What childhood dreams
are you glad never
We all had weird dreams as kids, but in retrospect it’s definitely for the best that our childish fantasies never came true. I say this because my dominant dream from my youth was pretty frickin’ dark and involved all of you no longer existing.
I was a solitary kid. Frequently bullied, I learned to prefer my own company. Movies were my passion and video stores were my church. But I lacked the resources to rent movies as much as I wanted and I was too bashful to rent the movies I REALLY wanted to see (namely the ones whose covers promised the presence of naked people). This is explains why I frequently went to bed at night imagining a world where everyone in Edmonton had disappeared Night of the Comet/The Omega Man/I Am Legend/That Burgess Meredith Episode of The Twilight Zone style and I had the whole city and–most importantly–ALL OF THE VIDEO STORES to myself. I could watch whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted–including School Spirit, whose video cover featured a ghostly frat asshole helping a co-ed out of her towel in the ladies locker room.
I knew that electricity would probably be an issue, but I had some dim idea that involved “generators” even though I only barely knew what they were and had no idea how they actually operate. I didn’t like canned food, so I figured I’d take over a large restaurant and freeze as much food as I could to keep it from going bad. I also loved the idea of having the entire city’s supply of Coca-Cola to myself–since it by that point had come to be something of an addiction. I worried that it would eventually grow flat and hoped that freezing it might be a solution as well.
Fast forward to today and I am not the last person on Earth–for which I suspect you are grateful–but I do live in an era where it is exponentially easier to see people naked, which I think is even better than what I dreamed. Also, I still have no idea how to operate a generator and when I eventually saw School Spirit over 20 years later, I found out it REALLY sucked.