in an elevator
with George Clooney
and Sandra Bullock
One will become
your best friend.
The other will
After countless hours trapped alone in an elevator with the Oscar-winning stars of Gravity, you have no idea if you’re ever going to be rescued. During this traumatic time, a lifelong bond is formed and an epic rivalry begins. How does this play out? Which one becomes your BFF? Which one takes on the role of your eternal nemesis? And why?
While I know in our case, the three of us will take the full story of what happened in that elevator to our graves, I suppose I can briefly describe a few key moments.
–I hold a weeping Clooney as he explains to us that he’s never remarried because he’s still in love with Cloris Leachman following the brief affair they had on the set of The Facts of Life.
–Sandy and I bond over our mutual incredulity regarding the critical response to Forces of Nature.
–Clooney insists on taking off all of his clothes after he becomes convinced they are covered in “elevator cooties”.
–Sandy and I try to ease our anxiety by singing all of our favourite songs from Grease 2.
–Clooney attacks Sandy when he misinterprets her rendition of “Cool Rider” as a sign she’s planning to asphyxiate him with motorcycle exhaust fumes.
–I hold him back, but as Sandy retreats we see something fall out of her pocket. I grab it and see that it’s a handwritten list and on it is everything that has happened thus far.
–Sandy denies writing it. She insists Clooney planted it on her when he attacked. It seems unlikely, but I want to believe her because I liked her so much in While You Were Sleeping.
–The emergency phone finally starts to ring. Samuel L. Jackson is on the other end. He tells me that the authorities have found advanced elevator-disabling plans in Bullock’s apartment.
–George and I confront her. She confesses that this was all an elaborate ruse to get us together in this situation. Then she starts to itch, her clothing overcome with elevator cooties.
–The doors finally open. Bullock is taken away, swearing that this isn’t over–that she will trap us in an elevator again.
–George puts his clothes back on and we go out for drinks. After the third round we start mapping out the plot for Ocean’s 14.
At least that’s how I think it would play out in my case. How do you think you would fare if you were trapped in an elevator with these two world famous celebrities?