A young female writer is fed up with the behavior of many men of her generation. Her solution? Change the way mothers will raise the next wave of males.
My roommate recently told me a story about walking down the street in Spandex shorts on the way to the gym.
She told me that she felt the stares of every man on her legs and thighs; it got so uncomfortable that she experimentally stuck out her tongue and not one man noticed or removed his gaze.
She told me she couldn’t believe it, that even distracting them with a tongue wouldn’t stop their stares. She told me she was sick of feeling this way — dirty and violated just for walking down the street.
And I know this feeling she was describing, the deep sickening feeling in the pit of your stomach when you’re thrown into the dripping, salivating reality of men.
When you realize you can’t walk down the street in jean shorts without feeling like a whore. That feeling that you really are just legs, thighs and breasts to them.
You are a KFC order, completely subhuman with no purpose but sexual gratification. You are just another woman in a world of men.
She then told me she was never going to wear her gym clothes out again, that she’d wear pants to the gym and change there. I told her that would mean that we were giving up our right to wear what we want just because men make us feel uncomfortable, and that’s not fair.
We should be not only allowed, but unashamed to wear gym shorts to the gym and dresses to clubs. We shouldn’t feel the weight of shame when putting on a skirt or wearing a V-neck. We shouldn’t have to endure the disgusting and perverted stares of men who refuse to look us in the eyes.
We shouldn’t have to walk past catcalls and whistles, feeling uncomfortable in the street we’re supposed to share.
But what can we do? Cover ourselves up and never leave the house? Scream back, kick and yell? Write poetry, essays and theses? Conduct research, surveys and more stats? We’ve done all that, or at least we’ve started to.
And we should keep doing it, until men learn to respect women, until they can learn to keep their catcalls to themselves and their whistles for ball games. But one thing I don’t think we’ve thought of to break this vicious cycle is one that begins and ends with us. We will change the way we raise our sons.
It’s a pretty revolutionary concept and a simple one at a that. We have the opportunity to change the way men think about women, to break the cycle and start a new one.
We have the power to raise another generation of boys, a new type of man. For we have more power than anyone (the media included) over men because we will be their mothers, their providers and their role models. We will be the guiding light of what’s wrong and right, their first and last teacher.
We will have the power to raise our sons differently. We will be able to mold new ideas about women and our roles in society.
We will have the opportunity to raise gentlemen instead of thugs, perverts and playboys. We will be able to teach them chivalry and respect.
We will start another class of men, a class that knows they shouldn’t gawk, tease or whistle just because they can’t stop thinking about sex. Yes, they will be different; they will be gentlemen.
They Will Share The Sidewalk
Rather than standing there, staring, catcalling and pushing women off the sidewalks, they will share it like gentlemen. They will let women walk down the street like any other man, comfortable and secure.
They won’t yell out of cars, making women nervous to pass vehicles full of men. They will respect a woman’s right to wear shorts without making her feel violated and ashamed for showing skin on a summer day.
They Will Make Requests, Not Demands
They will not ask for naked pictures or any of the other sexual perversions the over-stimulated boys of today expect from the women they are talking to. They will not treat women like the prostitutes and slaves in their video games.
They will take women out to dinners and bars and ask permission to take them home. They won’t expect sex on the first date and they won’t treat women poorly after they’ve done it. They will expect the same things that women expect from men: respect and love.
They Will Remain Faithful
They won’t text 20 girls at the same time or deceive the women they are with. They will give women the same attention and respect that women should also give to men.
They will not make the women they are with constantly worry if they are enough for them. They won’t make girls experience that sickening feeling that comes with finding out the men they love don’t love them enough to stay faithful.
They Will Be Peers, Not Captors
Our sons will have a new view of women. They will look at them as their peers, companions and equals. They will respect, not objectify, women for their beauty and grace, and they will not use either as a reason to treat them as lesser beings or things to be conquered.
They will hold women’s opinions and feelings on the same level as their male counterparts’ and never question a woman’s intelligence because of the size of her breasts.
They Will Understand Women
Rather than just trying to get to know female anatomy, they will take the time to understand a woman’s feelings and opinions. They won’t label her “crazy,” “high maintenance” or “hormonal” because she decided to speak her mind.
They will never ignore her ideas and her feelings simply because she is “just a woman,” nor will they dismiss legitimate arguments and claims simply because it’s easier than respecting her.
Originally appeared at Elite Daily
Photo Elite Daily
About the author: Lauren “LMoney” Martin grew up with one goal: to be the first woman engineer. Upon finding out there already were women engineers, and unable to pass Calc 1, she chose to study the beautiful and honorable art of advertising. After adverting proved uninspiring, she attempted a career in acting which was over before she could get on stage. And when she failed at everything else she decided to become a comedy writer.
Yeah, how about no. As the first generation of survivors raised by women who thought this utopian nonsense, let me tell you, projecting your untreated mental disorders and self-manufactured angst, co-dependency, and self loathing on your children is a guaranteed way to raise highly dysfunctional men.
How about we leave the parenting, psychology, and medical advice to experts as opposed to a self described failure at everything she’s ever attempted to do.
I support a much bigger rule that everyone ought to be able to accept: Don’t respect or disrespect someone based on gender. Give people the same level of respect regardless of gender. Remember that people are individuals, not representatives of half the world’s population. I can guarantee you that men who regularly disrespect women are not all that respectful of men, either. Teaching them general respect is good for everyone. Sons should not learn separate rules of respect for different genders. Different “flavors” of respect, maybe (maybe!), but not special rules or special levels. Otherwise, you’re just teaching your sons… Read more »
At lot of men (myself included) doubt the frequency of these alleged catcalling incidents, and instead believe them to be isolated incidents. Not because WE have not been catcalled, but because although some of us live in major urban cities, we have never witnessed ANYONE ELSE being catcalled. Honestly, it sounds like something out of a bad ’80s movie. Maybe we doubters are totally wrong, I don’t know, so here’s a suggestion to the women who are confronted with this problem: Take out your cell phone and record videos of these experiences, then send it to Good Men Project so… Read more »
1. Stop telling sons male on male violence is heroic – war. Selling your body to be tortured, blown apart or do the same to others benefits no one.
2. Campaign for prisons that aren’t rape houses.
3. Expect two way respect. Men need to stop being walkovers to fem/masc ideals, so do women.
4. Stop putting up semi naked pictures of women! And women stop buying these products marketed in that way.
YES. YES. YES. I’ve been saying this forever. It’s my favourite feminist rant haha. We are in a position to raise our sons better. We need to change the way we teach our sons to interact with women. We are in the best place to enact real change, not perpetuate the same damn issues! I know so many men who were coddled and enabled by their mothers. Who were raised to believe that ‘boys will be boys’ and that when the boy leaves the nest, he just searches for a new nest with a wife. A wife who is supposed… Read more »
I don’t think boys are raised as “boys will be boys”. I never was, but I do agree with women raising boys better. It’s not that women are raising boys to disrespect women. Mothers are not addressing how boys should interact with women / girls. Mine didn’t. When parents leave a vacuum in a child’s education it will be filled by outside forces probably societal images, etc. The other big thing about raising children is raising them without shame. I didn’t feel comfortable going to my mother to fill the vacuum. Eliminating boys will be boys and replacing it with… Read more »
“We need to change the way we teach our sons to interact with women” As the saying goes “if it doesn’t apply,let it fly” comes to my mid but ya know what, MOST dad’s raise their kids properly but as usual, another article “educating” men on how they should raise their sons. One place to start is to let dads raise their sons.With the % of kids that are living in fatherless homes, perhaps this article should be written for women to read and not the men who have the luxury of raising their kids or the countless men who… Read more »
“And I know this feeling she was describing, the deep sickening feeling in the pit of your stomach when you’re thrown into the dripping, salivating reality of men.” “You are a KFC order, completely subhuman with no purpose but sexual gratification. You are just another woman in a world of men.” Of course you’re going to feel like a whore if you think men are vile beasts and view them with such a sexist attitude. Do you realize that how you view men is probably a huge amount of the reason why you feel like meat? Would you feel like… Read more »
Sorry, but this article is just NOT of the calibre the Good Men Project deserves. It is very poorly written, mainly because of the premise it is based on: men are inherently dogs and we women need to train them better. This is a myth we should be debunking.
I agree, This site was the last place I ever expected to find a cliched piece like this one.
Loved it. Thank you.
you know what. I’m sick of indignant women, thinking that men are the cause of the problems in the world today. I’m a man, and guess what, all those things you describe have happened to me too. (now before i sound conceited, i’m an average looking bloke, nothing special, but i am very happily married) I’ve had women stare at me, i’ve had women feel they’re justified to grab me on the groin, i’ve had women grab my hand and cup it to their breasts, i’ve had women flash their breasts at me, i’ve had women slap me when i… Read more »
So, this article does suck and is indeed overgeneralized. The writer is a comedy writer according to her bio? But Nick, and this is a reminder to everyone out there. context does matter! The behaviors of women you describe are taking place a a nightclub. You can’t compare that context to one where women are grabbed, etc, on the street or in a non-hypersexualized place. Yes, women are indeed capable of acting that way, but come on, the fact is that it is much more common for men to inappropriately touch, stare, etc when they are not in such an… Read more »
so a woman should expect to get sexually assaulted just for going to a nightclub? that’s a bit of a stretch
Nah dude. The chivalry ship has sailed and isn’t coming back. In an age of equality, you get what you put into a relationship or you continue to watch more men take up the MGTOW lifestyle.
Should we not teach some of these same things to our girls? Teach them how to stay faithful? They will not make the men they are with constantly worry if they are enough for them? I am saddened for you that you have been in this environment. In my 39 years on this planet, as a woman, and having raised two beautiful, intelligent and compassionate ( now 20 year old women) I and/or my daughters have never come across men such as the ones you describe. My son will be as much a product of the men around him as… Read more »
*faceted
You took a set of multi-facted, complex issues, squished them together and assigned blame to mothers? Mothers everywhere are trying to raise responsible, highly-functioning members of society on a daily basis, one skill at a time. The behaviors you are describing are not simply addressed by a ‘be better mothers’ philosophy.
If you want to teach boys something useful, educate them about Zeta Masculinity and Men Going Their Own Way. Teach them that they don’t have to be good little husbands and providers. Or cannon fodder for the next war. Teach them that they don’t owe anyone, man or woman anything except basic
common courtesy.
Can I get an “AMEN” to what Wes said? AAAAMMMMEEEENNNN
The initial piece is in urgent need of the word “some”. They Will Share The Sidewalk – Rather than standing there, staring, catcalling and pushing women off the sidewalks, they will share it like gentlemen. They will let women walk down the street like any other man, comfortable and secure. They won’t yell out of cars, making women nervous to pass vehicles full of men. They will respect a woman’s right to wear shorts without making her feel violated and ashamed for showing skin on a summer day. And yet they will still look, as it that is a normal… Read more »
I love men who’ve never been catcalled telling women that men don’t catcall because HE’S never been. And I’ve never seen a guy get a drink thrown in his face for being rude…. it mustn’t be true! All these guys are just lying! What are they trying to get at telling lies about women throwing drinks in faces.. this never happens…. because I’ve never personally experienced it.. because it does’t happen to women… but that does matter. because it didn’t happen to ME and that’s all that matters… oh, and the world is flat because I’ve never personally been to… Read more »
Where did I say such things never happened? I was criticising the generalisations and framing of the problem.
lilbit, you criticize others for making generalizations when this whole article is a massive generalization. Firstly stating that all men are the way you have experienced them to be and secondly stating that all mothers would and should do what you tell them to. You manage to soundly condescend to both men and mothers all in one article. Your article pours forth the repeatedly echoed views of little girls all over the world who seek to blame men for everything that is wrong in their lives. I am sorry, but I don’t believe that your article adds anything new or… Read more »
All that hate is gonna burn you up kid.
@ lilbit
“I love men who’ve never been catcalled telling women that men don’t catcall because HE’S never been”
Are you referring to OirishM in particular or all men? I don’t know if OirishM has ever been “catcalled”, but if it’s defined as getting uninvited and unwelcome compliments on one’s appearance or sexual advances and being groped against one’s will, then I’ve been “catcalled” by women about a dozen times “on the street”, 2 to 3 dozen times at work, and several dozen more times in bars and clubs.
(grabs popcorn and watches the comments section)
This whole article is an MRA/manosphere dog whistle-
Hasn’t women always, by and large, been the mothers, providers, role models, and the first and last teacher of boys?
No. Children were the property of men. Men made the rules in the house. Mothers raised their children how their owner, I mean husband, told them to. The father was the disciplinarian and the authority. they taught boys “how to be men” and part of being “a man” is how one treats women. How is this not known about the history of family – which means slaves by the way. Family was just the term used to describe how many slaves a man owned. And seeing how women were bought by men, worked their lives without pay under the authority… Read more »
Context matters but fantasy doesn’t. Even in the Roman days of the Paterfamilias this situation didn’t exist.
@ lilbit
There are official laws and there is what actually occurs or are you saying that all the DV committed against men today by women is a function of feminism?
You’re obviously no expert on history, or family.
Or they could just choose to walk away from relationships and marriage like more and more men
in Japan are doing. It is not out of anger or misogyny, but simply because they see no benefit in
it. I would suggest reading Men On Strike by Helen Smith. Do any of these rules apply to women as well?
What do Japanese men have to do with teaching our sons to respect women?
By avoiding and withdrawing from relationships, then these certain Japanese men are reducing the risk and incidents of women being disrespected and harmed. If men interact with women less and keep a greater distance, there is less risk of those women being disrespected or otherwise mistreated (at least by men).
How is “walking away” from a relationship showing respect? If anything, it’s an extreme act of cowardice to abandon a committed relationship because you can’t deal with conflict. Sounds completely juvenile and disrespectful.
I’ll stick to acting like a rational, compassionate adult, thanks.
@ Ramone There are people who I don’t like, but highly respect, but I wouldn’t want to spend any time with them. As far as MGTOW, I don’t see anything inherently wrong with it as long as the men give women the courtesies and respect every person deserves when they interact. I don’t view it as healthy, but I think that if you constantly pick “toxic” women, you might in rare instances be better off giving women up. I think many men would benefit from temporarily giving women up. Taking a break from dating. Regardless, people have a right to… Read more »
What makes you think of it as unhealthy or otherwise bad?
@ Megalodon Unhealthy may not have been an accurate word, but from what I understand MGTOW is a reaction to the way a man has been treated by women. These were men who wanted to have relationships with women and were treated poorly rather than guys who had no difficulty securing date, got treated well, and decided that based on some analysis, they would give up on women. There was something there that the person was searching for. There are many different women and I think that with some effort, changing the “type” of women, looking for different characteristics, etc.… Read more »
Unhealthy may not have been an accurate word, but from what I understand MGTOW is a reaction to the way a man has been treated by women. Yes, the Western MGTOW trend is often styled as a sort of disgruntled reaction. The “Herbivore Men” trend in Japan has not generally been described as a disgruntled or negative reaction to attempted and failed coupling. The “Herbivore Men” types are not usually portrayed as males who tried and struck out at relationships, but as people who came into adulthood without much inclination or intention to seek relationships at all (as well as… Read more »
The demographic that Wes Carr was referring to are usually not men who form relationships and then end them. These are men that never form relationships in the first place and largely do not seek relationships in the first place. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herbivore_men http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/foreigners/2009/06/the_herbivores_dilemma.html it’s an extreme act of cowardice to abandon a committed relationship because you can’t deal with conflict Does that mean persons are obligated to seek and put themselves into relationships in the first place, lest they be condemned as “cowards”? Even in the context that you describe, every person has the right to leave a relationship if it… Read more »
People often have conflicting interests in their lives, and some may rationally decide that relationships are not an interest that is worth the costs and burdens, and that they wish to forego relationships to more fully pursue other interests (gratification, professional, intellectual, spiritual, monastic, etc.) It is entirely legitimate for a person to decline a relationship, just as it is for a person to decline a solicitation to buy a new car or to change one’s religion. And sometimes, it may be a more “rational” and “compassionate” action to avoid being in close interactions with other people so as to… Read more »
How is “walking away” from a relationship showing respect? You are sparing the other person from being encumbered or burdened with your demands, desires, and expectations and leaving him/her completely free to pursue his/her own interests and desires and seek out a more fulfilling and satisfying condition in his/her life without having to deal with your possible interference and obstruction. it’s an extreme act of cowardice to abandon a committed relationship because you can’t deal with conflict If the person is as venal and “cowardly” as you assume him to be, then he would seem to be doing a great… Read more »
The article is about raising boys differently, and helping them see things in a new way. This is what those men are doing now. They are choosing not to have relationships in the first place, not walking away from ones they are already in.