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Happiness is what we strive for in life. The mere thought of happiness can either fill us with dread, due to uncertainty about getting it when we have low self-esteem and depression. Or, make us smile as we know how good it feels, and that regardless of our current situation, it is coming.
Happiness can come easily in small doses. Many of us get hung up on bigger things in life, with success in business, marriage, and family being major things that most people draw a measuring stick for their overall happiness in life. Sometimes what you think you have though, is actually far from the case. Something I found out the hard way, and it totally shook my world.
Happiness Is Here I Have Everything To Be Truly Happy In Life, Don’t I?
On the 14th of December 2014, I met an amazing lady. We became friends, meeting up often for coffee, talking about the world and life in depth. I got to know her well, she had had a rough few years, and was doing her best to create a good life for herself and her daughter. I had a huge amount of respect for her strength through everything she had experienced. We came to a point where we decided that dating, would be wonderful, as we felt as though we truly belonged together. We began dating, and things were magical. In time I was introduced to her daughter.
Katie seemed like a great kid, highly creative, funny and actually very supportive of her mother and I being together. After one time we all spent the day together she actually suggested that I move in and that her mom and I get married, something her mom and me both thought incredible, and highly supportive. So in July of 2015, I left my apartment in Osaka, yes I was living in Japan, and moved in with them in Kobe.
After some testing times with relationships, I truly thought happiness and harmony was here. Work with my business was picking up and some seriously good things were happening in life. I felt like I had made it. Things were good. I had everything, and things were only going to get happier from here. Weren’t they?
Happiness Slips Away And My World Falls Apart
Things started going sideways not long after I moved in. For a time they were good, things were different though. While my partner and I were great, there had been a change in Katie’s behavior. We put it down to early onset teenager, Katie was 12 at that time. She was acting out and becoming violent and abusive on an increasingly regular basis, mainly towards me. Previously if I had caught any whiff of trouble I would have been gone. However, at this point, my partner and I had already put plans in motion to get married, and being a master practitioner in NLP I believed I had what it took to turn the situation around. That I could find a strategy that would ensure Katie felt loved and supported, and that we could all enjoy being a happy family together.
Things, however, got worse. Whatever I did, Katie would just become more abusive, find something to object to, or some way to cause greater stress within the home we all shared. Still, I was committed to creating happiness for everyone. And with everyone’s expectations being high, I wasn’t going to be the one to let people down. I was going to show the world that I could handle this, and create a loving environment full of happiness for all, whatever I had to do. By meditating and using Ho’oponopono every day I was able to hold my calm, thus deal with everything in a compassionate and reasonable way. My wife and her mother had made it very clear they expected me to handle all the discipline in the family, which I did to the best of my ability, in a fair and compassionate way.
The abuse grew worse and worse over the years. We had given Katie the opportunity of having NLP coaching, though her coach was doing nothing to get into issues causing Katie’s stress, and Katie had seemingly zero desire to actually open up discussions from her side either. I found this strange having always dived into the biggest issues in people’s life when doing coaching with them, as I knew the greatest growth came from their release. Eventually one October evening in 2018 Katie had a meltdown way beyond anything before. Both her mom and I were in tears, we were at a loss of what to do. We ended up on Skype to my mom, wanting to gain a different perspective and some support.
What we discovered is that Katie had had a huge meltdown when she was with my mom that summer, and that she had revealed she had made it her life’s purpose to split her mom and I up and to force me out of the house. And that she’d decided to do so not long after I had moved in. I was shocked, but my partner refused to believe this of her daughter, as a parent who wants to hear anything negative about their kids? Things went downhill fast. I felt completely unsupported, my wife let Katie do whatever she wanted, and discipline grew impossible as a result. Katie also grew more abusive, and my wife did practically nothing. Everything was falling apart.
Happiness Comes From Crisis And Chaos, Sometimes You Have To Walk Away To Be Happy
Eventually, a discussion was had, Katie said that she would prefer to see her mom heartbroken, lonely and divorced than change in anyway, letting go of pain, so that everyone could be happy. I knew at that point that I had to go. Unless I did no-one would be happy. It was heartbreaking. This was more than just finding a place nearby, I had to move overseas, and I loved living in Japan. I also still loved my wife. With such opposition to happiness from Katie though, the situation was completely unworkable. I was crushed under my expectations, and my desire for love and happiness to conquer all.
I left Japan on the 19th of April 2019, I felt broken, but knew I could rebuild myself, I had done before many times. The reality was, that situation was unworkable. What I realized was that I had at best created a growth situation. Reflection had me realize I was working to make everyone else happy, and fighting to create something good where I was less than welcome. In walking away I have been able to redefine my life, recover my self-esteem, release stress and create harmony in my life. Yes, leaving someone I loved was hard. I am able to work with lessons learned to create greater happiness than I have experienced before though. So never fear loss or change. From chaos can comes order.
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