Divorce sucks. That’s the simplest phrase for it. People get divorced for many reasons including finances, a lack of communication, a lack of passion and compassion, infidelity and overall dissatisfaction. While it can be assumed that no one enters into a marriage with the intention of getting divorced, life happens and sometimes the only remedy is to part ways.
When it comes to dating or being in a relationship with a woman who has been divorced for any amount of time, there is a possibility that she may still be hanging on to a few lingering feeling from her past love. It’s normal and it is a part of being human. As a man who wants to show her that you are interested, when she opens up to you, be ready to listen more than you speak and don’t put up your defenses. Everybody wants and needs to feel the excitement of dating, being in a new relationship and forgetting about painful pasts.
If you meet a woman who has experienced divorce, here are six things she may be looking for so keep your antennas up.
1. A man who isn’t afraid to have hard conversations.
There is no way to really get to know someone without talking with them. Women love to talk. Not just about how their day went or other mundane topics. Women like to be able to bear our souls without fear of judgement. And guess what? She is looking for a man who isn’t afraid to hit the ball back to her by asking questions that tap into real feelings and emotions. considering dating and entertaining a relationship with a woman who had been divorced, don’t shut down she asks you questions about the future or about your past. If you too have experienced being divorced, use it as an avenue to find more common ground.
2. A man who knows what he wants.
No one likes someone who is lukewarm. Dating is all about options but when it comes to dating a woman who has been divorced, you have to be clear about your intentions. If you are looking to have fun and see multiple people, tell her. If you are open to being in an exclusive dating situation, tell her. More often than not, she doesn’t want to get married again tomorrow. She just wants clear direction about how and where she should focus her energy especially is she has children or a busy schedule. Divorced women tend to know a little bit more of what they want in a man so they need a man who is sure of what he is looking for in a woman.
3. A man who is open to change.
Men are creatures of habit. Women know this. But it’s refreshing when a man gets bit by the adventure bug and wants to try something different. If your ideal date is dinner and a movie and hers is indoor rock-climbing and a sip and paint, be open to trying something new. Women are prone to put themselves in situations where they can get to know you better. You can’t talk during a movie but you sure can get a lot of laughs and good conversation over a glass of wine and a relaxing environment. Being open to change doesn’t mean change with the wind. It just means that you can be open to changing your style of doing things to show that you care about someone other than yourself sometimes.
4. A man who is sure of himself.
Women love a confident man but there is a fine line between confident and cocky. A divorced woman may feel that she lacks in this area because for some, they think that being divorced is like wearing a D that resembles the scarlet letter. Women can sense a man that has an authentic picture of himself and his life. When you paint the picture that she can relate to, you’ll have a better chance of getting her to be confident in herself as well.
5. A man who allows himself to be vulnerable.
Love is all about vulnerability. Vulnerability is all about giving someone the ammunition they need to possibly destroy you, but hoping that they will not. Women aren’t the only emotional beings and as a man, it is okay to show that side of you. Talk about your fears, your past, your desire, wants and needs. Yes, women do love manly-men but they also want a man who can cater to their emotional needs. Don’t wait until you decide you want to be committed to be open. Vulnerability starts from day one.
6. A man who doesn’t remind her of her past love.
A divorced woman typically is more open and honest about her past. She will tell you what worked and what did not work. She will tell you what she loved about being married and she will tell you about what she hated. Pay attention to what she says. Always be yourself and allow her to see the real you. Because people are people, there are some characteristics we all share. Ask her questions about her past and talk with through things that she may not understand. Some things are men habits. Some things are people habits. If she still has negative feelings towards her past, it doesn’t mean she isn’t ready to move forward. It could mean that this is your opportunity to help her see her past in a different light.
Men deserve love. Women deserve love. It doesn’t have to be complicated. Divorced is a life event, not a life sentence. When you meet a woman who has been through a divorce, if you’re interested in her, use her past to learn about her and how you can love her best.
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