You are worthy of love. I try to tell myself this every day and especially on the days when I’m feeling worthless which happens sometimes. Self-worth is dependent on many factors, but for me, when I don’t feel valued or appreciated by my loved ones or in my career, my self-worth feels like it is deteriorating. I do inherently value myself, but when other people don’t recognize my objective awesomeness I do feel sad. I’m not indicating that other people’s approval is necessary for me to feel good about myself. But on the days when I’m feeling down and I can’t seem to find that place within myself that reminds me I’m a decent human being, having someone remind me of my value is helpful.
It’s not a bad thing to have other people tell you that you are lovable; particularly if those people are members of your support system, such as friends and family members. We can always work on how much we love ourselves, and that’s the ultimate goal, but it’s not mutually exclusive to love oneself and be loved by someone else. Remember that you are a unique person and sometimes we can see ourselves more clearly when other people point out things about ourselves that we take for granted. Here’s a small example, the other day, my friend said to me, “Sarah, you’re a great friend.” I was taken aback because, in my mind, I hear myself on the phone with her asking for her advice on things and I constantly feel like I am so needy. Yet, here she was telling me that I was being a great friend to her. I asked her why, because I wanted to understand where this lovely compliment came from. She told me that I was there for her when she needed to talk about something she was struggling with and she appreciated that. That made me remember that I am worthy of love and she loved and appreciated me.
We are all “worthy of love” as human beings. Even extremely damaged and broken people need to feel loved. In fact, those are the people who need love the most. It’s just that when people who haven’t been shown love actively ask for it, it might come out in unconventional ways. People who are deprived of love sometimes lash out in anger for example. When you’ve been in an emotionally abusive relationship, and your feelings are consistently neglected or ignored, you’re bound to develop resentment toward the person who is disregarding how you feel. You might get angry with them or reactive. Even after leaving the relationship, trauma survivors who have developed PTSD from abusive relationships can carry those wounds into new relationships. They might still believe that they do not deserve to be loved even though this is not the case because as I stated earlier, we all deserve to be loved.
I’ve learned that the best place to come from is from a place of love. When you look at what someone else is going through, and you care about them, offer them love and support. This shows them that they are worthy of love and it reminds you that you’re a caring individual. Let’s continue to love and support the people we care about and remind one another that we deserve love.
Originally published on Huffington Post
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