Today we are going to Over Analyze our worries.
I know, that’s weird, right? Usually we want to lean away from our worries, or run as fast as we can. Ever since we put our hand on that hot pan or got stung by that bee as a little child we have learned to stay away from trouble.
Wait, you touched a hot pan last week? You’re allergic to bee stings? Well those analogies didn’t turn out how I’d planned.
The role of anxiety thinking is to keep us safe and alive, and literally has a separate part of our brain dedicated to its administration.
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I don’t know if it is something in the air, the water, or our Jungian collective unconscious Borg-Mind, but somehow my friend and fellow GMP contributor, Sean Swaby, and I both succumbed to the urge to write about anxiety this week. You can read his article about male female differences in the experience of anxiety by clicking HERE.
Worry is a part of our lives, and anxiety is simply worry taken to the next level. Anxiety is a major factor in many diagnosable illnesses, and can make anything feel much worse. It is there for a good reason, and does us a service. The Amygdala is the part of our brain charged with getting us ramped up to an anxious state. It is separate from the Frontal Cortex, where our day-to-day problem solving and higher level thinking takes place. If the Frontal Cortex is a CEO of the brain, then the Amygdala is like the security team. The role of anxiety thinking is to keep us safe and alive, and literally has a separate part of our brain dedicated to its administration.
In therapy I talk to people anxiety with the following metaphor:
Imagine you are in a classroom, listening to a Professor deliver a lecture. I know it’s fun, but stay with me, don’t get lost in the fantasy, nerds! Suddenly, mid-lecture, a fully armed soldier bursts into the room.
The Soldier tells the Professor to sit down, and then announces to the class that there is some type of crises on campus. The military have assembled to take care of everyone, and you will all be safe as long as you do what the soldier says.
Picture everyone’s reaction to the situation. How likely is the Professor to stand up and tell the Soldier to sit down? How well would that be received? Imagine a soldier’s reaction to that type of insubordination, and you might understand why a person in the middle of a strong bout with anxiety might not respond well to being told to calm down.
Similarly, the Frontal Cortex defers to the Amygdala during times of crises, whether real or perceived.
What if the Soldier told the Professor to keep lecturing? How well will the class be able to focus on the topic, with a terror attack presumably going on outside? For the same reason, our long-term reasoning skills shut down during high stress.
More important to the purposes of this article, and assuming the Soldier is telling the truth, consider this question: what is motivating the Soldier? Do they enjoy bossing people around? Maybe. But is it a new and exciting hobby to risk your life to protect a random group of strangers? Probably not.
The Soldier is there because of caring. There is an active interest in keeping the civilians safe in the situation. Whether or not you agree with the Soldier’s presence, or if it ruins your plans for the afternoon, there is at least a perceived risk paired with a desire to protect.
Just like virtually all emo-teens turn around to eventually thank their mom and dad for watching out for them (that’s how that plays out, right?) we could all benefit from giving a little thank-you once in a while with our more pervasive anxieties. |
Our anxiety is the same way. No matter how flawed its logic, worry tries to keep us safe. This is even true when it tries to get us to do silly or stupid things. Fredric Neuman, MD, states that anxiety “serves to preserve the individual, just as sexual feelings serve to preserve the species.”
It can help to view anxiety as acting like an overprotective protector; like the parent who won’t let us get on the internet, just in case we send nude selfies, even though our friend got like totally busted doing that last year and we are not so totally stupid as to do the same thing. Uuuuuuggggghhhhh! Parents, #amIright?
Just like virtually all emo-teens turn around to eventually thank their mom and dad for watching out for them (that’s how that plays out, right?) we could all benefit from giving a little thank-you once in a while with our more pervasive anxieties.
Try this: think of the last time you felt overwhelmed with worry, stressed out, or even had a panic attack. Try to recall the experience with as many details as possible. Ask yourself:
Where was I ?
Who was around?
What was I wearing, doing, thinking, planning, etc?
When you think about the moment, try to identify a trigger of some sort.
What set the reaction off?
What was going on around me at the time?
Was it more of an internal trigger, my reaction or thoughts?
Did it tie in with external factors, something that happened?
How did I feel that day leading up to that moment?
Was I feeling sick, tired, hungry, or any other agitating feelings?
Once you have the trigger in mind, or some potential triggers, picture your anxiety in some sort of humanized form. Many times people picture their anxiety as a big mean bully that tells them to feel badly about themselves. This can be useful at times, but we are shooting at a different target here.
Try picturing your anxiety taking a helpful form, something like:
A caring, worried parent
A teacher, coach, or mentor
A helpful soldier, like from a brilliant metaphor you might have read somewhere …
Picture this person standing in front of you. Then imagine you ask them: “What are you trying to protect me from?”
Imagine to yourself what they would say. Do they know exactly, have an immediate answer? Or do they hesitate, seeming unsure of themselves? In therapy, you and I would pick apart their answer, getting analytical and such. For the purposes of today’s article we will skip to a later step.
I’d like you to tell them some version of the following:
“I might not agree with how strongly you are protecting me right now, but I want to thank you for trying to keep me safe. I know that you mean well, and that you love me. Thank you.”
We may express thanks to an actual soldier for their service, but when is the last time you thanked the anxiety soldier within your own head? Hopefully never, or else this article is probably a complete waste of your time. You know what, though? I don’t apologize. It’s a big wide Internet out there, so go read something else Mr. Picky.
Big, big, BIG qualifier here: if you are suffering from crippling panic attacks and dangerous bouts of anxiety, my little exercise above is NOT designed to replace regular therapy and appropriate medical intervention. Therapy and medication are often necessary to help address this problem.
Over the following week, I will be doing this exercise, and Tweeting about it (@breakabrain) under the Hashtag: #Thanxiety. My goal will be to find one worry per day that deserves a thank you from me. The first half of that challenge will be easy—I’m an anxious guy. The second part will, I hope, be helpful. Helpful to me that is. I am hoping that you will find your own anxieties that need a little love.
If you decide to join me in tweeting those insights, especially under the sweet parasol of #Thanxiety, then I will be truly honored.
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Photo: Getty Images
Thanks. I love this idea. I could see him(he was a soldier) instantly and he didn’t hesitate when telling me what he was protecting me from. I can never get such a quick and clear answer to anything in my mind. Pretty cool. Also, he reminded me of the Indian in Indian in the cupboard. What is great though is that I was so happy he was there. I needed him so much at that moment, the one that happened yesterday. But even imagining him after the fact; he could tell me something about the true thing all of me… Read more »