In the past, whenever I felt the sting rejection creeping in just close enough in proximity to injure my pride, my automatic, knee-jerk reaction would be to narrow in my focus and fixate upon my wounded self-esteem.
I only responded this way back then, and this may resonate with many of you, I didn’t yet grasp the concept that 9 times out of ten, the people involved weren’t necessarily rejecting me, but more so slinging out their own self-projections that rarely, if ever, had anything to do with me personally.
But back before I mastered the art of understanding other people’s projections and made it a fundamental part of my belief system, in all honesty, I truly believed that everything everyone else did was always 110% about me. This meant that anything they did or said, I would take VERY personally.
So if someone happened to reject me, instinctively, I would assume the worst. Any result that was less than desirable? I made it out to be my fault. After all it was me who must have done something wrong to deserve this outcome. The wounded side of me who likes to play it small had a field day. My mind, the deceitfully masterful storyteller played on my faulty belief system like a symphony conductor flawlessly does each instrument in an orchestra, constructing magnificently tall tales. Every tale perfectly pinpointed all the countless reasons why I’d been rejected.
Each interchangeable story had varying headlines with major themes ranging anywhere from my inadequacy to my own lack of self-worth and value, or my personal favorites about why I’m undesirable and unlovable. So, of course I’m undeserving of anything that lights me up and fills me with joy, main reason being that my personal character is insidiously and permanently flawed.
Well, after “Negative Thoughts Run Wild: The Mental Showdown Continues” broadcasted its gazillionth episode for the 30th consecutive year in my head, I decided I’d had enough. You can only exhaust yourself from running in circles with infinite amounts of conflicted storylines for so long before reaching an inevitable crash and burn. Plus, I was far enough along a path of coming into self-acceptance through attempting to delve myself deeply into developing an acute sense of self-awareness, that I decided I’d no longer allow myself to get hung up on story after story where I’m the perpetrator who has always done something wrong to deserve a life doomed to disappointment.
The first thing I did to snap out of this cycle of self-abuse was consciously choosing to stop exerting any of my energy toward the fictitious arrival of a moment where I’d magically win back the approval from everyone who has ever rejected me. I realized I didn’t need anyone’s approval to make me to feel whole again.
Second, I was like, you know what, life’s way too short to be spent beating myself up and lost in perpetual, never-ending states of sadness, regret, isolation, or the illusion of separateness. And I don’t need to feel envious over another persons preference of accepting or choosing someone else over me.
Quit giving away your power. It’s always your call to stop focusing on people who treat you like garbage rather than lift you up, anyway.
Take a moment in reflective self-inquiry and really ask yourself what part of you is feeling so desperate in its need to feel included in the spaces that have painstakingly made it clear they have absolutely zero desire to authentically get to know you. Why are you seeking company from those who have and will continue to turn their backs on you, not just during difficult times of challenge, but in your times of celebratory accomplishment as well? Stop being the square peg who continually tries to fit themselves into a round hole in all the spaces that don’t feed your soul, reignite your passions, and fuel your deepest dreams and desires.
Remember, you are not just some holiday getaway for people to escape their problems, distract themselves in temporary enjoyment, only to then forget you like it’s never happened.
Will you allow yourself to be treated like some casket where, like they treat the dead, people can come to bury away their grievances, dumping their frustrations in some grave never to be recalled again once the funeral’s over?
You are not some piece of garbage. So quit acting like that’s all you’re worth and stop letting negligent people treat you like toilet paper, use you only when they need you, and discard you when they’re finished.
Quit revisiting past memories of rejection and let go of the people, space or opportunities who do nothing more for you than feed your fears. Surrender all the why’s and do your best to accept others for exactly who they are, but most of all accept yourself. Self-love is a journey of acceptance, not perfection.
You are not trash, so stop allowing painful past rejections to discard your dreams.
Realize life is nearly limitless and full of abundantly new opportunities, but none of them can ever be fully realized until you release past wounds of rejection and heal them by choosing to stop reliving old painful scenarios.
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