My last relationship ended on Thanksgiving, and to top it off , my brother had Covid-19.(He’s fine now). I felt trapped at home, because I literally was, and completely let down by someone just days ago I could see a future with. The same things that led to our holiday heartbreak led to the demise of most of my other past relationships: inability to see red flags, trying to find fulfillment within my partner without being fulfilled myself and my partners and I not being honest with each other about our wants and needs.
I’ve been single ever since and I’m not looking to get in a relationship anytime soon. I did have a brief time on dating apps in Winter 2021, but that just encouraged my pursuit of singledom after no less than 3 men ghosted me. To be fair, I’ve been guilty of ghosting before as well. If it’s hard for you to appreciate your singledom, here’s what makes me appreciate mine.
Alone Time
I love spending time alone. This is not common in society today; we are each expected to be seen out on the weekends or to have a certain amount of social interactions. We fear missing out on parties, weekend get togethers, or other engagements we think will fulfill us or make people like us. What happens when we work a full work-week, go to our friend’s birthday party and brunch with our coworkers and don’t leave anytime for ourselves?
I question if people know themselves well. The fact that it takes a significant amount of time on Earth to truly begin to know yourself and that humans are always changing should be enough to encourage alone time. I hate to push an anti-capitalist, anti-grind culture way of thinking here, but we need to rest.
The reality is, relationships take a lot of time and energy to build, and often end up not working out. Are you willing to sacrifice your Netflix dates with yourself or some Restorative Yoga classes to carve out time with a potential significant other?
Photo by Maria Lupan on Unsplash
I Know I’m A Catch
Put another way, I know my worth. Every person reading this should know they’re a catch, too. We are each unique souls on a path meant for us, and to walk alongside someone for some part of their life should be considered a privilege. I know what I bring to the table and I know that regardless of this, people will still put themselves first-it’s what we do, we’re humans. Am I going to continue to pursue partners that may not give me the devotion and attention I deserve? Hell, no.
You will know when someone wants to go out with you; they’ll make it clear that spending time with you is a priority. Early on in dating is not when you should be questioning if someone is really in it; either someone is trying to sell you on themselves or they just don’t care that much.
Humans are also good at saying one thing and acting in a very different way. For example : “I want a relationship,” is what the person says, while responding to your texts days later and cancelling your dates last minute because of a “work emergency”.
I trust that I will organically find someone that wants to put effort into dating me in the future-or maybe, I’ll have the energy for dating apps again in the future. Probably not. Either way, I’m not looking out of my window with a pair of binoculars or straining my eyes swiping right and left looking for my “better half”.
Being My Own Better Half
When people say they’ve found their better half, I respect the sentiment, and I am my own better half! I am my yin and yang, my sun and moon. Many people seek fulfillment in their friendships, their romantic relationships, work life, or anywhere that isn’t inside of themselves. I get it. I’ve done the same, and I still do from time to time. At the end of the day when I get in bed, I can rest easily even if I didn’t do anything of note that day.
Photo by Matt Nelson on Unsplash
I love myself, and I respect myself and that is enough. There are so many people I can share my life with that are not romantic partners, and one day I hope to share parts of my life with a romantic partner. Yet, I don’t feel like I’m missing anything when I’m enjoying life without a partner.
The Sound of Freedom
The idea that single people have more freedom has some nuance to it. If you just climbed Mt. Everest, but you want to share that moment with your romantic partner and they aren’t there, is that really freedom? There is great liberation and joy in being able to share life with someone else. While I don’t have that someone else right now, I’m going to relish star-fishing in the bed and eating the leftover pancakes in the morning and not having one more person to schedule my life around. I will never resent love for taking away my ability to watch whatever I want to watch on Netflix and instead having to compromise.
I’ve actively tried not to have a “the grass is greener on the other side” perspective. When I begin to think, this moment would be so nice to share with someone, I know I need to look inside myself to see where that is arising from. When I’ve been in relationships and thought, it would be so nice to travel out of the country instead of spending this break with my partner, I start to examine if I’m supposed to be in a relationship at the time. Usually, I am able to appreciate the positives of being single when I’m single, and the positives of being committed when I’m committed.
Key Takeaways
- Alone time and rest are so important(whether you are in a relationship or not).
- Know your worth, always!
- Your partner doesn’t have to be your better half; they can be another whole person you are happy with. It takes two complete, happy people to make a happy relationship.
There are benefits to being single and benefits to being in a relationship. Are you in the right headspace to appreciate them, where you are?
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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