If someone paid me every time someone told me they have to lose weight to get a date, I would be living in a mansion right now, with a Tesla parked in the garage.
There are people everywhere that believe the lie that they must be thin to attract love. They spend their lives desperately trying to fight genetics and change a body that refuses to cooperate. They order salads when they’re starving. They refuse a slice of their own birthday cake. This is insanity.
The diet industry constantly sends us on a merry-go-round of diets. They all promise they’re not like the others — they have the diet that will transform your body and your life.
And when you’re thin, you will transform from an ugly duckling into the most beautiful swan. At that point, all of your problems will be over, and the love of your life will find you.
The facts are, most people gain back the weight they lose.
My friend’s fluctuating weight
I have a beautiful friend. She’s been overweight and she’s been slim. When she was overweight, men rarely approached her. Yet when she was slim, she had way more interest from the opposite sex. The problem was, that the men who were attracted to her when she was slim, expected her to remain slim. The main reason they desired her was because of her slender body.
The second my friend gained weight, her boyfriends dragged her to the gym, to help her keep her weight down. If she didn’t go, they lost interest in her. They only saw themselves with a slender, fit woman.
When she was heavier she met a wonderful boyfriend. He truly cared for her, no matter what weight she was. Like many women, her weight often fluctuated. He treated her like a queen, better than the others did. Because he was in love with everything about her — the entire package. He saw her beautiful heart, her fun personality, and liked her not-so-perfect body. She didn’t feel she had to measure down on a tape measure to measure up.
The truth is that the right person will love you for who you are; the way you are now. They will love your best qualities and live with your flaws because they know they have flaws too.
Losing weight may attract the wrong person
If you lose weight just to attract someone, you will get more people interested in dating you. But is that the kind of interest that you want? Do you really want to be with somebody who only values you because of your slim appearance? Do you want someone who will drop you like a hot potato if you gain a few pounds?
The media is constantly bombarding us with images of airbrushed models, as thin as a pencil. Even celebrities believe they must be thin. They spend thousands of dollars on plastic surgery and adhering to strict dieting regimens to pursue perfection.
But we’ve been fed a lie. How do I know this? All you have to do is look around you. Look in the grocery store, the park, or on the metro. People aren’t perfect and they’re coupled up. The world is filled with imperfect people that are very happy together.
There are couples everywhere; content and married for years. Do all these people look like Kim Kardashian? Absolutely not. Most are too curvy, too boney, or dangerously obese. Yet these flawed people have loving partners who have been with them for years. They still gaze in the eyes of each other adoringly.
Love is all around us. You ever see an elderly couple walking on the beach? Do you think they really care that the love of their life grew older with them and developed stretch marks or wrinkles? They know that’s a part of aging that we all must face.
What love is
You want a partner who won’t give a damn about your stretch marks or wrinkles when you’re sick. You want that partner to bring you warm soup and tea. You want a partner who will care for you when you’re in good health and bad. You want someone who will love you when you’re fit and also when you’re unfit — to love you just the way you are.
If they can’t handle a few extra pounds on your frame, how are they going to handle cancer or debilitating disease? Statistics show that partners often leave or divorce someone when they get cancer. Especially when the cancer patient is a woman. Will they be that superficial to abandon you because you don’t have the perfect body anymore? That’s not loving someone.
The only reason we should lose weight is that we want to, or if a doctor asks us to drop some pounds for health reasons. We shouldn’t be focused on weight loss for attracting love. That is unless we want to attract a superficial person. You know, the one who cheats on you because you gained weight. You don’t need that headache in your life.
If you love being trim and fit, then go for it. You will then attract a partner who also likes working out and the two of you will be very happy. But if you are the type of person who hates the gym, and would rather spend time hanging out at a book store with your love, then don’t change yourself for anyone. You would then attract the kind of person you want — someone who is similar to you. You’ll find someone who would rather take a leisurely walk with you after dinner, than a strenuous hike up the hills.
I look around me at my overweight friends — male and female, that are happily coupled with someone. These are people who’ve stuck by each other for years. They are living proof that we’ve been fed a lie. You can be happy if you aren’t pencil-thin. You can have someone who loves you in spite of your imperfection.
You don’t have to be thin to attract the love you want.
This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
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