Gentlemen in Training
The Case for Manners for Today’s Young Men – Part 8
In my home, we’ve been talking a lot about feelings. Correction: my wife has been doing this all along with my toddler boys, and I’m just now coming around to it. As a trained social worker, she knows how to draw out what’s inside of a person. As a man with what I would consider sharp emotional intelligence, it turns out I could use some work, especially with my sons.
The reason: my eldest son, now well into his fourth year, is showing more empathy, plus, a better understanding of his own feelings than I’ve ever seen before. This is different from my younger son, who, at two and half, is still somehow like a puppy: wild and erratic, but very cute.
As my four-year-old now listens more carefully and sometimes does what we ask of him, he’s also turning the corner when it comes to switching between emotions. He tells us when he’s feeling happy, sad, or angry, and he’s generous with his “I love you’s.”
So, what’s my role here? What’s a father supposed to do with this information? Encourage it. Let the young man speak. Let him express himself so he learns how to put words to what’s happening inside of him. Now and then, there’s a part of me that wants to tell him to “buck up,” or just to stop feeling a certain way. But I’ve been stopping myself from doing that. Instead, I ask him how he feels, and what can he do to change the situation. I thank him for sharing how he feels, and I remind him he’ll be fine, that feelings change, that we can choose how we want to feel, or react to something.
That last part isn’t as easy to explain to a four-year-old. It’s mostly my wife and I putting out small emotional fires all day long, or refereeing between the two boys. Bottom line: we try our hardest to do it through communication, by talking it out. We remind them that gentlemen talk through their problems, and share their feelings. We remind them that they can and should do this anytime, and that the more they “use their words,” the better we’ll all feel.
Manners Matter: Part 1 of the Gentlemen in Training series
PC or Not PC: Part 2 of the Gentlemen in Training series
Brotherly Love: Part 3 of the Gentlemen in Training series
Gentleman Up: Part 4 of the Gentlemen in Training series
Pick Your Battles:Part 5 of the Gentlemen in Training series
Ladies and Gentlemen: Part 6 of the Gentlemen in Training series
R-E-S-P-E-C-T: Part 7 of the Gentlemen in Training series
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Photo by Aman Shrivastava on Unsplash