Have you ever been that guy or known those guys, who normally don’t express too much affection towards their guy friends, but when drunk, go crazy about it?
“Duuuude. You know what? I love you!! So much… Like I don’t know what I would have done without you….you’re my man. My boyyyyyyy….!! BROS FOR LIFE!”
And the next day, it’s either all forgotten or you don’t really talk about it.
A man I know once agreed with me on actually meeting up with one of his guy friends, to talk about how much he valued their friendship. We thought it could be a good challenge for him. And after a few weeks, he told me he’d done it. And he was drunk while doing it!
…So I told him to do it again…without being drunk.
I can laugh a little bit when thinking about it, but it’s actually a problem that ought to be fixed. If we can’t express our gratitude and love for our friends when being sober, then something’s wrong.
Another guy once told me that he didn’t really talk about “deep things” with his guy friends, because he didn’t want his friendships to become “too serious”. I then asked him: “Well, do you want close friends in your life?” He said yes. And I asked him what makes a close friendship. And he said: “Well, I guess it’s by opening up to each other. To really get to know each other”.
– You see what happened here? His first statement went against his last statement. He didn’t want his friendships to get too serious, but he wanted close friendships (which means that one has to get a bit serious and open up about one’s life!)
After interviewing several guys — I‘ve figured out that many of them normally don’t talk about deep things in their friendships (though they say that they CAN if they want to) because they’re afraid that it’s gonna be “all serious” and no fun. But that’s simply not the reality. A friendship consists of many things. It changes. It consists of serious times, fun times, adventurous times, beautiful times, challenging times….you name it. And by “getting serious” when needed — and maybe a bit more often than what we feel is comfortable, doesn’t mean that you’ll have to be serious all the time.
Popular culture communicates that a man isn’t really interested in close friendships. He’s just interested in messing around and chilling out. That’s what a man is. That’s what’s “masculine”.
— but why is it that many guys, when being drunk, can’t help it but showering their bros with love?
And hey, if young boys are being taught to “man up” at a young age — to not express too many emotions or gratitude for their friends, then it’s not a surprise that many men find it uncomfortable to be serious in their friendships. Why? Because they’ve been trained away from wanting and doing it — so when they first experience a little bit of this seriousness, they freak out. Because they’re not used to it anymore.
You might have heard the classic story about a guy freaking out because of his girlfriend is being too emotional…. We often just say it’s a guy thing. But that’s an invalid excuse. A little boy isn’t freaked out by emotions. But a man is.
…one would assume that a man would be more emotionally and relationally mature than a little boy, right?
A little boy doesn’t need to get drunk to express his love for his friend. But a grown-up man does.
CEO of Brothers.
Previously published on Medium.
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