Life is too short to be in a relationship where you are unhappy!
When I was younger, I just wanted to be in a relationship to be in a relationship. It didn’t matter if it was toxic.
Honestly, sometimes I feel like the toxic part somehow made it more fun in some kind of sick way. I have to say that back then I was just immature and had very low self-esteem.
Today, “ain’t nobody got time for that.” If the relationship isn’t happy and healthy, I don’t want no parts of it! That goes with romantic relationships and platonic ones.
If you aren’t in a happy and healthy relationship, have some respect for yourself. What I mean by that is: either work together to improve it or go your separate ways. It doesn’t do anyone any good to stay in an unhappy, toxic relationship. I mean, yes, you can learn from bad relationships, but at some point you have to put the lessons to good use.
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#1. Listen to each other!
Look, listening to one another will strengthen your relationship. It honestly is one of the greatest contributions or investments that you can make into your relationship. But listening is more then just hearing someone. It means giving your undivided attention.
Listening requires that you put your own agenda and needs aside for a minute. Only then can you truly show up for your partner and listen. If you are just hearing what they are saying and preparing to respond, that’s not really listening. It also requires that you don’t interrupt your partner when they are talking.
There is a bonus to listening as well. Sometimes when your partner is upset about something, whether its your fault or not, all they really need to get through it is someone to listen to them share it. Pain shared is pain lessened.
#2. Spend time together and apart.
Shared quality time is very important in a relationship. If you live together, you may think you already do this. But I don’t mean just being in the same house as one another. I mean really spending time together. Like where you literally plan to spend time together, free from all interruptions, including but not limited to kids, pets, your phone, work, etc.
Do an activity together. Go for a walk or ride bikes. Watch the stars. Try a new restauraunt. Do something besides sit in the house and watch TV. Because I promise you after a while that alone isn’t enough to keep the spark alive.
Photo by Everton Vila on Unsplash
However, it’s also important to spend time apart as well. You should plan this, too, if you have to. My girlfriend and I both work from home right now. So, we literally have to plan time apart. Why? Because honestly if we don’t, we might kill each other. It’s not because we don’t love each other. We absolutely do, but time apart is just as important as time together.
Missing your partner can remind you how important they are to you. Absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder.
#3. Be willing to agree to disagree.
Couples are not always going to agree on everything. Honestly, friends aren’t even going to agree on everything. If you agree with someone on everything, that actually sounds really boring and unhealthy.
The reality is, two people who are actually being their own individual, cannot spend years together without disagreeing on something. You have to be willing to compromise or work through things in any relationship.
At the end of the day, that crazy infatuation you have at the beginning of your relationship won’t last. But it can be replaced with a much deeper, richer and more fulfilling kind of love. It’s the kind of love that takes work. If you are willing to put the work in, you will be rewarded.
#4. Be honest with each other!
This one is critical. I really don’t need to write much for this one. Just be honest with one another. I mean about everything. It doesn’t matter how little you think it is.
Honesty is important in a relationship. Sometimes the truth can hurt, but it will only increase trust and strengthen the bond between you.
#5. BONUS tip for men: Do more around the house.
This is for the women too because ultimately it will help you!
You don’t want to know how many times my girlfriend tells me about a friend of hers complaining about their man not doing anything around the house. It’s the 21st century, housework is everyone’s job.
This is probably the tip on here that will help many relationships and marriages the most! It will make your girlfriend or wife appreciated if you help them around the house. Whether it is with laundry, cooking dinner, etc. Everyone should play a part in housework, kids too. Your home life plays a huge role in how healthy or happy your relationship is.
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Relationships take work and ruts happen. I am not saying give up on a relationship immediately if you are unhappy or things seem unhealthy. Sometimes moving on is the answer, but other times you both just need to work together to make the changes necessary to break free from the rut.
Just you should perform preventative maintenance on your car to avoid it breaking down or requiring costly repairs, the same applies to your relationship or marriage. Don’t wait until it is too late!
If you aren’t going to put in the effort to make him or her happy, someone else might come in and do just that. Do not get complacent in your relationship because it will eventually catch up to you. If you aren’t happy and don’t intend to put the work in, stop wasting each other’s time!
On a more positive note, if you love each other, all it takes is a little elbow grease to get back to a happy and more fulfilling place!
Thanks for reading!
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash