Showtime comments on the way things used to be when he was a kid, and how an episode of T.I. and Tiny’s Family Hustle reminded him of how much discipline has changed.
Originally appeared at The Single Fathers Blog
One of the major questions that is asked every day in the world of parenthood is should parents spank their kids, or is it enough just to put them in time out and talk to them.
One of my favorite shows to watch on TV right now is ‘T.I. and Tiny’s Family Hustle’ on VH1. If you have never seen the show you are missing out! The show follows the life of rapper Clifford ‘T.I.’ Harris and his wife Tameka as they raise their six children together and attempt to maintain their own business ventures.
A part of this week’s episode was about the couple’s 4-year-old son Major being disciplined for doing something that he has been told time and time again not to do.
Since the show began airing last year, T.I. has told all of his kids to stay out of the precious “white room” in his home which is decked out with fine white furniture and carpet. In the episode that aired Monday night on VH1, Major used an orange marker to draw all over one of the couches in the white room. Keep in mind, the kids aren’t even supposed to be in the room so needless to say when T.I. found out that Major had totally disobeyed all orders there was TROUBLE…..TROUBLE!
Instead of taking an approach that many parents take and spanking his son, T.I. decided to use a much more diplomatic approach and put him in time out and have a talk with him about what he did.
During my childhood this would have been the quickest way to get a spanking with an extension chord, shoe, belt, or any other object that my mother could find, but I guess times have changed. Granted, T.I. is a convicted felon and it probably would be in his best interest to spank a 4-year-old on camera whether it was justified or not. The fact of the matter is that spanking is frowned upon by many people in today’s society. People will look at you like you are crazy if you spank your kids in a public place. It’s almost like there is an unwritten rule that says parents are not able to spank their kids any more.
Even though I have never had to spank my daughter, I am not opposed to it. I’m not saying that she is a perfect angel, but her behavior has never warranted me actually having to spank her. I will admit that I can be a pushover when it comes to her. She’s a daddy’s girl and sometimes all she has to do is look at me with those big brown eyes and I forgive all of her transgressions instantly. I like to believe that we have the type of relationship that is based on honest communications. When she slips up and does or says something wrong I tell her about it and expect her to learn a lesson and never do it again. If she does it again, I will correct her again in a much more firm tone of voice.
Watching T.I. put his son in time out looked familiar to me because the fact of the matter is that the more of yourself that you see in your children the harder it is to punish them. There is no manual that tells us how to discipline our kids. All we can do is use sound judgement to make the best possible decision. I hope there was more to the story than what was shown on TV, but the important thing is that the decision was made to discipline the child the way he wanted to and not based on what society thought was appropriate.
Watch a clip from the ‘T.I. and Tiny’s Family Hustle” below Via VH1
How do you discipline your children? Do you believe that spanking is acceptable, or should we all be putting our children in time out?
Where I live spanking is prohibited by law.
It is based on the simple principle that children are humans too and that they are entitled the same protection against physical violence/violation as all other humans (adults) are afforded under the law.
My country is not overrun by unspanked thugs and asocial people who failed to turn out ok.
Sorry, we don’t do policy based on rationality or universal principles here. What is it Churchill once said?
Americans can always be counted on to do the right thing…after they have exhausted all other possibilities.
Nick, I was spanked several times as a child, and all I learned was that disobeying my parents got me spanked. I understood, even then, my relationship with my parents is different than with others. They were in complete control of my young life, in order to raise me up to be a good adult. Spanking got the attention I wasn’t giving their reasonable rules, and taught me that breaking those rules had real, painful consequences. I have never hit another person in my life. However, if I ever have kids, they will be spanked if they deserve to be.
I was spanked, and turned out okay (if I do say so myself). Two other brothers were spanked, went down the gang path, but are now fine. Another brother was spanked, and ended up dead due to gang violence. Yet another brother was spanked, and ended up in jail for murder 2. See how useless anecdotes are? Being spanked, believe it or not, is not a predictor of turning out okay. There is a lot of good research out there on the effectiveness of corporeal punishment, and it all points to it being ineffective at achieving your goals. It doesn’t… Read more »
The problem with the research is that they group getting hit with a bare hand on the butt, with getting whipped with a belt on your back.
What research are you talking about? Can you provide a citation, please? To be honest, I don’t think you’re familiar with the research and are just making it up. Here’s a meta-analysis to start with: Is Corporal Punishment an Effective Means of Discipline?
About the study you just showed: “In 16 percent of the studies, parents were hitting their kids with objects, not with the palms of their hands. It also included punishments such as pinching and slapping.” Which is exactly what I was talking about. Also: “Furthermore, studying the true effects of corporal punishment requires drawing a boundary line between punishment and abuse. This is a difficult thing to do, especially when relying on parents’ self-reports of their discipline tactics and interpretations of normative punishment..” Even an OK state study showed a correlation between grounding and antisocial behavior (along with time outs… Read more »
The fact is the studies did not show corporal punishment to be effective at anything except producing immediate compliance. It frankly doesn’t matter if 1/8 of the studies included abusive punishment; it’s not as if the other studies showed it working most of the time. That grounding and time outs produce negative behavior is a strike against punishment in general, not an argument for spanking. Where are the studies that show spanking to be effective at anything other than producing temporary compliance? I doubt you’ll find many (I’m personally aware of two studies showing a very weak correlation and over… Read more »
I wasn’t arguing for spanking or against spanking. I think the issue is a lot more grey than the studies would lead us to believe at face value.
It’s really not, though.
Those studies have been replicated time and time again in many, many different circumstances in several fields with exactly the same results. I’m not going to go redo the research necessary to support that conclusion, but I did write an extensive paper on therapeutic boarding schools that dealt with that subject matter.
Fact is, physical discipline, while still widely practiced in basically unsupervised therapeutic settings, has not been taught as behavior modification by any respected educational institution since the eighties. It’s actually quite illegal. As in multimillion dollar settlements illegal.
The logical side of me can see both sides of the “to spank, or not to spank” argument. But the emotional side of me can not tolerate the notion of physical discipline. Imagine if a person whom you love and trust – who is also magnitudes larger than you in size – used physical force to send a message right now. What would that person really communicate to you in this moment: the intended message, or fear? Speak to people who were spanked as a kid, and you’ll commonly hear one of two things: I was abused, or I was… Read more »
It depends – what do you want? What are you hoping your children will learn? That violence is an acceptable means of punishment, of dealing with unwanted behavior in others? What are your goals? Temporary compliance? If so, spanking is exactly what you need. By all means proceed.