Some people mope with a tub of ice cream and sappy romantic comedies. Others bury themselves in their work and hobbies. And others try to get out there again, meeting new people in hopes of finding a potential new partner (or a rebound).
However way they go about it, broken-hearted people will find ways to move on. Whether that method is effective or not is the question.
Bustle wanted to get to the bottom of this mystery by talking to experts in their new “Love, Factually” video entitled, “Can We Make Ourselves Get Over A Breakup Faster?” In addition to this video, Business Insider gathered the information into 5 effective tips to getting over your breakup faster.
1. Don’t internalize the rejection.
A survey conducted by researchers from Stanford University found that participants who internalize rejection find it more difficult to move on from a breakup. This is because they see the rejection as a reflection of themselves as unlovable.
In order to recover from a breakup faster, you need to stop seeing their rejection as a something that makes you unworthy of love. Instead, see it as an opportunity to grow as a person.
2. Allow yourself to change.
The Stanford researchers found that participants with a “fixed mindset” — those who believe that personalities can’t change — are prone to continue thinking about their exes as opposed to those who believe that they can change.
3. Reinvent yourself.
Some neuroscientists believe that personalities are biological, and therefore fixed, which makes changing your personality difficult. In the Bustle video, neuroscientist Laura Brown suggests reinventing yourself instead of changing yourself completely.
4. Cherish your ex as a part of your life story.
When we’re with someone, the part of our brain responsible for autobiographical memory allows that person a part of who we are, our “autobiography.” This is why during a breakup when we lose them, we feel like we’re losing a part of ourselves.
No matter how awful your past was with your ex, they were a part of you and shaped who you are as a person. If it was a good relationship that made you into a better person, cherish that. If it was a toxic relationship, use that to shape yourself into a better and stronger individual.
5. Create new memories.
As mentioned before, the autobiographical memory part of our brain allows us to make the person we are with a part of who we are. So, one of the best ways to get over a breakup is to create new and happier memories without your ex. Whether those memories are with a new person, family, friends, or just by yourself, the new memories will overpower the old ones, and soon, you’ll start to heal.
Breakups are not easy, no matter how good or bad the relationship was. But if you’re willing to, you can most definitely start moving on.