Note: I’m not saying we NEED to be in a relationship. I’m also not saying time outside of them is deconstructive or stunting in any way either. I’m saying that through the flow of life, stagnation in anything leads to a murky, smelly pool. Time alone is great for us, and so is time with others. We need each other, and it’s important to find at what level is the most ideal.
Who am I without you?
Are you anything without me?
Well, maybe not me…
Choose anyone you value in life. Your parent(s), mentors, best friend, or partner. Momentarily remove the way they affect your intentions and life goals. Forget that you have to deal with any disruptions because of the time and energy you give to them.
That’s resistance. And that’s what comes with anything worthwhile.
What’s left?
Do they bring you peace? Laughter? Intimacy?
Do they help you see yourself? Do they help you stay humble, connected, safe, and seen? Do they make you feel valuable, superhuman, indestructible, bold?
Even though we have to pay attention to feelings and how they sway our life decisions, we have to understand that feelings are the depths of life. They are what we seek. We want to feel.
We want to feel thrill and lust, dedication and serenity, even fear and chaos.
I always reference Cast Away with Tom Hanks.
Things can get…a little weird by yourself.
Even if you have a Wilson.
…
She frustrated the hell out of me.
She thought differently. She challenged my constantly. She made me feel blind of the world…
But, damn she had a great smile. Not one that was just perfect and large. It was a smile of mischievousness and joy. She laughed and smiled in a way that melted my heart. And as she unashamedly wore what she wanted, said what needed to be said, and skinny-dipped in deep lakes at night…
She made me feel less serious. Less tense.
Less tight in my body and my mind.
These are things we forget.
The beauty of what other souls do for us.
Regardless of how “perfectly content and confident you are without other people.”
Whether it be friendships or relationships, don’t fool yourself reader…
We need each other.
…
Adlerian theory discusses the whole point of life:
This is how I interpret that theory.
No matter what we strive to do, it is for the sake of connection. We do things, even for ourselves, to be seen or heard or somehow effective in the world around us. We want to impact it. And the truth, regardless of belief, is that it will inevitably do so.
The world is influenced even when we decide to not present ourselves to it.
To sever our connections purposefully. To act with only ourselves in mind and separate from the world around us.
But even if we do so…how often is it only to prove something sinister or nihilistic? In an attempt to bring the world out of its stupor and get it to say, “Where did you go?”
Isn’t silence and self-exile intended to create discomfort or bewilderment?
We seek to have an impact, even when we decide to not impact the world, so that the world changes. With or without us.
And that does happen.
It’s too big for us to realize, but the world changes and the scales tip by every human that does or does not contribute.
So, why do we do it?
The only reason we completely avoid the world as a social being is because we feel scorned by it. We’re bitter. Upset that the world doesn’t see us.
…
I’m deep down unconvinced of my isolation:
What causes me to assume I need undivided attention to myself?
To seek only my purpose?
To need to build an empire without others first, instead of including them in the process?
Is it my ego that drives me to stand alone? To assume that I must acquire one thing at a time?
Even when I convince myself of it, my path and the choice to do it alone have far more to do with it than just my insecurities and the time necessary to do my work.
It’s also some internal belief that I cannot become the writer that I want to and the independent man that I want to be if I sacrifice my time to the energy of a relationship. To give to another.
But even so, the center of my soul still feels guilt. My mind still cautions me against isolation, and my heart still aches for love and its endless benefits.
So, is it not also true to need someone, and others? Even if it tempers the extent of self-made creations?
What chances exist that relationships amplify my abilities? What if assuming that others are so different from me and would only slow me, is also what slows me?
What if the interpersonal relationships that I hold myself from but also beg the universe for are more important than my creations?
The sharing of existence?
What if what I aim to build falls short of my abilities alone? What if what I build has no soul because of the lack of others?
Even if I had the world: the money to save me from poverty, the clarity of purpose, of life-saving influence, of high social value…how far does that validation keep me from a real fulfilled existence compared to having others directly next to me?
What if what I assume I must have and must be is overstated by my ego? What if my ego is shadowing what it truly is?
My fear of being seen in progress?
To be in progress and rejected for it…
…
Let’s not forget that in the strive for greatness, we can easily shadow our needs.
And when it comes to having other people in our lives, they give us something we don’t often give ourselves:
Love, laughter…and a bond that’s better than the silent wisdom of a Wilson.
Truth and Love, Reader.
…
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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Photo credit: Naitian(Tony) Wang on Unsplash