One of the coolest parts of a big boxing match or MMA fight is the showdown between the two fighters before the bell rings. Two guys who are looking to tear each other from limb to limb, usually for a large paycheck, stare each other down with the ring announcer sticking a mic in between them.
And the referee always gives his instructions. And it usually goes something like this:
“I’ve gone over the rules in the locker room. Protect yourself at all times. Follow my instructions. Fight clean, fight fair. Touch gloves and come out fighting.”
Every ref has their own spin on this, but it’s always the same context.
By my nature, I’m a fighter. I’ve had to fight for everything I’ve ever had. There have been times when I’ve even had to fight for my life.
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By my nature, I’m a fighter. I’ve had to fight for everything I’ve ever had. There have been times when I’ve even had to fight for my life.
Everything I have ever obtained in my life has been through a fight.
- I fought to get a solid education when nobody understood how to help me and my unique learning style.
- I fought through seeing almost every human being I have ever loved pass away, abandon me, or forget about me.
- I fought grief and mourning to publish my debut novel less than a year after losing my father.
- I fought some absurd breakdowns during my process of moving from Alabama to New York.
- I fought money breakdowns and wellbeing breakdowns during my coach training year.
- And I even had to fight for my life less than six months after losing my mother.
Y’all, I could list my fights for the next thousand words. It’ll be a bad article, and it’ll be unreadable.
Can I let y’all in on a little secret of life? This isn’t a little secret, but it’s an important one.
Come closer…
Closer…
When you’re gearing up for a fight, you’re usually only fighting yourself.
Let’s not get it twisted, I’m not talking about stepping into the ring with Mike Tyson in his prime here. I’m talking about putting up a fight when all someone wants to do is help you.
By fight, what am I talking about?
Let’s say it someone starts fighting you because you reflect to them how you’re able to do something big, but they don’t have any confidence that they can do this thing. So they lash out at you.
Full disclosure here, I’m speaking about MYSELF here. And honestly, I’m speaking of the last few months in my relationship with my coach.
“But Ryan, you can do anything.”
“Bullshit! I’m incapable of getting out of bed in the morning.”
“Why are you fighting me?”
This piece goes up on poor Lisa’s birthday. I hope this piece is at least a partial mea culpa.
I had a conversation this week with my friend Alex. I graduated my coach training program with Alex and we’ve become close friends over the past couple years.
This fight ain’t simply with Lisa. I yell at Alex on a pretty regular basis.
The latest example of this started this past weekend. Alex got engaged to a lovely woman this past weekend and I was at a surprise party to celebrate their engagement, and their birthdays (they’re both August babies.)
I remarked to Alex how much seeing his growth has inspired me in this particular area of my life After I shared this, he gave me a challenge… y’know, which I promptly began fighting him about.
There’s a woman in my life that I have developed an attraction for. And I have turned into a scared little boy about it.
She’s also a good friend. And my fear is that if I ask her, she’ll run. Especially since she’s been dropping hint after hint after hint that she may be interested in me.
God does this feel familiar! Shoutout to Potential…God I screwed up with her!
All Alex requested of me was that I call… this female human and ask her to an event I’ve got going on this weekend.
“Call her as soon as we get off the phone.”
“That’s not gonna happen.”
Don’t get it twisted, fight for what you want. But there’s no need to fight the truth.
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And this went back and forth for a solid half hour. And he was totally right. I just need to manifest some courage to call this woman.
Again, he was totally right. And as of this writing, I still haven’t asked her what I want to ask of her. And I’m running out of time.
In closing, I want to give out a few practices for you (and, y’know… me) to take on to drop the fight.
Don’t get it twisted, fight for what you want. But there’s no need to fight the truth.
- Be gentle with yourself: I can’t stress this enough. When you’re up to big things in the world, that pain in the ass voice that lives in your head will start yapping at you like a chihuahua on crystal meth. Be gentle with yourself. You’re doing great.
- Trust yourself: this is a crucial one. If you trust yourself that you’re indeed doing better than you may think, you’ll be fine.
- People are on your side: God, this one is so true for me. I forget that there are people on my side who want to see me win. Occasionally, I forget that the very people I’m “fighting” are the ones who are deepest in my corner. Again, poor Lisa has caught the brunt of so much of this lately. Alex too, but I digress.
Fight like hell for what you want from life. Dig in! Fight like a pack of rabid hyenas! Your life is worth it.
But there’s no need to fight yourself. C’mon man! Drop the gloves and let people in! Let people see you.
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A reminder that I’m accepting application for my group coaching program “Own your voice! Own your life!” The first session is at 7pm eastern time on Wednesday, September 12th. Get your spot now! Go to royalheartscoaching.com/voice to register.
- Or email me at [email protected] for information or any questions you may have.
Photo by Martin Kníže on Unsplash