In this age of hangouts and hookups, swiping right or left, ghosting, benching, and a vast pool of online dating choices, is anyone still looking for marriage or long-term committed relationships?
While there are many who would rather be casual than committed, I believe most people are ultimately yearning for a deep loving connection. If you’re a man who wants that type of relationship, you might want a window into what qualities relationship-oriented women are looking for in a man.
The Top 10 Qualities Women Seek in a Man
#1. He’s emotionally stable.
The guy she’s looking for doesn’t have drastic mood swings. He doesn’t unpredictably blow hot and cold. He is steady and shows up in goods times and in a crisis. He has her back, and she feels safe with him.
#2. He can communicate honestly and openly.
He tells the truth about who he is and what he wants in a relationship. He’s willing to talk things out, especially when there’s a disagreement.
He can admit when he’s wrong, and let a woman know that he’s hurt without shaming or blaming. He doesn’t get defensive, criticize, or walk away when times are tough. He is willing to talk, even when the stakes are high, because he values the relationship.
#3. He’s fiscally responsible.
She wants to be with someone who can manage his finances. Contrary to popular belief, a mature woman is not looking for a sugar daddy. He doesn’t have to be wealthy, but he does have to manage his money. That means he has financially planned for his present and his future. He doesn’t have big debt that he’s not paying down. He doesn’t spend beyond his means.
She also wants to be with a man who is generous with how he spends his money. He gives to charities. And he doesn’t cheap out on gifts, especially for the woman he loves.
#4. He’s a good listener.
She wants a man who is present when he’s with her. He’s not checking his phone or watching football. When they’re together, he focuses on her. He listens, and he doesn’t offer to help or fix unless she asks.
#5. He’s respectful.
How do I define respect? If she’s on a gluten-free diet, he calls the restaurant ahead of time to make sure she can eat there. He doesn’t make fun of her weight, height, wrinkles, the color of her hair, or the way she talks. He respects her opinion, even when he disagrees.
#6. He’s affectionate.
Women want a relationship where the attraction is strong. That doesn’t mean the chemistry is a 10 on the first date. They are more interested in being with a guy with whom the connection is so strong, it grows and grows. He loves to touch and be touched, and he’s a great kisser.
#7. He’s kind and considerate.
He is kind to her, and he is also kind to people in all walks of life; the wait staff, the garage attendant, the store clerk. How he treats people of service says so much about his integrity.
He shows her that he cares with small acts of kindness, like doing the dishes after dinner, taking out the garbage, or changing the oil in her car. It’s the little things in a relationship that add up to big love.
#8. He’s fun to be with.
She’s attracted to a man with joie de vivre, a zest for life. He’s fun to be with, whether they’re out together or just hanging out at home. They enjoy each others company, and they laugh easily together.
#9. He’s a lifelong learner.
He’s open to and seeks continued growth. He’s curious, always reading, learning, and/or taking classes online or offline. He’s interested in many things, and that makes him more interesting.
#10. He’s confident and humble.
Confidence is usually the number one quality people are seeking in a partner. Someone who’s confident is sexy. But what is confidence? It’s about knowing your values and standards for how you want to be treated. It’s about liking yourself and who you’ve become at this stage in your life. And it’s about walking away from the things and people in your life that drain you.
Confidence is attractive, arrogance is not. So be confident AND humble. Know your worth, but don’t brag about your accomplishments. Don’t dominate the conversation with me, me, me! The balance of confidence with a healthy dose of humility—now that’s super sexy!
I can imagine that many men are reading this and thinking, “That’s a ridiculous list. There are no men who have all ten of those traits. These women are dreaming. Get real!” Or, “And what about the women who want a man like this? Come on, do they have these traits, too?”
While a man might not have every single trait on this list, there really are men who have most if not all of these qualities. And they’re willing to work on themselves if they don’t.
For example, if he’s not a great communicator, he’s willing to work on that skill. If he’s not great at managing his money, he’s willing to seek help.
And yes, the women who want men with these qualities are seeking that man, because they have these qualities. They work hard to continuously improve themselves. They are living a life of integrity and inspiration, and they want to be with men who inspire them, too.
And no, women don’t expect perfection. There is no such thing. We all have flaws. That’s what makes us human and vulnerable and helps us get closer to one another.
By the way, notice that I did not list that a man must be six feet tall, be ripped, have a full head of hair, and be brilliant, rich, or witty. Those features and qualities mean nothing without integrity, honesty, shared values, and open communication. If you can also admit your shortcomings and you’re willing to accept responsibility for working on them, a wonderful woman will find you irresistible.
Your thoughts and comments are appreciated!
photo: Flickr/Vladimir Pustovit