Fear makes us do things that are not in our best interest; similarly, fear of being alone makes us choose people who do not deserve to be around us. We all want to feel loved; how that love must manifest depends on you. For example, my love language is physical touch, but that might not be the case for you.
The problem arises when we ignore our feelings and small things that we like because we are too scared to lose the other person. Matthew Hussey says that if we operate with a scarcity mindset, we risk settling for less than we deserve.
Before entering a relationship, sit with yourself to gain awareness about what you like and want to have in your ideal relationship. I am not asking you to be rigid about superficial things but to understand the values and vision you want to share with your partner. If you want commitment in a relationship, be clear from the beginning. Ask the other person if they are looking for casual fun or a serious long-term relationship. Commitment does not and will not happen in a day but ensuring that you both have that in your vision board will save you from wasting time and effort on someone who was not the right person for you from the start! Do not shy away from having difficult conversations.
Let’s move ahead from these deep issues and talk about superficial things.
A friend of mine shared a post on Instagram and his opinions about it which fits right for this article:
He said, “Interesting how what seems to be a high bar for women is what I think should be a bare minimum.”
Small things matter. We feel loved not by the grand gestures someone does for us occasionally but by the small things they do for us daily. Do not give up on your idea of an ideal relationship. Explore, go out there, and talk to more people!
But, while I tell you all of this, I do not want you to take away the impression that you must not adjust in a relationship. The long-term success of relationships does require you to adjust, but the question we need to ask ourselves is what we are adjusting to.
You must not adjust to things like lack of respect and support, but if your partner does not like your favorite sport, you can work with them to explore activities and find one you both like. Remember that adjustment does not mean sacrifice. If you two do not have a lot of common interests, the solution is to not give up on either of your interest or stop spending time together but rather to put effort into finding activities that you both will enjoy.
So, remember:
- Begin with being aware of what you want,
- Operate from an abundance mindset (which means that there are plenty of great guys out there for you),
- Adjust, do not sacrifice.
IMPORTANT NOTE
You need to be a queen to find someone who treats you like a queen! While I have told you all about not lowering your standards for a guy, I also want you to remember that you need to educate yourself about healthy ways to love and be a high-value woman.
I will share some resources that will help you do that:
- Matthew Hussey; his youtube channel and his book ‘Get the Guy’ are both great resources
- John Gottman’s books (My favorites are Eight Dates and Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work)
- Bhanu Singhal, you can read my articles on my blog if you cannot read long books
Parting Advice: Investing in educating oneself on love and relationships will make your life way more magical and happier than you could ever imagine. I promise!
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I am available for freelance content gigs; drop a mail at [email protected]
Thanks for reading.
Check out my other pieces on relationships and life here: Bhanu Singhal
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
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 Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box |
 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
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Photo credit: iStockPhoto.com
