Let’s face it, people are different. They’ll do things you won’t agree with, hold certain beliefs that will be the complete opposite to what you believe, and they’ll act in ways that, at times, might seem deliberately hurtful, disrespectful, or just plain nuts. People are people, which means they have limitations, and sometimes we all scratch our heads over their decisions, actions, or attitudes. By the way, this includes your family members, your kids, spouse, and even yourself on occasion.
Whenever I’m faced with a difficult person, or when someone is acting in a way I don’t approve of, I always remember the Native American proverb that says, “Never judge another man until you’ve walked a mile in his moccasins.” What this reminds me of is that I have no idea of the challenges this person has had to deal with in their life. I have no idea of their upbringing, or the prejudice they may have been taught or experienced as a child. I know nothing of their education—or lack of education—nor of the life pressures they may be under. Who knows, given what they’ve had to overcome, I could be much worse if I were dealt the same circumstances. They may be doing remarkably well, all things considered.
Once I think about these things, really take them in, and weigh them against what I don’t know about someone, I begin to move past my own judgment. And this allows me to start identifying. It doesn’t take much self-searching to realize there have been times when I’ve acted in a similar way to what I may be objecting to right now. Certainly, if I don’t agree with a person’s opinion, that means I feel just as strongly about an opposite point of view, and to that person, I may be considered just as wrong as I think they are. Same thing with actions I may find rude or insensitive. For example, whenever I see someone throw a cigarette out of a car window, my first reaction is to judge, “Oh, how disrespectful that is!” Then I remind myself that when I was smoking many years ago, I undoubtedly did the same thing and never gave it a second thought.
Once I start looking for ways to identify with someone, or make an attempt to understand the circumstances that shaped them, I begin looking for the similarities between us. We all have a need for security and health, and we all carry love in our hearts for our families and look after them the best we know how. Most people pursue a spiritual or religious path and have the same questions I do about our purpose and the meaning of life. As I look for what’s the same in others, it makes it easier to get to know them, to engage with them, and to even learn from them. This willingness to identify is the beginning of true compassion.
As I get to the place of acceptance of another person, state, or even country, I begin searching for the connection between us, and I see the truth in our common experience: while we may all wear different moccasins, we’re all walking a similar path called life. And in this life, the journey is much easier for us all if we strive to identify and concentrate on how we’re the same rather than how we’re different.
This excerpt is from Michael Zajaczkowski’s new book, “The Owner’s Manual to Life: Simple Strategies to Worry Less and Enjoy Life More.” Reprinted with permission from Health Communications, Inc.
The Owner’s Manual to Life
Simple Strategies to Worry Less and Enjoy Life
Michael Zajaczkowski earned his master’s degree in marriage and family counseling from Antioch University, Los Angeles. After working with both couples and individuals, he resumed his career as a business and sales training coach. He currently runs an international business and inside sales training company and uses his experience from counseling and coaching to help his clients set and achieve financial goals while helping them identify and engage in activities that give their lives meaning alongside of their career success. In addition to his books on inside sales techniques and scripting, his first novel, The Angel, Six Secrets for Making Your Dreams Come True, is due out in 2023. He and his wife are avid pickleball players, and they live and play in and around Raleigh, North Carolina. To see his other titles, visit: www.MichaelZbooks.com.
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