It’s a fantastic feeling to be close to someone. But many people aren’t ready for deep connections and emotional relationships.
Someone can’t make you feel whole. Personal development is a self project. People can guide us, but the results come from our efforts. There’s room for improvement for everyone. And it’s okay to accept yourself as imperfect.
Commitment isn’t the easiest thing for me because I sometimes lie to myself about who I am and what I need. If my future relationships are to succeed, I will have to work on myself. But if you’re in a relationship and you know what you need. Then you would discuss this with your partner to foster healthy communication.
Communication won’t solve every problem if you’re holding back and telling half-truths. It’s necessary to have an honest conversation with yourself before entering a relationship.
Journal your fears, hopes, and faults; this self-reflection won’t be easy. Yet, it will make discussions with your boyfriend or girlfriend easier when you sit down to talk.
Here are some questions to ask yourself before getting into a serious relationship.
1. Money
Be honest with yourself about your feelings towards money. Who do you think should pay for dates and will you comprise?
Sometimes, it isn’t about what you can afford because you feel the other person must spend on you. Every meal doesn’t have to be a treat for you. It means looking at bills beyond who earns more and traditional responsibility.
- Are you okay with splitting bills?
- Would you treat your date or partner?
- Can you look past your love-interest earning more or less than you?
- What do you consider irresponsible money behavior?
- How do you feel talking about money?
Money issues during dating are early signs of financial problems in relationships. Access your finances and your emotions towards money. It helps to know how you feel. So you communicate with your partner and establish expectations.
2. Career
In America, 21 percent of the population is eager to change careers. And only 45 percent of workers are happy with their jobs, according to Career Vision. This dissatisfaction could inspire quitting, relocation, and going back to university.
Learn how you feel about people in different occupations. Some people don’t like their partner traveling for work or staying late at the office. For others, they will make the most of the time spent together.
- Ask yourself, what would your ideal partner do?
- Is long-distance a deal-breaker for you?
- Would you support your partner if they went to college or got laid off?
People change their minds when they feel comfortable with someone. It’s good to know what would make you expand your comfort zone. This self-awareness may help you identify the one.
3. Baggage
- Do you wait for dates to tell you about their past, or do you research them?
- How is your credit score? Do you have kids or a life-threatening health condition?
- What number of dates are necessary before you expose your baggage?
- Would you tell a lie about yourself? How long would you keep lying?
- Have you addressed your feeling towards your ex or past trauma?
We create the “right moments” through our willingness to be open and honest. It’s not fair for you to disclose baggage later. When you believe, the other person emotionally checks into the relationship. This strategy won’t make people stay. Caleb Backe, Health and Wellness Expert for Maple Holistics, told Bustle that:
Regardless of how serious a previous relationship was, people often cannot disconnect without sufficient time. Especially when they experienced emotional trauma or heartbreak, which typically manifests itself in pathological skepticism and the unwillingness to commit and be vulnerable.
We can’t rush the healing process. But you can seek professional help to find solutions for your work-in-progress qualities.
4. Intimacy
- What is your love language?
- How many times a week is enough sex for you?
- What are your bedroom likes and dislikes?
- Do you have fantasies or fetishes?
Everyone is different; I can’t define what’s healthy or appropriate for you. There are tons of books on the subject if you aren’t comfortable discussing the topic yet. Are you working on communicating love first? Gary Chapman wrote a book called The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, and it’s a great place to start. It can help you identify what you need, so you can communicate your desires to your future partner.
5. Disagreements
My friend gives people the silent treatment when she’s upset. She won’t be the first one to reach out after a fight. That’s fine if the other person will talk first. A partnership means you’re on the same team. Knowing how you respond to disagreements is beneficial. It can help you understand and improve your responses during fights.
Instead of silence, you may be quick to say, “You never make time for me.” Reflect on how you usually approach arguments. So, you are mindful of the impact your words have on your partner.
Healthy relationships depend on communication. If you can’t have honest self-talks, how will you open up to someone else?
People who are in healthy relationships know how to express their feelings. They can also respond with compassion and listen.
When a breakup happens, it’s easy to look back and see what you should have done. But, you can do yourself one better. Learn what you need from a partner and where you will comprise. To genuinely have your future self attempt to work with your love interest and communicate when problems arise.
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Previously Published on medium
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