Why We as Women Need to Ease Up On Men.

ease-up-on-men-photo-by-jim-campell 

This isn’t about the men that hurt on purpose, men that rape, or men that abandon their families. This is about the average Joe, the guy that loved his mama, tries his best and is still mystified by those of us that are female.

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I hear women question openly: What’s wrong with men? Why can’t they shoot straight? Why can’t they communicate?

We complain that men are shut down in one breath, and complain they’re too emotional in the next. The truth is, our men are striving for a balance in a world where the rules of masculinity keep changing.

I live in Boulder, Colorado, where a man is as likely to have a yoga mat in the back of his truck as his mountain bike. While yoga may open their hips and allow their minds to clear, there are still many guarded and wounded hearts in those classes. Both men and women have been wounded deeply. Men still struggle to make sense of women, while women experience men as closed off and shut down. The reality is, a man’s heart is as vulnerable as a woman’s, but the rules for men are laid out differently from the very beginning.

Here’s a great example of the difference:

While walking my dog, I met a boy in his young teens on a skateboard. His eyes were clear as they met mine and we engaged in a friendly chat. He was open and unguarded until my dog approached, then sharing with me that he once had a dog that looked like mine and was forced to give her away. In that moment, his face clouded, his eyes dimmed and the pain he carried was noticeable. His body language changed and his friendliness ceased.

My mouth hung open as he walked away without saying goodbye, and I realized I had just witnessed a clue as to why many men seem shut down.

Like many women, men are wounded early. The difference? Men are often forced to “buck up” and stuff their emotions rather than express them. Think about it: peers usually ostracize a crying boy over the age of 7.

Often juggling his ever-changing role with mom, he naturally starts to bond with dad and old rules such as “buck up, boys don’t cry and get over it” from prior generations are passed on once again. As years go by, a young boy’s heart becomes more and more protected with each new wound, no real outlet for emotions available. On the other hand, a great many women, regardless of their dysfunctional childhood, grow up and find comfort through female friendships—it’s considered normal to cry and vent, express emotion, and fall apart if necessary.

Men aren’t naturally encouraged to release their pain and express hurt, so to survive, they add armor to their hearts and stand guarded against further pain.

While we find comfort in our female friendships, many men say their only source of physical comfort is sex. I often wonder: Do men reach across the bed for sex when sometimes they’re just seeking solace?

The women I know all agree that witnessing an empowered man opening his heart, despite his wounding, and putting it all out there in a vulnerable way–is sexy. Sexy, but not easy. Most men have been shamed in the past for asking for what they want. They’ve been shamed for wanting sex, shamed for feeling attraction and shamed for their vulnerability. It’s an uneasy playing field out there, actually a mine field when you think about it.

Take a woman previously wounded by an aggressive man and have her approached by a man openly asking for what he wants and she may run. Makes you realize that the next woman he approaches may experience him as a man that dances around what he really wants–now afraid to ask openly. What a conundrum eh? Women are wounded and afraid to trust. Men are wounded and afraid to open.

So what can we do?

  • We, as women, can be patient when men talk with us, give them time and space to express themselves and understand that they don’t communicate like our female friends.
  • Bantering with girlfriends and talking over one another is common behavior when we gather together, but a man’s sharing is a different process. Men don’t jump from subject to subject. It’s not that they don’t want to share with us, it’s that often when they try to, we jump in and interrupt the flow.
  • We can count to 10 in our heads when they stop talking and give them a chance to speak again because 9 out of 10 times, they will.
  • We can have patience.
  • We can understand that a closed down reaction during a fight is most likely embarrassment and pain as our men realize they’ve disappointed us. We can take a step back and not take the lack of immediate communication as anger and instead, take a time out.
  • Most importantly we can remember that our man is not going to be like our female friends. Changing men is not the goal. Even if we successfully changed them, chances are we wouldn’t be attracted to them anymore.

By learning to decipher what appears to be shut down and angry behavior as deep wounding, we can find the patience needed to speak a different language with the men we love. Treating our men as we do our female friends is like walking into a French pastry shop, ordering something in Cantonese, and getting angry when we’re not understood. It requires a different language to show our love.

——

You might also like Why Men Need to Give Women a Break Too by Tamara Star

and  Man Up Woman Up Why Don’t We All Just Stand Up by Tamara Star

Originally posted on Daily Transformations

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About Tamara Star

Tamara Star believes happiness is not an end destination, but instead the ability to see the ordinary through eyes of wonder. She’s an international best selling author, life coach, and the creator of the original “40-day Personal reboot program for women” –a 6 week virtual deep dive into clearing the slate on what’s blocking you from living a life you love. Her first book, a quick and easy read: “How to Survive a Break Up and Come out Thriving,” is available on Amazon. Her co-authored book “Sexy Secrets to a Juicy Love Life” sits on the International Best Sellers List. You can find more information on dailytransformations.com and follow her on FB orTwitter.
Receive Tamara’s 11 ways to instantly regain your balance now right here.

Comments

  1. Christy Forrester says:

    I think the gist of the article is an important message about communicating across gender cultural differences. I think the article does a great job rounding out possible experiences/feelings/actions men have. It definitely tries to make clear which men are being discussed, but I think the main weakness is the over generalizations of women. There seems to be assumptions that all women are chatty and that they prob wouldn’t want a man who steps outside of gender norms. In my experience these assumptions don’t stand up… But this is an opinion piece, which while not backed up with much data, does get a worthwhile conversation started about culture of gender norms. While I like most of the ideas for awareness and communication, I don’t love the title, because it has one woman speaking for all woman and furthers the stereotype of the “nagging woman”. I do think it’s good to understand where people are coming from though, and gender role compliance won’t go away over night, it would be nice to see a world where men were encourage to display and communicate a healthy and fuller spectrum of emotions.

    This article only focuses on what she thinks women should do. I wonder what men can do?
    This is the other issue with the way this article was written. I see the value in recognizing the real lived cultural realities of people in differing gender roles, but it doesn’t sit well with me that the behavior change is all on the “women” in this piece… and that women are to accommodate men. Maybe if she had written it differently just saying that we need to understand the struggles with communicating across gender roles. Maybe that was her intent, but the result was that the women are the problem area that needs to adjust behaviors. I feel that many women have already done a lot of work and fighting to shift the culture of gender roles and suffered a great deal of backlash and struggle. So I guess I am saying if men choose to empower themselves to change the definition of masculinity in order to be the version of themselves they would like to be… that they must expect some backlash. It takes courage to fight the system. There are many women in history and many women now who have fought, met violence, imprisonment, and even death seeking change in gender roles.

    I have read a great a bit of Foucault and literature on gender role development and maintenance. Foucault describes the “Panopticon” which is a prison where the prisoners are being policed and watched at all times, but the prisoners can’t always see them. In this theory he Foucault feels it gets to the point that the prisoners police themselves even in the absence of the dominant forces watching them.

    I feel this is what happens with gender role construction. We are policed and then we eventually police ourselves. When a young kid steps out side of the behavior for their gender, there are repercussions, and there is punishment. We have all surely experienced that kind of bullying or behavior modification to keep us in line with our gender. After a while, we just police ourselves.

    So the next thought and question I usually have is, “Who benefits? or What function benefits from this system?” I would say many things do. The system of patriarchy and male power can benefit from the way gender roles are preferred to stay. I would say heteronormativity and gender role compliance have been seen as a benefit to the capitalistic agenda as the union of man and wife and role division are intended to produce more capable human workers… but I could go on too many tangents in this line of thought and I’d like to stay focused on the gender behaviors.

    I agree that men suffer so much under the roles they are ascribed by the gender police. I would so like to see it change, because we all suffer. I think the resistance we see in the change is “a complicated bear”. It is scary for many men and women to change and resist. Men may want to be more emotional, but there is that fear in place of the looming gender police and punishment. I would wager part of it is also the fear of losing power that is conflated with male gender behavior expectations. Personally as a woman, and a feminist (which I define as someone who questions power structures and believes in equality), I would love to see men live fuller and healthier emotional lives and not meet punishment for change, but when one resists, there is always struggle.

    I also believe in the struggle is for empowerment for all to live as their full selves and to have fair opportunity and be valued equally. However, I think the nature of this long standing imagined dichotomy and the gender police… send the message to men that “women” or “others” don’t want to be equal, they want to be more powerful…. Which I don’t think is the case. To me this is the difference between empowerment and abuse of power. I don’t like abuse of power as in getting more benefits, being able to be violent and unpunished, and having more value, resources, and opportunity. But I love the idea of empowerment to be your most amazing self and to have equal value.

    This article only focuses on what she thinks women should do. I wonder what men can do?
    I would also say that the more I think about it… I see another issue with the way this article was written. I see the value in recognizing the real lived cultural realities of people in differing gender roles, but it doesn’t sit well with me that the behavior change is all on the “women” in this piece… and that women are to accommodate men. Maybe if she had written it differently just saying that we need to understand the struggles with communicating across gender roles. Maybe that was her intent, but the result was that the women are the problem area that needs to adjust behaviors. I feel that many women have already done a lot of work and fighting to shift the culture of gender roles and suffered a great deal of backlash and struggle. So I guess I am saying if men choose to empower themselves to change the definition of masculinity in order to be the version of themselves they would like to be… that they must expect some backlash. It takes courage to fight the system. There are many women in history and many women now who have fought, met violence, imprisonment, and even death seeking change in gender roles.

    I guess I am saying that it is system we are up against… and that it would be great to see men and women join in the struggle to see change. It would be AWESOME to see men and women against the status quo!!! I suppose I don’t see men as being left out or misunderstood, but I see them as not having had to be a part of the change efforts for some time. I kind of don’t feel too bad for them for being misunderstood… welcome to the party… this is what happens when your privilege to be unaware of your complicity gets challenged. Maybe the left out feeling, if we are verbalizing that feeling properly, is because part of the structure of this unequal system has privileged men to not have to look at these issues. But now as things slowly change maybe “men” feel that they are not sure who or how to be… or what is wanted from them now. A shift away from doing our gender they way we have been instructed to and every minute and from every angle in our lives… can cause a real existential crisis. A feeling of “Who am I, if I am not doing all the things I was taught and not thinking the way I used to?” a sense of “Who am I without these guidelines and expectations?” I know that feeling very well personally. I have had my world turned on its head when I saw how complicit I was/am in the system. I often felt and feel… how do I get a sense that “I am doing the right thing” without validation from some outside source? Scary shit! I grapple and flail for sure. But personally I want to “be the change I wish to see in the world” (Thanks, Ghandi ;-) Even though my ways of resistance isn’t as big as someone like him.

    Anyway, I know that I welcome men who want to seek change. I cant speak for all women, but I can say that I love seeing men get to be fully themselves… and seeking equality… and showing emotion… And they don’t have to flex their muscles, or make a ton of money, or save the princess to make up for it. I just love seeing them be real and human and I think vulnerability takes such strength. Also I think we are caught in thinking that if we adopt behaviors from the other side of the gender binary that we must trade in one from our own… like I will choose emotionality and lose reason… or from a woman’s side I will choose physical strength and lose beauty ideals. It’s the system, the gender police, and the dichotomy that make us think we must give up one for another… when really…. Why can’t we have them all? We do actually have them all, but what is stopping us from embracing certain qualities.

    I get that it is confusing for men Totally. But I would say men should just be the kind of men you want to be and I can guarantee some women will resist because they are caught up in the internalized oppression of gender police too. But other people, who are as progressive, courageous, strong, and intelligent will treasure men like that.

    • Anonymous says:

      How ca your comment by longer than the article itself? Wow.

    • Thanks for your points. I agree–there’s some build-in insult to this piece. Sort of that “Men are from Mars” nonsense. The burden of effort is on the woman, yet again. She must search out ways to understand her man’s cave while its naturally assumed she’s naturally communicative and in perfect touch with her feelings.

    • Mr Supertypo says:

      ok somehow I have been identified as a spammer by the system, but how? I dont post any links. The system is not working, the GMP mods need to fix this.

      Ok the bugged spam system has eaten my comment. but Christy gender norms are a team game, its possible that you dont see it, but it is, and you shouldn be quick to dismiss mens experiences just because it doesent fit what feel or experience.

      ” but I think the main weakness is the over generalizations of women. There seems to be assumptions that all women are chatty and that they prob wouldn’t want a man who steps outside of gender norms. In my experience these assumptions don’t stand up ”

      I agree, same thing goes for over generalization against men, most of articles written by feminist on men doesent fit either, to many generalizations and to much bias. The reality is complex. The great mistake feminist movement made was to not include men from start. This was a big mistake a mistake feminism is still struggling. Because frankly there wasnt any reason not to men are just victims as you are. And trust me most if not all would love to lose all these obsolete gender norms.

      Well you comment is problematic on several point witch need to be adressed. But im out of time, so it most be a chat for another day.

      • tashina strongbow says:

        your right women should have included men from the start, it is true, and we need to be supportive of the good guys, but a lot of women and men are not so good, and we need clear definitions of good and bad, so people who are crappy aren`t put in with the rest of us. I wish a lot more men were good, but just look at Mitt Romney the racist Mormon, Pat Robertson, who claims all women are here to give men sex when and how they want it, yeah, they have a sex panel on how women should act once a week, I am all for frequent sex, but not how they want it, oi!! talk about sexist, holy smokes!! but yeah, women should identify the good ones and be grateful, loving, supportive, and as positive as we can be, without hurting ourselves in the process, peace out.

    • Hi Christy Forrester,

      I love your reply, I believe myself to be a caring, honest, and supportive man but I find myself going through this part of my life you talk about where I’m not sure who or what a man should be in this modern world. I find myself giving everything I am to my romantic partners and getting used up and thrown out when their emotional needs are satisfied, yet all my female friends tell me they wish happiness for me because I’m an amazing guy and I deserve to be treated well.
      How can i be so amazing if I open up to women only to have them kick me in the heart? Every time it happens I feel less and less inclined to open up and be more like the men that women flock to, who lets face it, treat women like crap.
      I am not saying all women are like this, I am drawing on my experiences as I need to make something work for me. Stop telling men to man up and just let us be ourselves, love us for who we are and not for who you think we should be and you’ll find that men a very emotional and sensitive as well as strong, just like women are.

  2. You should be easing up because you’re pushing men away to the point where they’re opting out entirely. Men are on the cusp of the kind of liberation that feminism gave women, yet are pretty much society’s scapegoat at the moment. We catch crap from every direction, feminism included, and many of us are so fed up that we’ve just given up on all of it.

    Best of luck to society if all the men decide to throw up their hands.

    • Supra deluca says:

      Straight men give up so easily, uh? I can think of many other social groups that also suffered since the dawn of time and they are still trying to win, trying to be better people, etc. Us gay guys catch crap from every direction, and here we are, being good people and trying to make a difference, in general.
      I guess it is this entitlement for feeling powerful and above everyone else that straight males, even more when it comes to the white ones, have always been conditioned. Even when also being put down. I am sorry for that, but you guys have to wake up.

      • Nice! No safe place for men to speak respectfully about the pain and challenges they face. Can you imagine how you would feel if a man hijacked an article about women’s pain and challenges. Oh wait they do it everyday, must be a vengeance thing.

        • James Murray says:

          This is a problem I’ve been facing for a while now. Those of us who DON’T fit into the neat little box and aren’t rabid misogynists like the Voice for Men group.

          Every time you try to express the frustration and look for support, you end up with a self-righteous, snarky comment that utterly disrespects you and dismisses you out of hand.

          Thanks Supra deluca, for being such a kind and thoughtful soul. Not.

          • I think the problem comes when people don’t realize how they sound.

            As in: re-read the article: the criticism is valid. The only less-than-usual thing was that it came from a woman & not a man.

      • Mr Supertypo says:

        ” I guess it is this entitlement for feeling powerful and above everyone else that straight males, even more when it comes to the white ones, have always been conditioned. Even when also being put down. I am sorry for that, but you guys have to wake up ”

        Straight guys are just guys, please stop dehumanizing us.

    • tashina strongbow says:

      don`t give up dude, there are a lot of us who want to be supportive and are, to the good guys, but I do know how you feel I catch it form both sides too, one article says women should make the first move, but if you do, you are either a slut or pushy, but every chance I get, I try my very best to be loving and supportive, I am naturally maternal to all my friends, male and female, and yeah, being white, I have taken crap having lived in an all black neighborhood, so I know what you mean, you try your hardest, and get shit for it, I was heart broken for Tom Matlock, how women treated him was so unfair, please know we are not all like that, the good men, I am here to support you in all that I can, there are a lot of us out there. especially us old school broads. that is why I call myself a human rights person and not a feminist, I know you won`t believe me, but there is a lot of things that changed in feminism. some not for the better. and not all feminists agree with each other. but fort all you good guys, and gals, I am here for ya, peace out, Tashina

  3. Darren says:

    Beautifully written and spot on. I’ve learned that almost all men (including myself) are caring shame and guilt from their life events, especially from events in their childhood. Societal norms say keep it in, don’t share it, don’t acknowledge it – and this becomes a poison that warps our ability to 1) know ourselves and 2) be effective fathers, brothers, spouses, etc. Learning to live authentically is necessary and terrifying and the longer we (as men) wait, the harder it is, and the more damage we cause to those we love. I’d encourage any man wanting to look in the mirror to read Brene Brown’s work around shame and when you are truly ready to “see yourself for the first time” take time to explore The Mankind Project (http://mankindproject.org/) and consider taking part in this transformation community. I can promise, you’ll never be the same. You’ll thank yourself and so will your loved ones.

  4. Wes Carr says:

    Thanks for this article. In her book Men On Strike, Helen Smith touched on some of the points you
    made as to why men are giving up on relationships, marriage and even college.

  5. This is just reinforcing outdated stereotypes. I’m female and I’m nothing like the idea of a woman this article presumes. I don’t non-stop chatter and find rude when people talk over the top of each other. My friends and I do NOT EVER break down in front of each other. I was raised not to cry, ‘make mountains out of molehills’ or ‘air dirty laundry’. Translation: don’t talk about your stuff. I’ve literally broken up a defacto relationship because the guy would non-stop talk about every single thought, may be, might be, could be, feelings that crossed his path . He was constantly on at me, ‘how do you feel about me’, ‘how do you feel about us’ and then when I’d try to answer; ‘I don’t believe you. I think…’

    Sorry but it’s not the 1950’s anymore and ‘Sex and the City’ was a tv show, not reality.

    • Thank you for the sanity check.

    • Mr Supertypo says:

      Bastet, so you know how annoying is to read outdated pieces on guys. Frankly there is to much disinformation between the genders. We need to break the gender myths.

  6. James Murray says:

    I just have to say thank you for this article. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

    I’m so damn paranoid of being one of ‘those assholes’ that I’ve pretty much just given up on dating. Even when I approach a woman I’m interested in and try to be as non-threatening as possible, I don’t seem to ever really get considered. I understand why women feel the way they do, why the world is a much more frightening place because of those men who have no clue or no shame.

    Guess what ladies! They aren’t only harming YOU, they’re harming the REST of us guys that DO have a clue, that do have some class and that DO respect you. They’ve made you afraid of us all.

    There’s other cultural factors that influence my failure in relationships, the Seattle freeze comes to mind, but I swear, every time I get close to someone, they bail out as soon as I don’t step up as some sort of macho man. I open up and share, they see me as less of a man (I’ve been TOLD this, flat out!).

    So yeah, we hurt, we’re scared of spending the rest of our lives alone, we’re frustrated, and as seen above, get hammered back down when we DO try to do something constructive about it. Of course we’re closed off, We’re terrified of BEING THE VERY MEN YOU DESPISE!

  7. I agree and disagree with this article. While I don’t care for the generalizations the author makes about women, I don’t feel it’s causing the greatest harm here. The generalizations about men bother me more.

    Also how does this even follow the anecdote with this boy who lost his dog? ‘I spoke to a young man who couldn’t [or wouldn’t] talk about his grief therefore women need to ease up on men’. I don’t get it. I agree that a lot of men would benefit from having a safe place to express themselves, and that a lot of women should help facilitate this. I don’t understand the premise on which the author is basing her argument.

    Lord knows I interrupt my boyfriend all the time. Luckily for me he’s able to jump from topic to topic like I can, and he appreciates the types of conversations we have. I’m still working on the interruptions and my patience.

    Not all men are like the author describes. Men come in an array of personalities and guess what, different women (and men) will be attracted to different kinds of men.

  8. I treat men like they treat me; they are just men. I do not put them on pedestals like some of them expect women to do. I will call their BS if needed and I expect them to call on mine. The problem is that it is difficult for men to be equal to women. The demand respect, but hardly give it to women. If this was an article about women, the replies would have been hostile. I see that a lot lately about GMP where men have needs that are being ignored, but women never had them…. Sad

    • Anthony says:

      Men and Women, ALL people. The biggest problem of all is communication and true understanding of each other. Men and Women do not think or speak with the same style of mind in general. Learn to communicate with each other, on a deeper level, with understanding and many will begin to see some amazing things happen. Self discovery is the first step to being able to accept others into your life, man or woman. Forget social norms, you be who you want to be and be proud of it. I don’t cry in public i think its embarrassing and shows lack of control over ones self, and if I do break down its with someone who I deeply trust as privately as possible. Everyone has their side of the story, instead of trying to make your side heard, stop and listen to the other side, there are many things to be learned.

    • Mr Supertypo says:

      Luzy it also go in reverse, what you say can easely be said about women. Maybe not us who look into this but the general reality outhere is different. Everything women/men say about the opposite gender goes also the other way. Im sorry but its true.

  9. As a man now approaching 60, I have finally gotten past most of the gender crap Christy spoke about above. I think overall her points have much validity to what’s going on today. I am comfortable now being who I am, mostly, there is after all close to 60 years of hearing “the message” of how you’re supposed to be to fit in.. Women seemed to have gotten past a lot of that as a group. Men are still stuck by both men and women, sometimes more by women than men. I call out my male friends as well as my female friends when I hear nonsense. I like things that both genders can like. I’m communicative and feeling, responsible and protective. I am whom I’ve always been, just more open about it than I was in the past . it’s a really nice place to be. Glad I was able to experience that. Many people don’t, or won’t.

  10. One other thing. I finally figured out, internalized it, that you can’t please everybody. In reality not many people, and in the end maybe only one-yourself. Life is short. If people don’t like what I do, then my response is to ask them to ask me the real question first before they made their commentary. That question is “should I expect you to give a shit about anything I have to think or say?”. That generally stops them from going further. I am consciously aware to try not to hurt anyone by what I say or do, I expect the same consideration from others. When they violate that I have no fear or remorse to put them in their place. Fortunately my wife, while certainly not agreeing with me all the time, and tells me when she doesn’t, likes me just fine for the person I am. I’m a lucky guy.

  11. In the end it boils to respecting each other. If the man or woman dont respect each other or themselves, then that is basically a dysfunctional relationship. That’s when people move on. Ease up or not its subjective.

  12. ChissBountyHunter says:

    “Most men have been shamed in the past for asking for what they want. They’ve been shamed for wanting sex, shamed for feeling attraction and shamed for their vulnerability. It’s an uneasy playing field out there, actually a mine field when you think about it.”

    Feeling attraction is ok. Wanting sex is ok. Asking for sex is sometimes (usually) not ok. Pretending to be friends with someone just to get close enough to harass that someone is not ok. Pressuring someone to be with you because you feel attraction is not ok. Putting your self-worth as being something measured by how many people you can get to have sex with you is not ok. Can you understand the difference between those things?

    If you can, then I’ll never have to shame you over it.

    Anyone who shames people for FEELING a certain way is in the wrong. But please don’t ACT in creepy ways because of how you feel. It’s that easy.

    • tashina strongbow says:

      women should be supportive and grateful for good men, I wish I knew more, but we should have better definitions for good people, but we should be more patient and wait to see if men are good guys or not, or good guys with just a few bad things, some of the men who write for this site are definitely not so good, check out spearhead. com the bad boys of good men`s project. I am about to write an article about the power trips in different sex styles pro and con, I don`t like power trips in bed, only pleasure, any guy who wants to read it first and tell me what you think of it let me know, if there are any guys who want to read it post it here and I can e mail, ya, if ya want. it will be lengthy and you won`t like a lot of it, but it has a really happy ending, I promise, I will turn it into a blog if it doesn`t publish, hope to hear from you. Tashina, tell me what you think of power trips in bed.

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  2. […] recently did a post entitled Why We Women Need to Ease Up on Our Men and openly discussed the ways we women need to pull back a bit and have patience with our men and […]

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  8. […] A reply to: ”The women I know all agree that witnessing an empowered man opening his heart, despite his wounding, and putting it all out there in a vulnerable way–is sexy. Sexy, but not easy. Most men have been shamed in the past for asking for what they want. They’ve been shamed for wanting sex, shamed for feeling attraction and shamed for their vulnerability. It’s an uneasy playing field out there, actually a mine field when you think about it.” Tamara Starhttp://goodmenproject.com/the-good-life/why-we-as-women-need-to-ease-up-on-men/ […]

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