Do more than just “shut up.”
We all know that we should listen more often.
But telling someone to “listen more” is like telling a sprinter to run faster. The real thing to discover is how to run faster. So, how do we learn to listen more?
It starts by shutting up, but it can’t stop there.
I’ve personally done a lot of work on becoming a better listener. It’s hard work for people like me whose mouths have a tendency to run. And run. And run. Marathon mouth.
Shutting up is a good first step. Now let’s talk about the next one.
Truly listening is less about quieting your mouth, and it’s much more about quieting your mind. Hey, this is really important. This is crucial to carrying on a conversation that everyone enjoys.
Again, truly listening is less about quieting your flapper and way more about quieting your head.
Here’s what I mean.
I’ll sometimes catch myself thinking about my response while the other person is still talking. It happens far less frequently now, but the bad habit will creep up every now and again.
Does this happen to you at all?
It’s an interesting thing for me, and I’ve thought about it a lot. For me, I’ve noticed that I’ll start thinking about my response when I’m feeling insecure. It happens most often when I feel like I’ve got something to prove or an argument to win.
The irony of that, of course, is that I can impress people more often when I actually listen and respond with a relevant reply.
Some pretty ugly stuff can happen when we tune others out as we cook up a response.
First, you can miss some crucial info they’re trying to tell you. That one is pretty self-explanatory. Let’s move onto the next ugly thing that might happen.
Second, you can miss crucial info they’re not telling you with their words.
This could be as small as a “hey look at that dude wearing the Pokemon outfit” nod of the head to something much more serious. I’ll never forget the time someone told me that they decided to not take their life that night because I looked at and listened to them.
Most situations won’t be that serious (thank goodness), but there’s always a chance.
Finally, we simply can’t make meaningful connections with people if we don’t pay attention to them. These connections could lead to friendships, business deals, a raise, a promotion, investment dollars, referrals, or more.
Those would be horrible things to lose because we weren’t truly listening.
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Photo: Flickr/Monika