After spending 15 years in a abusive relationship, and enduring a two year divorce, I came out of the ordeal fairly gun shy about relationships. Since my divorce I’ve stayed single, dating here and there, but often due to my wounded heart my survival instincts kick in and I’ve sabotaged most romantic pursuits. It would take someone special to capture my heart, to allow me to feel secure and safe.
I recently met someone who I knew from the minute I met them was someone I could see myself with, someone I thought I could grow to love, someone who intrigued me, someone who I desired to get to know better.
He seemed just as enticed as me, but for whatever reason after we spent a wonderful night together, he became distant, ignoring my texts and not following through with plans he’d proposed for us to spend more time together.
I was honestly a bit heartbroken.
In the past those experiences have caused my survival instincts to kick in. Instead of waiting it out, giving it time, seeing how things went the next time I saw them, I rushed to the conclusion it will never work and I’m better off alone. I have even felt resentment towards the person, which is a surefire way to turn anyone off. My own way of sabotaging any potential relationship.
Naturally when we feel affection towards someone we want them to feel it back towards us, and react in a similar way as we want to (be willing to set up dates, call us, etc.). When they don’t react in the way we would like or expect, we start to question, how could he or she possibly not like me? We may even wonder if there is something wrong with us. It can take a toll on our self-esteem.
I’m at a point in my career where I’m constantly pitching stories or networking with various types of individuals in the media in order to grow my brand or promote my work.
Often when I approach a magazine, radio producer or any other client, it’s because I like them. It’s because we share a similar message, they are trying to achieve something similar to what I am, there is a shared connection. I like what they represent and I want to be in partnership with them.
A man and a woman perform a delicate dance, particularly when they are just first getting to know each other. Each partner must find the balance between being too aggressive or retreating from the dance entirely.
The dance is similar to when you pursue a new client. If you’re too aggressive in your pitch you may turn the client off. Yet if you don’t pursue it all, you’ll never know if the client may have been willing to work with you.
But even if the client is interested in your message, it may be a matter of timing. Maybe their editorial calender is full, or the content doesn’t currently fit their plan.
In a relationship, the reality is, the person you may be ready for, may not be ready for you yet. They may need a few more experiences, or maybe it doesn’t yet fit into their plan.
Business relationships as well as personal relationships are born out of opportunity and timing. Sometimes those relationships have to be nurtured or they take time to grow into something. A client as well as a romantic interest may come back into your life when the timing is right, when it seems appropriate.
Instead of condemning the person (or client) who I desire to know better, I choose patience, acceptance and love, and the knowledge I’m right where I need to be at this very moment. The universe, God or whatever is teaching me whatever I need to learn at this point in my life.
Who knows, maybe the man I met recently will decide he likes my “pitch” and he’ll come around when the timing is right.
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Photo: Flickr/Steve Soblick