We all say that we want an amazing, loving, hot, passionate, deep, authentic, intimate, romantic, movie-like, f**king awesome relationship.
Unfortunately it’s rare, but the good news is …
It DOES exist.
I know what it’s like and I have a lot of friends that do too; it’s truly to DIE for; there’s nothing like “Conscious Love” between a man and a woman on this earth.
One reason that it’s so rare is that there’s too much finger pointing and blame going on. We’re holding on to old stories and not doing enough being present, and “owning” our parts and roles in the way things are vs the way they could be.
I still hear the shouts from the trenches, “it’s THEIR fault!”
The finger pointing is made up of ridiculous, romance-killing beliefs like the ones below that also can end up being a self-fulfilling prophecy if you’re not careful, (law of attraction anybody?)
Ridiculous Stereotypes About Men
All men are macho, insensitive, self-centered idiots.
We’re only out for one thing.
We’re not loyal.
The good ones are taken.
We don’t listen or know how to communicate.
We don’t know how to love a woman the way she wants and deserves to be loved.
Ridiculous Stereotypes About Women
Women just want a man for their money.
Once they get you, the passion and sex stops.
Women whine too much and love to stir up drama.
They don’t want us to be with our guy friends or have any fun.
The good ones are just out of our league.
They want to control us.
What a crock of crap!
While there may be some unawakened male and female dinosaurs still roaming the grounds, it doesn’t have to be the norm or our future, there is hope.
There’s a whole different breed of men and women in the world and we have a lot to share. It’s time to stop the finger pointing madness and start being the person that you want so you can BE in the Epic Relationship that you dream of.
Remember, it takes TWO to Tango.
If you’re into drama, have a closed heart, and live in primitive behavior, you won’t see the man or woman of your dreams coming around anytime soon.
I thought I was somebody, but in reality, I was in hiding.
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When I was unconscious, I was wearing my mask proudly, pretending to be “all macho,” confident, and playing by the “be a real man” old school rules, afraid to show the real me—hell I don’t even think I knew the real me for years because it was buried so deep.
I made my first million dollars at 28, drove a Porsche, had the Penthouse and the “successful life.”
I thought I was somebody, but in reality, I was in hiding.
I was too scared to show or BE my real authentic, loving self, with my heart, soul, and imperfections fully exposed for the world and my woman to see, so I hid behind my “so called” success.
I was too afraid to let anyone in or to see the real ME because I didn’t feel good enough or capable of being loved EVEN with all the outer appearances of success.
I didn’t know it at the time, but I CRAVED to love and be loved.
We’ve all just been too afraid to our show ourselves; it’s part of the human condition.
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I was raised in an old school environment of not showing your feelings or talking about your stuff, this still seems to permeate so much of our society, but it does NOT have to be our reality for one more minute.
What I Know To Be True
Women are powerful, intuitive, beautiful, gorgeous, courageous, big hearted, loving, and creative Beings. They give the world much needed light and heart.
Men are powerful, strong, purpose driven, loving, vulnerable, and sensitive Beings. We bring love and purpose through our hard earned courage.
We’ve all just been too afraid to our show ourselves; it’s part of the human condition.
It’s OK to feel afraid but we have to learn to stop being run by fear.
When fear wins, we lose everything that we really want in our hearts.
Bold love without fear of rejection or judgment and without attachment, will ROCK this blue ball flying through the sky like we’ve never experienced before.
We forget that we’re these big, beautiful, fearless, Infinite Beings who strapped on Human Suits to come play the human game and go on this wild ride. (Yeah I know.)
We just forgot who we are and our connection to each other.
We’re created from LOVE, and from the same power that created the Universe, it’s inside us, which means that we ARE love.
I still hear from a lot of old school men (and women), who are cynical about this supposed new way of being, thinking it’s somewhere out there in fairy land.
They either think that it doesn’t exist or that it automatically puts you in the friend zone.
That is complete and total bullsh*t, and an outdated way of thinking.
There is NOTHING more sexy than a conscious man and a conscious woman showing up fully present in their true energy and power with their hearts wide open, filled with love, compassion, kindness, empathy, and caring deeply about each other.
Being conscious, loving, and vulnerable, while still being in your powerful masculine or gorgeous, radiant, feminine energy is one of the sexiest, most attractive things EVER, and guaranteed to set AND keep the attraction and PASSION ON FIRE for years to come.
And when things do get off track, we don’t start a war, yelling, screaming, slamming doors, calling names, closing our hearts, and running away, no, we create a safe place to listen, talk, clear the sh*t, claim the truth, and stand back in LOVE.
What We Each Have To DO To Attract The Person We REALLY want
Here’s the tough news that most people don’t want to hear…
YOU have to DO the inner work.
You’ve got to dig deep, look into your shadows, and sift through the crap that you probably don’t want to look at, deal with, or let go of.
But if you don’t do it, you’re going to keep living the same exact way, hanging out in your painful story and thinking that these types of amazing, deeply loving relationships don’t exist, it’s just a way for the ego to protect us.
The healing begins in YOUR own heart; you have to trust that the gems will surface.
Transformation takes place when you shine a light on the shadows and the BS stories you’ve been telling yourself and say…
“Talk to me, what have you been trying to protect me from? What can you teach me? How can I learn the lesson and move on so I can live from my heart undefended and create the life I dream of?”
Most people want what they want without having to do the work, and wonder why they keep attracting the same types of unfulfilling and sucky people, situations, and relationships over and over.
You will not manifest who and what you want in an epic, hot, loving, romantic relationship, unless you know your own truth and drop the unconscious lies, (without blaming yourself or anyone else.)
You must be willing to get raw, real, vulnerable, and take a risk on real, authentic love or it’s not happening.
This Is Not A Fairy Tale, It’s The Truth
For anyone still thinking that all this love stuff is fluff, for sissies, or weak people, think again, do NOT under estimate love, compassion, and kindness. You have to be a BOLD courageous, strong, badass to live and hold this kind of energy.
It’s easy to be a coward or a jerk, but to lead with LOVE, that takes true power and strength.
Yes, none of us want to be hurt or rejected, we don’t want any more drama, pain or suffering, but if we’re not willing to risk and change the way we show up and to open our hearts fully, then we’ll never get to experience what we really want.
And that’s just sad.
It’s scary to be so exposed, but it’s always been the best bold CHOICE.
How do you want to live your life?
Are you willing to go inside and uncover what’s stopping you from doing it?
What kind of man or woman do you want to be with?
Are you ready to show up energetically and consciously in a whole new way for them and for yourself?
Only we decide what our real truth is, and what our hearts want, and to give ourselves permission to finally have it.
And to all the cynics, haters, naysayers, and non believers of true happiness and love…
I used to have bouts of sarcasm and cynicism too, and it’s THAT exact energy that keeps people stuck IN what they actually want to escape FROM.
I know because I was stuck in it too, for a long time, it’s fear disguising itself with its built in protection mechanism trying to keep us from getting hurt.
Stand spiritually naked and free in your own heart without caring what other people think.
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It’s what holds us back from experiencing true happiness. It’s really just a cry for help, a cry for love, and comes from a place of pain, disappointment, and disillusionment.
It’s totally understandable, and maybe it’s time to let it go.
Love Or Fear, We Get To Choose.
Fear makes us feel stuck, disconnected, angry, depressed, sick, and alone.
Love feels expansive, healing, and makes you come alive. It will change EVERYTHING around you, in you, and in your life.
So how do you want to feel?
How do you want to your Soulmate to feel?
Do you want to be a light in their life, or a pain in their ass that pushes them away?
Our Truth
Conscious couples come together as individual souls, each on our own journey, and we’re here to grow, evolve, and ascend individually and together.
We live for truth and will NOT play in drama or give our attention to old school, primitive, disrespectful behaviors, we won’t tolerate it.
We listen, feel, and open our hearts to compassion.
We commit to fully see and hear the other person.
We live consciously from the energy of LOVE, and understand that leading with love, even when it’s the hardest and most painful, is THE road less traveled that WILL take us to the highest ground.
It’s Time To Decide
What kind of person do you want to be?
What kind of relationship do you want to be in?
How do you want to SHOW UP in your life, in the world, and for your loved ones?
You can stay in the trenches of mediocrity, playing small, whining, pointing fingers, and being cynical, which is a death sentence for the Soul.
Or you can CHOOSE…
To take OFF your mask.
Embrace your TRUE self.
Stand spiritually naked and free in your own heart without caring what other people think.
To STEP UP and LOVE like you’ve never loved before.
To experience a life and relationship that brings you so much joy and love, that you will be ecstatic and FEELING ALIVE, (most of the time), and stand out in a world of desperation and the status quo.
To know that you’re not perfect, that you will make mistakes, and that it’s OK…
Because your intention is PURE.
This Is Your Calling
To RISE UP and make a choice…
To SHINE your LIGHT so f**king bright that it’s spreads like a wildfire.
To love so fiercely that it will change the world and all those around you in an instant.
To speak the truth when most people won’t.
To show up for yourself and stand in your true power as BOLD LOVE in action and watch everyone around you say “holy sh*t, I want some of that!”
We are the Conscious Men and Women that we’ve been waiting for.
We are the one’s that can and will change the world.
We are the one’s who know that showing up with our hearts wide open, overflowing with love is badass, sexy, and life changing Divine Power in motion.
It’s time for US to show the world what’s really POSSIBLE.
To know what it’s like to hear these words on a regular basis…
I Believe in You.
I Love you.
I SEE You.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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brilliant article, very helpful thx
I did the inner work, it said don’t play with snakes and scorpions. No matter how much trust you put in them, they are still venomous and can strike at any vulnerability you ever show.
As I read this, two famous Athenian playwrights came to mind…Sophocles and Euripides. “What kind of person do you want to be?” This is where is has to start. You see, the problem with Americans is that we have become rudderless. We no longer have any deeply held beliefs about anything. We no longer possess a sense of self. In essence, we have no idea of just who the hell we are as individuals. So, we approach life in a mechanical fashion with only visual things as our primary sensors. So, that’s why consumerism and materialism have become the order… Read more »
Awesome article Scott! And awesome post Jules! Weirdly enough, I just read that Malcolm X quote from Pinterest just today. You actually helped me understand it even more. Thank you.
Thanks Erin.
I did like the spirit of his piece. But I think these sort of pieces are just another variation of other self-help stuff that lack endurance. Values endure.
Hi Jules, thanks for taking the time to read and comment, I appreciate it and you very much! Just so you know, you and I are very much on the same page. My life and my work are extremely focused on and driven by values and purpose, they are what drive me. I say the same things you mentioned a lot as well. One of the things I talk about in most in my work and my life is that if you don’t have a sense of purpose, know who you are, what’s driving your soul, what your heart wants,… Read more »
I think his piece was deeper than you are giving it credit for. And it is pieces like these that have made me a more emotionally intelligent person which has directly affected my own values and have made me a healthier person. There is no shame in self help anyway. Not that I would describe this piece as being *just* that. I do find men in general more resistant to self help though, more critical of it. I’m surprised you are actually Jules.
Thanks for seeing the depth in this post Erin, I appreciate you…it has taken a lot of inner work to get here and to live here. Yep, most people are afraid to look that deep, but those that do it does really change our lives if you allow it to. 🙂
Thanks Erin, I appreciate you taking the time to read it and that it spoke to you!
Spent the last, (I dunno, how long has the internet been live), 20 years on either my own message boards or others trying to teach young men and women exactly that.
In fact, believe it or not, I initiated one of the first ever internet men’s issues and relationship boards way back when AOL was new. I’ve spoken to thousands upon thousands.
I’d like to think that’s made a difference, that my mantra has had impact, “Find your best friend, marry them”.
Thanks DJ, that’s awesome that you started in that space so early.
I appreciate you reading the article, and taking the time to comment too.
I agree with you, being with your best friend is where the foundation is set!
DJ, mind if I ask what message board that was? I’m an old AOLite, I may have been on that one.