So, most guys who use dating apps don’t get the results they want. They either get no matches, match with low-quality women and are ghosted after two messages, or can’t get dates. If that’s you, this guide will illuminate where you’re going wrong.
However, if you don’t care for reading, watch the following video. It features me sitting with a female friend to review men’s Tinder profiles and is a highly illuminating watch. You’ll hear first-hand what women think when they scan your profile.
Anyway, let’s get started.
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1 – Having a dumb mindset for online dating
You probably don’t realise that you’re not just the man in your pictures. You’re the entire Goddamn pics. You’re the lightning, camera angles, locations, image quality, and person/people in your dating app pictures. I mean that.
When a woman looks at your photos, she’s subconsciously influenced by all the above to instinctively decide to swipe left or right. She’s looking at the entire image, not just at you. It’s not enough to have pictures that show what you look like.
They need to be amazing images that imply positive things about your lifestyle and personality, as well as making you look physically attractive. I’ve said this before, and I’ll repeat it. 80% of women are matching with the top 20% of men on dating apps, so make sure you’re in that category or get off Tinder and Hinge.
I’ve had clients say they couldn’t understand how women they met on the street and who were ‘receptive’ to them didn’t respond to their DMs afterwards, and as I always say, it’s because her being ‘receptive’ to you isn’t nearly enough. Women have shitloads of male options, so you need them to be at a ‘fuck yes’ and nothing less to rise above the steep competition in today’s dating pool.
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2 – Using low-quality images
Here’s the thing. A huge part of why you want to use dating apps over meeting women in real life is because you hate rejection. You don’t like the idea of walking up to a woman with your cap in hand, asking for love and being told to kick rocks, and I totally get it. Online dating seems safer because you don’t have to be face to face with that intimidating human whose judgement would really sting. But the problem is that you’re not the only man with that idea.
Men worldwide are on dating apps for that same reason, creating an insanely competitive marketplace. The sad truth is that you need to approach your profile with the same care and professionalism Apple and Samsung use to market their smartphones.
Huh?? What on earth do you mean by that, Ciaran?
I’m glad you asked. Essentially, when companies market their products, they use the highest quality of images, videos, and copy possible. They do that because they know nobody would take them seriously if they didn’t.
Would you buy the new iPhone 15 if the promo images looked like dog manure? Hell to the fuck no, and women are looking at your Tinder pics in the same light.
Get a professional photographer and take some high-quality images that really pop.
The video below features me and another female friend analysing men’s Tinder profiles at length.
This video also features myself and a female friend rating men’s Tinder profiles.Thi
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3 – Boring photos that show you have no life
Do you know what a girl thinks when she sees pics in boring locations like your parents’ bathroom or bedroom? She tells herself you have no life. She thinks you’re a boring loser who isn’t worth her time before proceeding to swipe left fast enough to make your hair blow in the wind.
You need to realise that chicks are constantly scanning your profile to see what sort of lifestyle they’ll be a part of if they get with you. If your life looks desirable, they’ll be way more likely to swipe right. If not, they’ll definitely swipe left.
Read that again: desirable lifestyle; maybe swipe right. Undesirable lifestyle; definitely swipe left.
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4 – No cool people in your pics
Women are attracted to men who come preselected by other women. This is because having other girls cosign you saves them the trouble of having to vet you themselves. And, a mistake men make on their profiles is not showing that preselection.
She needs to know you’re a safe option, that you’re not dull, weird, a psycho, or whatever, and a great way of letting her know this is with pics that subtly imply it.
Now, I’m not talking about having pics of you with one woman because that will look like you’re a playa. But one or two choice shots of you surrounded by pretty women (and even men) will work wonders for implying what kind of person you are. She wants to know that you’re socially connected, and if attractive people are happy to spend time with you, you must be desirable.
Also, the more attractive the women in your pictures are, the better. If the woman scrolling your profile feels physically superior to the women in your pics, she’s more likely to swipe left. If she thinks the women (and men) in your pics are on her level, she’s very likely to swipe right.
Women like to date up, and if you socialise with women she respects or thinks outrank her, she’ll see you as a desirable prospect.
Also, the women on your profile should reflect the sort of women you want to meet. This means that if you’re into spiritual hippy women who do yoga, you won’t attract them by having photos with white-toe-nailed bad bitches.
Actually, that’s not 1000% true. You could still attract some who think urban subculture is cool and want to get to know it better or take a little vacation there. But that’s unlikely.
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5 – Not clearly showing your face
Something I’ve noticed from talking to women about guys’ profiles is that they tend to immediately swipe left if they can’t clearly see what you look like. If you creatively obscure your face or hide behind sunglasses to look cool, that’ll work against you, and you’ll get fewer matches.
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6 – Not looking your best in your pics
It might sound obvious, but how many men don’t seem to know this is mind-blowing. You want to look as fantastic as humanly possible in your pics. This means having your grooming in order and wearing stylish clothes that shine a positive light on you.
It wouldn’t hurt if you hit the gym to get in shape, too, because you will look better and be healthier, fitter, stronger, faster, and more flexible for years and years to come. You’re marketing yourself here, so put your best foot forward like you would if you were promoting the latest iPad.
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7 – Taking selfies
Women, on the whole, hate seeing selfies in male profiles. It is what it is. They think they show vanity and insecurity and basically are way less likely to swipe right when they see them. If you’ve got selfies on your profile, get rid of them ASAP and swap them for pics other people have taken of you doing cool and exciting things.
The underlying message will be that you just happened to be documented while living an amazing life instead of sitting on your own taking pics for validation.
Is that a fair mindset for them to have? No.
Is it hypocritical, considering how many women flood their profiles with selfies? Yes.
But all the complaining in the world ain’t going to change reality. Remove the selfies from your profile yesterday.
Hope this cleared the air. Oh and there’s that video again if you didn’t watch it before. Like I said, it features me and a beautiful female friend going through men’s profiles in depth and analysing why she would or wouldn’t swipe right.
Excelsior.
Ciaran
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Like this post? Give it a clap. Like me? Follow me for daily stories. Not getting success on dating apps? Book a call to see if you’re a good fit for my coaching program.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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