My son Connor has graduated from grade school and will be a freshman in high school, he is getting old, not me. These are just some thoughts and maybe you might relate.
I am still shocked to think that nine years has passed by so quickly from your first day of kindergarten to 8th grade graduation. Within the nine years obviously things have changed and not always for the better but unfortunately this is what life is about. When life knocks you down it is all about how you get back up on your feet for the next challenge.
I cannot believe that 14-years ago you were born! I will always remember that day; it actually started the night before as I was working at the ice rink driving a Zamboni. Your mom called me to say it was time. I will never forget the drive from the rink to the apartment because it was starting to snow and there is an Irish tradition that if it rains on your wedding day that is good luck. So I equated to your birth with the Irish folklore which in my opinion was very right on point.
Once we got to the hospital and settled into the room I did the dad thing and turned on hockey. There is nothing like waiting for the birth of your child of your son as a soon to be dad while watching a hockey game. The funny thing is well what sport do you play today? Yes, folks he plays hockey (and baseball). That night turned into morning so at 5:04 AM you came into the world and I became a dad. Yes, “Dude” (my nickname for Connor) becoming a dad was a scary thing because I never thought I would of taken that major step but I did and I’m extremely happy that I did, ZERO regrets.
Your mom and I discussed about me staying home with you to save money on day care. During this time I was working nights at one of the local ice hockey rinks as an Ice resurface driver or in English a Zamboni driver. My world changed as a stay at home dad because as an only child I did not babysit nor had that experience so this was all new to me. In the working world we call this “on the job training.”
A piece of advice that a mom gave me was to make sure I got in a shower every day. I was able to accomplish this by putting you in your swing as you watched (not kids shows) ESPN. Yes we watched the world famous Sesame Street but you enjoyed (ok I was being a dad) watching the sports highlights. Once your mom admitted to me that she was jealous of our relationship because when I would leave to go to work you would cry; funny thing was that to calm you down she would have you watch hockey.
There finally came a time that our relationship needed to take a different direction. Yes it was time for both of us to find new friends and begin a new phase in our lives. I went back to full time work and you went to daycare. You were very blessed to be at an in home day care with your friend Josh because even to this day you are friends and go to the same school.
This was a new opportunity for me as well because I learned how to let you go and grow all at the same time. I have to admit I had several self-doubting talk because I did not have the babysitting training; I was a pretty good stay at home dad and I know this because not once did you need stitches from me accidentally leaving you on the bed.
OK confession time dude, you were on the bed and I reached to answer the phone you fell off. Sorry and yes it was a rookie mistake. Again no stitches and we both survived that episode.
Ironically, and you know this already, but we were around the same age when our parents divorced. Connor, I never imagined that this was going to happen to our family and I do not tell you enough how proud I am of how you handled this new life change. I look back at my life to see what a mental mess I was and you are even today a lot stronger mentally then I was. Divorce is never that easy and yes we can talk about the summer of 2009 where we both had changes in our lives and because of that time frame you and I just could not connect.
On some Friday nights I would pick you up and with-in an hour or two you wanted to be back at home. Lucky for you that because my parents went through a divorce I could relate to your feelings and as hard as it was to take you to your mom’s house, I understood. We went through this routine time after time during that summer until something and I do not know what or how your change occurred but a change none of the less. All I can say was that you were fun again.
I never know what to ask you or how to ask you about things that are going on between your mother and me. The whole court thing is that example. I had to keep my emotions to myself as well as my thoughts because I did not know what your mom said about court and I did not want to add any pressure to you.
The thing is that I knew you did not want to really move to Wisconsin but being able to spend more time with your cousins there is what you really did want. I got that but what I do not know if it was described to you in detail that we would not see each other. I was in so much pain for six months; the day that your mom sent me the email stating that you wanted to move until the day of the ruling by the judge.
Once the judge said that your mom could not take you out of state it was like Christmas morning and the best present ever. I hope you know that I fought for you just like the dad in one of our favorite movies “Real Steel” and would do it again for you.
I still am in shock that you are 14-years old and yes it is true that time does fly. Connor you do not know how you saved my life but I will save that for another time but I can honestly say you have added value to my life. I loved going to your school and the kids simply calling me “Connor’s dad.” I know my life would be so much different if you were not born on March 11, 2003 at 5:04 AM and to many that is a well DUH statement.
With you the world is going to be a better place. Things like the stuff you make to sell to people in front of the house to the coloring book that you and your bonus sister created. As you get older I am going to do my best not just as your dad but as a mentor to help you along your path to success. Connor as a parent one of the most valuable statements we say to our kids is that we want you to do better than we have while on the planet. I have no doubt of this with you because of the life skills you already have. For you the ability to make friends is a wonderful trait.
Not only do you show that you care about others but others honestly care about you.Including your two bonus sisters. That night of taking your mom to the hospital, watching hockey waiting for you to come into the world. You are onto bigger and better things and I look forward to being on the sidelines and watching. Connor I love you so much.
Here is to your next four years!! #ilovebeingadad
—
Join The Good Men Project Community.
“Here’s the thing about The Good Men Project. We are trying to create big, sweeping, societal changes—–overturn stereotypes, eliminate racism, sexism, homophobia, be a positive force for good for things like education reform and the environment. And we’re also giving individuals the tools they need to make individual change—-with their own relationships, with the way they parent, with their ability to be more conscious, more mindful, and more insightful. For some people, that could get overwhelming. But for those of us here at The Good Men Project, it is not overwhelming. It is simply something we do—–every day. We do it with teamwork, with compassion, with an understanding of systems and how they work, and with shared insights from a diversity of viewpoints.” —– Lisa Hickey, Publisher of The Good Men Project and CEO of Good Men Media Inc.
Don’t like ads? Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad free
The $50 Platinum Level is an ALL-ACCESS PASS—join as many of our new Social Interest Groups, calls about life in the 21t century, and classes (writing, platform building, leadership, social change) as you want for the entire year. The $20 Gold Level gives you access to any ONE Social Interest Group and ONE Class–and other benefits listed below the form. Or…for $5, join as a Bronze Member and support our mission.
Register New Account
*Payment is by PayPal.
Please note: If you are already a writer/contributor at The Good Men Project, log in here before registering. (Request new password if needed).
◊♦◊
ANNUAL PLATINUM membership ($50 per year) includes:
1. AN ALL ACCESS PASS — Join ANY and ALL of our weekly calls, Social Interest Groups, classes, workshops and private Facebook groups. We have at least one group phone call or online class every day of the week.
2. See the website with no ads when logged in!
3. PLATINUM MEMBER commenting badge and listing on our “Friends of The Good Men Project” page.
***
ANNUAL GOLD membership ($20 per year) includes all the benefits above — but only ONE Weekly Social Interest Group and ONE class.
***
ANNUAL BRONZE membership ($5 per year) is great if you are not ready to join the full conversation but want to support our mission anyway. You’ll still get a BRONZE commenting badge, a listing on our Friends page, and you can pop into any of our weekly Friday Calls with the Publisher when you have time. This is for people who believe—like we do—that this conversation about men and changing roles and goodness in the 21st century is one of the most important conversations you can have today.
♦◊♦
We have calls about these topics 7 days a week! Join us by becoming a Platinum or Gold member. (Click on the graphic for more information about the calls and to RSVP for them.)
♦◊♦
We have pioneered the largest worldwide conversation about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century. Your support of our work is inspiring and invaluable.
◊♦◊
Photos courtesy of the author.