The most important element in all forms of communication is the understanding the element of what isn’t being said.
~Philosophy of Language
So many focus on good communication, listening skills and that is wonderful and a big part of a healthy relationship.
But when dating and getting to know someone, it is a very good skill in hearing what isn’t said.
Body language is 85% of communication. Adding in the lack of disclosure, the majority of communication is what isn’t being spoken verbally.
Recognizing this is a good skill in life to have also. In the dating game, it becomes an important part of finding a true match.
Why is this? Because often times, early on, a facade is present; the need to get approval, avoid rejection and too often times get “the goods”.
When talking about issues that are important it is good to hear all of it! What isn’t said can speak louder than what is said, if you listen.
We are not taught this skill and we have to embark on a mission of understanding the art of what isn’t being said.
Perhaps after the fact, you find yourself turning your head and wondering if you really heard the truth or just part of it. Did they skip over the truth lightly, and you feel uncomfortable about it.
I’ve often had to say when dating: you didn’t really answer my question.
When communicating it can be so easy to continue talking without pause or reflection to even realize that.
Did they answer your question? Did they give you a chance to respond, was the subject changed? Was it answered with another question? Did it get deflected back to you?
One of the most important aspects of finding a match is being ready to hear the truth, the whole truth. Watch how you don’t want to hear anything that “can ruin the moment” and how you might let it slide. We’ve all done it.
Seeking approval is one of the biggest blinds spots in dating and relating; honestly, even in life.
Practice with friends people you meet out and about that you have no romantic intentions with and develop the skill. Parents have to be keen on this as teenagers will often times just not say it. You have to hear what isn’t said.
It takes presence and no attachment, plus security in yourself that you can speak up and ask what wasn’t said. Notice it and be able to have the awareness when it is happening and when someone is really just telling you everything and answering the questions.
Most all of us can notice this.
I’ve had uncomfortable moments when I called it out, and that is a bit hard at times. Avoiding those uncomfortable moments isn’t healthy in the long run. Having the courage to do this is important to your emotional health and the health of a partnership.
You’ll find that you make better choices with finding a mate when you develop this skill.
The Good Men Project is different from most media companies. We are a “participatory media company”—which means we don’t just have content you read and share and comment on but it means we have multiple ways you can actively be a part of the conversation. As you become a deeper part of the conversation—The Conversation No One Else is Having—you will learn all of the ways we support our Writers’ Community—community FB groups, weekly conference calls, classes in writing, editing platform building and How to Create Social Change.
Here are more ways to become a part of The Good Men Project community:
Request to join our private Facebook Group for Writers—it’s like our virtual newsroom where you connect with editors and other writers about issues and ideas.
Click here to become a Premium Member of The Good Men Project Community. Have access to these benefits:
- Get access to an exclusive “Members Only” Group on Facebook
- Join our Social Interest Groups—weekly calls about topics of interest in today’s world
- View the website with no ads
- Get free access to classes, workshops, and exclusive events
- Be invited to an exclusive weekly “Call with the Publisher” with other Premium Members
- Commenting badge.
Are you stuck on what to write? Sign up for our Writing Prompts emails, you’ll get ideas directly from our editors every Monday and Thursday. If you already have a final draft, then click below to send your post through our submission system.
If you are already working with an editor at GMP, please be sure to name that person. If you are not currently working with a GMP editor, one will be assigned to you.
Are you a first-time contributor to The Good Men Project? Submit here:
Have you contributed before and have a Submittable account? Use our Quick Submit link here:
Do you have previously published work that you would like to syndicate on The Good Men Project? Click here: