Ahhh. The good old days of non-stop rejections. I remember them like it was yesterday. I’d go out with a girl once, and then for some insane reason the Einstein of me couldn’t figure out, she disappeared.
POOF.
She didn’t reply to texts. I wasn’t available on the phone. They even unfollowed me on Instagram. It’s like she never existed.
And all I was left with was, “AH?, What just happened?”
(read all the life lessons I learned in my free ebook here)
The most common reasons men are ghosted after a date
You’re caught up in a goal-
Guys from old Facebook groups told me, “Always be closing”. And I took it too far. You should do this with intelligence.
I took a girl out and invited her home two hours later. It never worked back then. I remember the stress I was in.
After we left the cafe or bar, it all came down to, “Wanna hang out in my place?” I was anxious. I mumbled these lines and tripped over my words.
The problem was it came off as needy. That’s because I WAS needy. I needed to prove myself I could get laid, and these methods work. My mood depended on whether she came home with me or not. In a way, I needed her approval.
Sometimes I was pushy about that. I offered the girl to come over again, even if she said no, like I was trying to convince her.
It’s easy to realize why they ghosted me. I creeped them out. Neediness is the biggest red flag a woman can sense.
Once I stopped pushing for sex on the first date, everything changed. Suddenly, the girls didn’t ghost me.
I let go of sex altogether. I went out with them because I wanted to and did not need to (at least not much). And it showed.
2. You haven’t shown interest and made her feel appreciated-
It ties to #1. If you’re in your head, busy with your own goals and insecurities, you’re done.
A sales coach once told me, “If you’re in your head, you’re dead.”
We’re not selling anything here. But if you’re not listening to what she says and not present in the conversation, she’ll sense that. And she’ll assume you’re interested.
Then when you contact her after the date, she’ll be confused. “Why is he texting me? He didn’t seem to care”.
Let go of everything inside your head and try to enjoy the moment. Enjoy the atmosphere, your drink, and obviously, try to enjoy the girl you’re with.
Get to know her. What is she into? What does she do for work? Does she love it? How many brothers or sisters she has? Does she live alone or with partners? Where did she go to college, if at all?
All that stuff matters. You’re carefully listening to her life story. You’re giving room for who she is. And that’s gonna make her feel like you care.
When she says or does something you like, let her know about it.
And try not to fake it, please.
Your interest should be genuine. If you have zero interest, you’re probably with the wrong person.
Sidenote: Pay for the date. Women don’t like cheap men. So don’t be. Or don’t go out with her at all. Two cups of coffee won’t make you broke. And if they do, that’s another issue you must take care of.
3. You didn’t take the lead-
that’s a classic rookie mistake. I used to do it all the time when I started dating girls. Women like men who lead the way. Period.
You don’t wanna ask things like, “So, what do you want to do?” Or say, “Hmm, I don’t care where we go. You choose.”
No. Please no. At this point, you already turned her off.
Whatever you’re doing, you want to offer and take the lead. “Let’s grab a drink this weekend”. “Let’s sit here. “Let’s go there”. “Let’s meet at 8 PM. I’ll pick you up if it works for you”.
Always lead. And on the other hand, always be considerate. You don’t want to take charge of everything like a Macho idiot. You’re leading, offering, and “marketing”, not hard-selling and stating facts.
Do this right, and you already stand out from most men.
4. There was no chemistry-
Sometimes it just doesn’t work. There’s no click. Yet the girl is more experienced than you and realizes it faster. Or maybe you’ve also realized it, yet still push for the second date because you hope to get laid (or was it just me?).
Whatever reason it might be, she’s not into you. And that’s fine. You probably feel the same. Chemistry both works ways.
Also, not everyone is going to like you. Some women will fall in love with who you are. Others won’t give a damn because you’re not their type. You can be the most amazing guy in the world, and she still won’t care.
Conclusion
I tested all sorts of bullshit “techniques” and “methods”. And I was caught up in proving to myself they worked. Not only that, I needed to prove to myself I could get laid. And that kept me stuck for years.
Let go. Enjoy the girl you’re with you. Make a genuine effort to get to know her. Dress the part, and go have some fun. If it works out, great. If not, learn from it and move on. It wasn’t a mistake if you learned from it.
Get my free ebook, “Life Lessons From Getting Rejected by Hundreds Of Women”
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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