Typical. I type “Boy playing with doll” into the Unsplash search bar and it gives me an image of a girl.
But before even that I get a skateboard, a Gameboy, and then… Chucky.
Oh no. Boys won’t be seen playing with dolls, not unless they’re demonic.
This is a shame since, as a recent study at Cardiff University concludes, dolls teach some important life skills. Boys playing with dolls can learn a lot too. A lot of empathy.
And that maybe, just maybe, might change the world.
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Dolls, Empathy, and Powerful Female Leaders
Dolls teach empathy.
Playing with dolls have long been suspected of providing numerous benefits to children.
However, it’s only recently that we’re mapping how skills such social interaction and empathy can be taught through children playing freely with dolls.
In a recent 2020 study, Dr. Sarah Gerson and colleagues at Cardiff University’s Centre for Human Developmental Science used neuroimaging technology to provide the first indications of the benefits of doll play. At the level of the brain.
Through monitoring the brain activity of 33 children between the ages of 4 and 8, as they played with a range of Barbie dolls, the team found that the posterior superior temporal sulcus (pSTS), a region of the brain associated with social information processing such as empathy, was activated. Even when the child was playing on their own.
As the researchers concluded:
“Pretend play with dolls therefore provides a unique outlet for practicing social and empathic skills even when playing by oneself.” — Dr Salim Hashmi et al. 2020).
Social play is important, not least considering the last 18 months of lockdowns, isolation, and ongoing social distancing. Even playing alone with dolls seems to allow, through children’s free play, to ‘test’ and learn about various social situations.
But beyond social skills, perhaps at its heart lies empathy.
And empathy, once undervalued, is an important life skill (i.e. it can be learnt) that is sometimes lacking in boys and men.
Why is empathy important?
Empathy is the ability to emotionally understand how someone feels.
It has been linked to a range of benefits, not least in building social connections and helping us with emotional regulation.
It has even been suggested by recent research that empathy is the most important trait in leadership. We are ‘wired’ for empathy, as social beings, and empathising with others and truly understanding and caring for them can help bring out the best in them.
Much has been noted of female world leaders, for example, during national responses to COVID-19.
There have even been comparative studies of countries with female leaders compared with male ones, and on the whole countries with female leaders showed a greater performance across a range of indicators during much of 2020/2021.
“Empathy wins in a crisis.”
Some countries had a Jacinda Ardern; others had a Donald Trump.
While too much empathy can lead to issues such as burnout or ‘compassion fatigue’, it remains a central — and undervalued — skill. There are, for example, concerns that many of us are less empathy today, but perhaps of particular importance is that:
“Empathy is learned behavior even though the capacity for it is inborn” — Author Peg Streep, Psychology Today.
Teaching boys empathy through dolls
Dolls are still being seen as a ‘girl’ thing. But it’s also very much a ‘boy’ thing given half a chance.
“Although doll play is often categorized as an activity for girls rather than boys, we found no gender differences in brain activity when playing with either dolls or tablets. This suggests that the benefits of play are not unique to either gender.” Dr Salim Hashmi et al. 2020).
Boys, the study suggests, can benefit in much the same way girls can when they play with dolls.
If boys and men have less (or even lack) empathy, moreover, it’s definitely linked to their upbringing. Although there appears to be a biological component in determining one’s empathy (related to biological sex), it’s relatively minor (accounting for between 10–30%).
This is relevant in a society still grappling with issues ranging from #MeToo to a more equal approach to parenting.
So, how to teach boys and men to have more empathy?
According to Evan Gerstmann, if we want boys and men to be more empathetic and avoid ‘toxic masculinity’, then we should show more empathy towards them in the first place. Encourage and support them in non-traditional roles and sports, recognize and reorganize how we discipline them.
We can also let them play with dolls.
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Want to Make the World a Better Place? Let Boys Play with Dolls.
When I was boy, I learnt to play with (toy) guns.
Plastic guns, BB guns, and if the adults took our guns away we’d fashion them out of sticks or our own fingers. Bang.
Now, playing with guns isn’t necessarily a bad thing. After all:
“Pretend play is an important way for children to make sense of the world; in an age where guns are becoming more prevalent, gun-play helps them to process what they may see on the news, or indeed be subject to in real-life in a safe way.” — Sarah Ockwell-Smith, parenting expert and author of The Gentle Discipline Book.
The problem is when this focus on ‘guns’ and other traditional ‘masculine’ toys is all those boys are fed. If that’s all they know, if they are glorified while supposed ‘soft’ traits are laughed at, then we have a problem. There’s still the myth that playing with dolls might confuse boys about their gender.
Yet caring for a doll can develop much needed social skills and empathy.
My son, at 3, loves looking after his baby dolls (yes, plural). Sometimes he hits them or picks up them up and throws them like a missile, as one might ‘traditionally’ expect.
But most of the time he cares for them, dresses them, feeds them, tucks them up in to bed. The babies are tired, daddy. And there’s my son, learning to be a kind person and a good father which will no doubt help him in life.
Because what else is playing dolls about, except teaching and preparing them for life’s great adventures?
Could a boy, playing with a doll, make the world a better place? How about millions of them? Quite possibly.
© Jamie D Stacey 2021
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: Museums Victoria on Unsplash