When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.
~ Karl Menninger
Two of the most common goals my clients have is to improve their communication and have better, more and deeper intimacy with their wives. What they, and most men, don’t realize how connected these two are.
Which is why I did a “Roommate to Romeo” Workshop. The men who joined me were open, interested, and generous. They really wanted to learn how to connect more intimately with their wives.
We started off talking about the path to intimacy for a lot of women—emotional safety → emotional connection → physical intimacy.
Many men focus on the end of the equation. For the analytical, left-brained men I attract, the reason is pretty simple. The amount of physical intimacy can be quantified.
They can give me the stats: how often they have sex, how long it lasts, etc.
But the focus on the desired end result, instead of the conditions that are necessary to reach that result, puts the focus on the wrong end of the equation.
And the emotional connection she needs doesn’t lend itself to easy counting. More than likely, she needs some level of emotional connection to want to be physically intimate.
But how much is enough? And what exactly does it look like?
This is what the men who participated in the workshop wanted to know. Maybe you do too.
They shared that they often felt overwhelmed by how much their wives wanted to communicate. Often about things they didn’t fully understand or find that interesting. They often missed that this was the opening that would lead them to the physical connection they want.
Please don’t misunderstand, they don’t just want sex. They want the deeper connection that having sex provides. They love their wives and want to feel close to them. Sound familiar?
One of the biggest take-aways from the workshop was when I shared the quote by David Augsberger,
Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.
Don’t like ads? Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad free
I could actually see the lightbulbs going off.
And. It. Was. Amazing.
Did it go off for you as well? I sure hope so.
Too often, you listen to respond instead of listening to understand. You’re planning how to get your point across instead of trying to understand what she is trying to say. And it’s often much deeper than the words she is using.
But listening—real, deep, interested listening—is the key to better communication AND greater intimacy.
So take the Augsberger quote to heart. You’ve got this.
—
Previously Published on The Hero Husband and is republished on Medium.
***
You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project
Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often | Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | ..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything |
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—
Photo credit: iStock