One of my mentors, Mr. Les Brown, says when he was not financially stable, he had a very hard, time attracting young ladies. He also said once he started making money, women always managed to find something attractive about him from the way he walked to the shape of his ears. Money, he shared, made him an overnight attraction.
I was recently in the presence of three young ladies, all of whom I consider to be very attractive. Somehow the conversation turned to dating and men as it usually does when women are the majority or at least that’s what I notice with the women I am around.
Two of the young ladies were complaining about the fact that they were tired of getting so much attention from men, and I reminded them that there are women that would be glad to have their problems. Instead of looking at it as a curse, they should see it as a blessing. They did not agree—to them it was irritating.
One young lady said the worst part was getting attention from men who were out of her league. Out of your league? I asked. What does that mean? How does a person know if they’re out of your league and shouldn’t approach you? What makes someone out of your league? I had so many questions.
Is it their looks? Is it their financial status? The car that they drive? Their family background? Their level of ambition? College degrees, What?
She said that guys are supposed to know when a woman is out of their league.
We have all seen the couple walking down the street holding hands and you think to yourself, how did they end up together? Not always but usually, this is being said about the male counterpart walking with what society considers to be the trophy wife or girlfriend.
A recent study by personality and psychology bulletin supports the young lady’s argument. She claimed because she was very attractive that men who were not as equally attractive should know not to approach her because they were out of her league.
The study stated that the matching hypothesis predicts that individuals on the dating market will assess their own self-worth and select partners whose social desirability approximately equals their own. It also showed that matching was based on self-worth, physical attractiveness, and popularity.
In the case of the man walking down the street with the trophy wife or girlfriend, the study shows that people with high self-confidence regardless of how they looked, would step outside of their comfort zone and approached partners who they would have otherwise not have approached for fear of rejection.
In the case of my mentor Mr. Les Brown, maybe it’s not that women found him attractive because he started making money. It could be that his self-confidence grew once he started to make more money, and therefore he felt more confident approaching certain women who he would have considered to have been out of his league when he did not have much money.
In the case of the guy walking down the street we ask, how did he end up with her? Maybe he is just very confident in who he is, and yes, he might have been rejected a time or two but he was not deterred because he never lost his self-confidence or his self-worth.
The question remains. How do you know if she is out of your league? Based on the study and what I have witnessed in my own life, whether you think she is out of your league or whether you think she is not out of your league, either way, you are right, because it is your thinking that makes it so.
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