Trust lies at the core of any healthy relationship, yet it is fragile. Once broken, it can never fully be regained. Messages of the importance of self-worth bombard us, but what does that really mean and what does it have to do with trust?
Trust is the essential element required for any strong relationship and most importantly, the relationship that we have with ourselves. Our self-worth is completely dependent on our ability to trust ourselves. Our capacity to listen to that inner voice, to honor it, and take action when needed drives our self-worth, strengthening the trust we have in ourselves and increasing the potential for success in our lives. You see, this pattern not only applies to relationships, but it extends to other life decisions that also influence self-worth.
1. Foundational Trust- From the very beginning of our lives, our survival depends on trusting our caregiver. If our caregiver is attuned to our needs and responds in a consistently nurturing way, we not only develop trust in that caregiver, but since that caregiver is representative of the outside world, we believe that it is safe to extend our trust to others. Put simply, we hold a core belief that others are generally good. On the contrary, if we have an early experience of being hurt or neglected by the very person that we depend upon, we learn that we cannot trust others, adopting coping skills to protect ourselves from this deep core pain.
2. Naïve Trust- Naively trusting others occurs when we have not yet had enough life experiences to know that danger can lurk in seemingly nice places. We assume that others have the same motivations and intentions as we do and are willing to overlook things that don’t add up in order to hold onto this unawakened state. Until we open our eyes to see that danger can be disguised, we are vulnerable to falling prey to someone looking to take advantage of this very characteristic.
3. Blind Trust- Blind trust happens when we automatically trust someone, even when they haven’t earned it. This type of trust does not simply stem from a lack of life experience; a person may consciously choose to blindly trust their partner. Someone who is more passive, avoids conflict and uses denial as a coping skill, is more likely to blindly trust their partner even when their partner may not deserve it.
4. Misplaced Trust- Misplaced trust occurs when we trust someone who has a history of hurting us. This happens in unhealthy and toxic relationships through a process called “traumatic bonding.” After being criticized, put down, accused or a variety of other unhealthy behaviors, we begin to believe what the other person is saying about us. The more we place our confidence and self-worth in that person, the worse we feel about ourselves and the more dependent we become on the very person that is harming us.
So what about that fifth type of trust? The types of trust listed above all have to do with trusting others. The last type of trust that we need to ask about is self-trust. Self-trust is our ability to listen to our feelings and our inner voice, and then be able to act in such a way that honors those things.
Women especially, are at greater risk of losing themselves in another in an attempt to preserve the self-worth that is wrapped up in their partner. This leaves anyone who does this vulnerable not only to mistreatment, but also to other mental health risks as the dependency on the other person and on the relationship grows.
The solution to this all-too-common scenario? It is essential that we learn to develop trust in ourselves to listen to our intuition, set appropriate limits, and prioritize the relationships and the things that reinforce this healthy behavior. As we do this in all areas of our lives, our self-worth begins to grow, flourishing in the intentional self-trust that we’ve developed from within.
—
iStock image