The latest ad from Matthew Hussey on Insta makes me cringe.
As a woman, I don’t appreciate it if someone teaches me how to respond to a guy asking for a sexy picture. Why not teach men to be respectful instead?
And it’s just one of the “dating rules” floating around on the internet. Most of them are stupid anyway.
The same goes with the 5th date rule. If you want to build a healthy and long-term relationship, following the rule is the last thing you should do.
Here’s why:
Long-term relationship vs casual dating
5th date rule is where you’re supposed to either be serious or dump the person. They say it’s the perfect time to know if he/she is the “one”.
The 5th date rule is also a dating rule where you wait until the 5th date before having sex with someone.
While I agreed with the latter definition, I highly doubt you’ll know if someone is the right person for you just from having 5 dates.
People romanticize the idea of the “when you know, you know” statement but choosing a partner in life isn’t that simple. Especially now in modern dating.
Recent research confirmed that most Americans find dating a lot more challenging in the past year. Even with all the new dating Apps that keep showing up.
A girl I knew got married 6 months after she met him on Tinder. It’s a long-painful process to get all the documents done because her husband originally came from the Netherlands.
Getting married in Bali isn’t easy. Her parents wanted him to convert into a Muslim so he did.
After spending thousands of dollars on a wedding and a new house, they decided to get a divorce a year later.
If you ask them why they’ll tell you how they “are no longer on the same page”.
This is a common mistake many young people make nowadays. They don’t want to slow down and rely too much on strong chemistry at the beginning.
5th date or the 10th date is still too quick to decide if you want to tie the knot with this person in the next 6 months.
Because feelings come and go. Of course, it feels magical during the honeymoon phase. You both think it’s the right decision but truly, it’s far from being practical.
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The unnecessary pressure to find “the one” ASAP
“Because when you’re rushing into finding someone who’s right for you, you might lose sight of what you truly need in a relationship.”
Another problem with this 5th date rule is that it makes singles think they need to find “the one” as soon as possible. You treat it like a fast project.
There’s a difference between not wanting to waste your time because the person is a walking red flag and making an assumption without taking the time to know their personality.
I agree that you shouldn’t settle for less. I’m all about being with someone who wants to make the relationship work no matter what.
But there’s no need to pressure yourself on the journey.
Because when you’re rushing into finding someone who’s right for you, you might lose sight of what you truly need in a relationship.
You might focus too much on the shallow bucket list you have but don’t really know their true colors yet.
Just because someone isn’t 100% perfect for you by the 5th date, it doesn’t mean that’s the end of it. Some people need more time to open up and express their feelings.
You never know unless you’re willing to spend more time with them.
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There’s no such a thing as the perfect dating rules
The more you follow what you’re “supposed to do” while dating, the less connected you’re to yourself.
Been there. Done that.
You might get the guy/girl you want by doing some tricks but at the end of the day, it still wouldn’t feel genuine.
The relationship wouldn’t feel as rewarding as you’d imagine it to be because it’s all full of mind games.
If you’re on TikTok, you’ll see many of those dating rules. When and how many times you should text someone in a day, what to say over text, and even what to wear on your first date!
It’s too much 🤯
You don’t need more pressure to make it all perfect and flawless.
I’m here to remind you that you don’t need to follow certain rules or feel guilty if you don’t because you know what? It doesn’t freaking matter.
You’d know when someone isn’t good for you. Your gut is there to tell you — all you need to do is to listen to it carefully. We all have the power to make wise decisions.
I don’t think we use it enough when it comes to dating and relationships.
It took me 5 years to realize this too. The truth is, no one knows your love life better than you do.
So despite how many rules out there that people think you should follow, it’s still you who needs to call the shot.
Don’t make another mistake by blindly following the stupid rules.
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My goal here is to make you feel less alone on your love life journey. If you resonate with my stories, stay in tune by becoming a Medium member here or support me on ko-fi. Don’t forget your FREE guide on healthy dating.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Artur Voznenko on Unsplash