I’d like to apologize to all the women in my life. I don’t know exactly where I went wrong, but I know I’ve failed you. Not for a lack of trying, but for a lack of results. I tried to lead by word and example. I made sure that I saw you as beautifully strong and brilliant creatures and not as objects of my natural lust. I worked on my own self, so that I could work side by side with you and be confident in my strength while recognizing and being proud of yours. I bent my mind and emotions to figure out how you felt when less conscientious men made unwanted remarks and advances, and I spoke up to defend your individualism and choice in that moment.
However, I was a fool. I didn’t consider that not enough men would work towards the same ends. I didn’t realize that they might not truly care about your thoughts and ideas as much as they did about your bust size. And I was clearly naïve when I thought they would listen as I chastised them for their lewd behavior. All I accomplished was to make them stop voicing their misogyny in public, and I let myself believe that because they were no longer saying those offensive things, that they were also no longer thinking them. I should have done better, but I was young and thought I did everything that was required to make the world safe for you to be yourself.
I now fear not because I will be affected, but because I will no longer be able to protect those women in my life who mean so much and enrich me at every turn.
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November Ninth, I woke up to find out that I was wrong, and my world was shattered. Misogyny spoke out because it thought itself safe from scrutiny. Secret ballots meant that men could vote their conscience without fear of public chastisement. And they were emboldened by a new voice in Trump. Fear that unseemly talk hurt your career or your chance with women now falls away as white males find that there are no consequences to viewing women as purely sex objects. In the new rhetoric, pathologically assaulting women is just what boys do, and bragging about it is just what men talk about. It’s a fantasy of many of them to be able to handle women how they want without fear of consequences, and now they have institutionalized it through their votes.
And now I am afraid in a way I have never been before. I have always been a stalwart champion for good. As a straight, white male, I view my privilege as a responsibility. I have never had to endure criticism or persecution for my status, and thus, I am exactly the kind of person who needs to stand up for the status of others. But that is no longer enough. What I had built my character on (speaking up for those who need a voice) no longer can challenge the ocean of sexism, racism, and prejudice in America. I now fear not because I will be affected, but because I will no longer be able to protect those women in my life who mean so much and enrich me at every turn.
In a landscape that promotes sexist language, I cannot ensure that any woman in my life will be free from harassment in her daily life. In a society where white men can brag about groping women publicly and still be elected president, I cannot ensure that any woman will not be assaulted when I am not there to intervene. And in a rhetoric of growing violence, sexism, and racism, I cannot be confident that those who feel newly empowered won’t feel like they are entitled to force themselves upon our wives, sisters, daughters, friends, mothers, and lovers. If I cannot ensure a safe world for the women in my life, I have failed them.
And most importantly, we must enlist the help of our fellow good men. Praise each other for taking a stand.
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There is only one thing for me to do. For us to do. We must fight harder. We must be even more intolerant of misogynistic behavior. We must refuse to excuse our one friend who oversteps because he’s generally a good guy. We must talk openly and frequently about the importance of consent and respect for women. We must reach out to the young men in our lives to provide an example in words and deeds before other examples take root. We must seek out those who speak without thinking in our offices and implore them to think about how their language has an even greater effect than before this election. We must be hyper sensitive for women, because a woman who tries to do this will be oversensitive, but we can be a voice of change. And most importantly, we must enlist the help of our fellow good men. Praise each other for taking a stand. High five, for not letting each other be too flippant about our own speech. Fist bump for bringing another good man into the resistance. Because we can no longer expect our leaders to provide a positive example. Rape culture is real. And right now it has every reason to feel emboldened. And in this instant, only men can truly change its course.
There is only one thing for me to do. For us to do. We must fight harder. We must be even more intolerant of misogynistic behavior. We must refuse to excuse our one friend who oversteps because he’s generally a good guy. We must talk openly and frequently about the importance of consent and respect for women. We must reach out to the young men in our lives to provide an example in words and deeds before other examples take root. We must seek out those who speak without thinking in our offices and implore them to think about how their language has an even greater effect than before this election. We must be hyper sensitive for women, because a woman who tries to do this will be oversensitive, but we can be a voice of change. And most importantly, we must enlist the help of our fellow good men. Praise each other for taking a stand. High five, for not letting each other be too flippant about our own speech. Fist bump for bringing another good man into the resistance. Because we can no longer expect our leaders to provide a positive example. Rape culture is real. And right now it has every reason to feel emboldened. And in this instant, only men can truly change its course.
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Photo: Getty Images
“MISOGYNY” …..endorsed by 42% women that voted Trump…….or just maybe there was more to the election than your SJW snowglobe safe space world could fathom, and has yet to still comprehend.
You should apologize for being part of the problem since ignoring half of it won’t resolve it and actually helps perpetuate it. I guess you can’t really score points with women by telling them that they’re rapists and need to stop. Hmmm, maybe there’s an idea in there.
If you really think we (men) must be more intolerant of misogynistic behavior, you should also talk about that they (women) must be more intolerant of misandristic behavior too in return. The relationship between men and women is not a one way route. About rape culture, not sure if this is real as the huge majority of men are not rapists. Following this logic I might claim that false rape allegations from women against men are a part of rape culture too. If men should act against rape, then women should act against false rape allegations. To ask for that… Read more »
If you wanna talk about rape culture, look up Mary Koss and male sexual assault rates by women, studied by the CDC. Then look into how those numbers were hidden and the assaults downplayed in society and in the law in order to promote a narrative such as rape culture.
As for me, my advocacy for women has come to a dead stop until we can even *acknowledge* the different but entirely equal hardships that men now and have always faced. I am not an unpaid employee for women, and I am definitely not their whipping boy.