to interviewing a woman whose baby was literally thrown into the fire, and how it tore at him and ripped him to the core of his journalistic soul. In My Interview With a Rohingya Refugee: What Do You Say to a Woman Whose Baby Was Thrown Into a Fire? he wrote:
Why am I putting her through this? Is anybody going to want to read something so awful? I don’t even want to write this story. I think I’m becoming the opposite of numb. Each tragedy I’ve covered, each loss I’ve absorbed, has rubbed away a little more of the insulation we all create or were born with, that keeps the ills of the world safely away. After years of this work, I don’t have much insulation left. Now when I go off on assignment, I’m all nerves.
Simply put, after reading this, most of us have no problems. Most of us have nothing to complain about and, with that understanding, most of us should go about our days being grateful, loving, and kind to everyone. Because that article could have been about you or someone you love. But as the writer said, we are insulated. Sometimes we need to look past that insulation, that veil to see how others live. And be grateful that people like Gettleman risk their lives, and their sanity, to bring us the unsanitized truth. Maybe this will drive some of us to action.
7. Put the phone down in front of humans: I used to have a girlfriend who would tell me that my phone was ringing whether or not I could hear it. No matter how many times I told her that I had deliberately left my phone in the other room because I don’t want to answer it anymore or because I was doing something else that required my full attention (or lack thereof) and the phones ringing or pinging wasn’t my personal Pavlov’s Dog response. Newsflash: We are not required to serve callers or our phones. This isn’t “Terminator: Rise of the Machines” and when our phones alert us, I don’t have to answer it. It has an answering machine that’s part of the technology package and—get this, are you ready? Are you sitting down? It has a memory so the message, any message stays there and waits for YOU until you are ready to answer it.
Unfortunately, we don’t get a human treat when you answer your phone or text immediately. Even if I am in a store, in front of a cashier, even they appreciate for that one simple moment of human interaction that you acknowledge their equally human presence and pretend that they are there by putting the phone down. It’s what I like to refer to as “mindful kindness.”
8. Connecting to family, blood and chosen: You need a village. You need a few people who are twisted or warped like you, or at the very least you admire the insanity that they bring to your life. You need people; loneliness seriously kills. I have severely whittled down my personal network and kept those that I value, that have valued me personally (long-term and short-term). I love and cherish the people who have stayed with me on this journey. They are the calls I always answer, they are the text messages that I see, they are the people who present me with the honesty of life (whether I am prepared to hear it or not) but they do so with such love, respect, and kindness. Words have such incredible power (only the uninitiated don’t understand that) and just a few words from the right people, virtual hugs, and real hugs keep us whole. My sister and I are notoriously close, and thanks to Facebook, I have found loving, extended family that share my bloodline. I have family that are not my blood but are closer to me because they treat me as if I am theirs.
9. Write and take pictures: I took the featured photo for this post—the beautiful baby boy Jahzion, almost 3 years. I try to do something to lend beauty to my life, to life in general. Doing that raises my vibrations and the vibrations of those around me. It’s been some time since I have personally written because of personal events in my life. My Editor encourages me to write, and she knows that when I am not doing so, well, something is wrong. Writing, for me, releases the floodgates of mental tension. Writing helps me let go. I bleed on the pages, and I tell what my truth is no matter how ugly it could be. The writing encourages like-minded people to reach out to you and say “thank you” I thought I was alone, but I am not. Touching people with your art, your discussion, your weaknesses and fears…essentially lets others know they will be OK. It helps you as a writer also know that you aren’t alone.
10. Practice gratitude: “My Uncle used to say that any day you wake up and don’t see a toe tag is a good day”. That is my given ancestor-driven mantra from a man who was always grateful, even in the lean times. I have adjusted my own personal mantra to: “I would rather be here with the bullshit than not be here at all” Why spend life angry at things we can’t control. My uncle is no longer with us, his legacy of perseverance, humor, faith, and optimism lives on in all of his family. He devoted his life to his family, his love and devotion to my aunt (his wife) and through his example and hers I have learned more about gratitude, and dignity to last 1000 lifetimes. No matter what happens, you cannot always control the “thing” but…you can control how you react to it.
My beloved Grandmother was a housekeeper and she could not read even up to the time of her death. She walked with a regal air so rarified that no one knew of her lack of education. Her journey was filled with such grace and gratitude that she asked me, her only male grandchild, to help her read simple “Fun with Dick and Jane” books. I am grateful she asked me. I am grateful to have been able to serve her in that capacity. I am grateful that she is and always will be my Grandmother. Her presence, however brief in my life, constantly reminds me that everything I have is a gift.
Dr. Gail Davies brings power and light to the discussion:
“How can mindfulness help? Central to mindfulness is not just learning to pay attention to the present moment but cultivating how we pay attention. It is essential to bring an attitude of kindness and curiosity to our experience. As we practice mindfulness we learn to be with our own emotions and difficulties, which makes us become more able to deal with others. We can better empathize, but through the cultivation of kindness and compassion we are able to take care of ourselves and continue to help others. . . So coming back to how we can equip ourselves to deal with difficult times and build a more cohesive Society. We may not be able to change the world at large and the conflicts affecting distant peoples, but we can start to make a difference on a small scale, in our communities, and at work. Mindfulness helps improve relationships and develops compassion. We are more able to see another’s point of view, “stand in their shoes” and rather than simply feel their pain, we can go further and bring compassion. This allows us to identify with their pain and have the capacity to do something about it.
It’s been a rough year. We voted the unthinkable; nuclear war could feasibly happen; we are systematically destroying our spaceship earth and so many other things that make us question our own humanity and our place in it; the women in our lives are hunted by predators who look just like us—we have even had to ask ourselves, “Whom have I preyed upon?”
On a personal note, my mother died this year and I can count the betrayals and lies I have personally been exposed to from places where I could never have believed they would emanate. But man, when you look at the smiling eyes of a child like Jahzion, when you see the reflection of who you were when you were innocent and carefree, you realize that you want that back, it’s worth getting that back and only by being present, mindful and keeping your heart open can we recognize that we are the light we seek. Ase’ Man-Kind
Ase or às̩e̩ or ashe is a West African philosophical concept through which the Yoruba of Nigeria conceive the power to make things happen and produce change. Learn more here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ase_(Yoruba)
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Another heart-felt, beautifully written post. We’ve got a lot in common, my brother, and look forward to deepening our bond.