‘I love you. Those three little words hold a ton of meaning and saying them first in a relationship can be intimidating.
If you want to tell if your man loves you without waiting for him to verbalize it, we can help. We’ll show you some things that all men do when they’re in love.
1. Slowing Down
When you’re spending time with the object of your affection, sometimes it feels like time is flying by but in reality, if a man is in love with you, he is going to slow way down at least when it comes to walking.
Considering that most men are taller and have longer legs than most women, they tend to move along faster than we do. But rather than hoping we catch up with them, men who are in love will slow down to match your pace.
Scientists have studied the way men walk when they’re alone with a friend or with a significant other.
When men walk along with a woman they have platonic feelings toward, they don’t significantly change their pace and walk much the same way they do when they’re alone. However, when they walk with someone they have romantic feelings for they significantly change the pace to keep time with their partner.
From a biological standpoint, this makes total sense the reproductive systems of women are sensitive to energy disturbances, and being overly exhausted can make it difficult to conceive. Therefore, it makes sense that men would have evolved to take on the energetic burden to compensate for their female partners so that they can conserve energy.
2. Words
According to various studies, both men and women say that they believe women fall in love faster than men do. They also believe that women are usually the first to say those three little words, I love you.
These beliefs are pervasive in our books, television shows, and movies, but according to science, they’re also wrong. Studies have shown that men report falling in love faster than their female partners and expressing it sooner.
Again, from a biological perspective, it makes total sense that women would be choosier about their potential partners than men. After all, women have a lot to lose in terms of potential reproduction by committing years of their lives to the wrong men. We have a finite number of eggs and a limited window of fertility, which men don’t have to worry about.
Although they may not like to admit it, men desire close loving relationships with other humans just like women do. So it makes sense that if a man loves you, he’ll tell you. Many women make excuses that the man they like is shy, cautious, or complicated. But in reality, if a man loves you, he will make it clear in no uncertain terms, and he will probably do so before you’re even ready to confess your love.
3. Feeling No Pain
Strangely enough, there are a lot of health benefits to being in love, especially for men. Being in love can give you a pretty cool superpower, feeling less pain.
Researchers at Stanford University study the response of the brain to pain under various conditions. Participants were placed in brain scanners while their hands were heated to various levels using metal rods.
They were exposed to pain while looking at photos of their friends while doing a distracting task and while looking at photos of their beloveds. It turns out that if a man is in love looking at a picture of his loved one can reduce the amount of moderate pain he feels by as much as 40% and when it comes to severe pain, it reduces it by about 10 to 15%.
Interestingly enough, being distracted does help mitigate pain as well, just not as much, and the distraction and the photo of a loved one affect the pain signals traveling through the brain in totally different ways.
We know the popular culture makes it seem that being head over heels in love isn’t manly, but considering it gives men a pretty cool superpower. We think that stereotype needs to change.
4. Grossness Override
If you think about it, human beings are pretty darn gross. Even if you do your best to be clean. You’re walking around covered in germs, you occasionally get smelly and your noses are filled with boogers.
Yet when we meet someone we love, we want to match our germ cover tongues together, which objectively is pretty gross.
You might be wondering why our brains can override all of our natural aversions to germs when we get close to someone, and that’s because of love. No, really. You’re wondering why your boyfriend is cool with being around you at your most disgusting it’s because he’s really into you.
Scientists have done studies in which they intentionally caused a group of people to become aroused and then force them to do disgusting tasks. These include drinking a beverage with a bug in it picking up dirty tissue and more things that most people would never want to do.
The participants who were the most aroused were far less likely to report being disgusted than people who weren’t. Disgust is an emotion just like any other and it turns out that feeling love and arousal towards someone overrides feelings of being grossed out.
Sure for most people, there’s a limit but if a guy is fine picking up your dirty tissues, he’s probably smitten.
5. Symptoms
Our feelings seem so natural to us but behind the scenes, our bodies are undergoing a ton of chemical reactions. The great poets of our time to shop want to compare love to a drug, and that’s honestly pretty accurate.
When a man falls in love, it’s similar to the feeling of being addicted to a drug. It is a surge of euphoria when your brain creates chemicals such as dopamine, oxytocin, and adrenaline. These help you bond with your partner and often increase the more you spend time together.
They also manifest physical symptoms that you may be able to spot.
Common Signs of someone in love are flushed cheeks, dilated pupils, sweaty palms, and a racing heartbeat. Your pupils dilate because of the stimulation in the sympathetic branch of your nervous system, which affects your eyes and it turns out that you really can feel lovesick, it’s not abnormal to feel uneasy or lose your appetite when you’re falling in love.
It’s often the result of the stress hormone cortisol contracting the blood vessels in your stomach. Thankfully, as you become more comfortable with your crush, this generally goes away. It can flare up on emotional occasions, though, and explains why so many grooms just don’t feel hungry on their wedding days.
6. Trouble Sleeping
If you’re lying awake in bed, replaying that great day over and over again in your head. Odds are good that your date is as well.
That’s because being in love can make it extremely difficult to fall asleep. Yes, it sounds strange but a man who is unable to fall asleep at night might just be in love. We know that falling in love can make us feel exhilarated and euphoric.
Those emotions aren’t compatible with getting a sound night of sleep. When men fall in love their energy levels skyrocket and they can concentrate. They also have that addiction response to love, which means that they just want to be with, look at and think about the object of their affection.
If you looked at a scan of the human brain at this time, you would see heightened activity in dopamine-heavy areas. These areas are your brain’s natural reward system and are the reason you feel pleasure in life.
Your brain is so focused on the high of feeling crazy and love that it just can’t change course and concentrate on going to sleep.
Men in love report getting much less sleep than those who are not, although the sleep that they do get is often of superior quality. This could explain why your man sometimes sends you texts at very odd hours of the night or super early in the morning, boys.
7. Voice Change
By now you know that your body undergoes a lot of changes when you fall in love. But did you know that even your voice can change? Think about a time when you were hanging out with a friend when they got a phone call from their significant other, you probably didn’t think much about it but we bet the voice changed once they started talking to their partner.
Studies are done about the effects of love on voice, and people can tell by listening to only two seconds of audio whether the person is speaking to a friend or a lover.
When a man is in love with you. He will saw consciously change the tone of his voice to mimic yours. If you notice a man is speaking to you in a higher voice than he uses for talking to his friends he’s likely smitten.
As for women, we tend to make our voices lower pitched when we are talking to someone that we are interested in.
Mimicking is a pretty big part of how we express our affection and interest even if it’s subconscious most of the time. It indicates a desire for closeness and intimacy with the person you’re emulating.
8. One-track mind
There’s an old trope that men love dating crazy women. But to men in love, it’s often easy to ignore all of the bright red flags that are obvious to absolutely everyone else.
Have you ever had someone who loves you describe you as perfect even when you know you aren’t?
When a man is in love with you he will focus on the positive qualities you possess instead of getting bogged down with your negative traits.
It turns out that being blinded by love is a real thing because of the elevated levels of dopamine you experience when in love. In addition to that, your brain also gets a spike in central norepinephrine which helps you remember your stimuli better.
We tend to get bogged down by negative opinions about ourselves and to us, our applause can seem overwhelming. But when someone loves you their brains make sure that the flaws that seem so huge, you are minimized.
If you’ve ever wondered why a friend is dating someone with habits you find irritating that’s because they’re in love. In addition to thinking less a man in love will also believe that you’re unique compared to other women.
The dopamine in his brain makes it easy to focus his attention on you and difficult to pay attention to anyone else.
9. Time Management
It seems like all couples go through a phase when they first meet when they just can’t get enough of each other.
When men are in love, it’s like they feel addicted and they want to spend most of their time with you.
People who are in love, admit to spending as much as 85% of their day thinking or talking about the object of their affection. Sure to avoid coming across as clingy and maintaining order in our lives. Most people know not to 100% Indulge these feelings, but a man in love will want to spend as much time with his partner as possible and that’s because of what is going on inside his brain.
He’s being affected by something known as intrusive thinking and it’s a form of obsessive behavior. With all that dopamine floating around, central serotonin can dip causing him to feel like he’s obsessed with you.
He may even suffer from a mild form of separation anxiety when you’re away.
While this all may be flattering, make sure that it isn’t going too far. Some people use the excuse of love to push people for overly fast involvement and take their jealousy and possessiveness way too far.
1O. Compassionate Love
Being in love is all well and good but there are different types of love that you can experience. Most of us want to have a healthy relationship with a partner who is empathetic to our needs.
For that, you need a type of love that is known as compassionate love. It’s a huge sign of a healthy relationship and it means that your partner has a vested interest in making you happy.
How can you tell if your partner has compassionate love for you?
If they go out of their way to make you happy, even if it isn’t the best option for them, this can even be little things like giving up your last bite of ice cream so that you can enjoy it, or maybe they offer you their coat when you’re cold even if that means they freeze.
When a man is experiencing this type of love, this sacrifice doesn’t seem like much of one to him because he takes joy in pleasing his partner. Romantic love gets a lot of airtime but compassionate love is the hallmark of successful couples and happy long-term relationships.
Have you ever suffered from mixed signals when it comes to love?
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10 Simple, Secret Signs A Man Wants You
Want to know if he likes you, loves you, and wants you?
Photo by Giorgio Trovato on Unsplash
Dating these days isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, thanks to the internet and lack of real-life interactions.
It can be a little tough to read the signs that someone likes you but don’t fret we’re here to clue you in on what guys do when they want a girl even when they don’t know they are doing it.
1. He listens
It may not seem so obvious, but when a guy likes you he listens.
You can tell he’s listening by the way he looks at you. Guys tend to tilt their head a little when they are listening to someone they’re attracted to, sort of like how a puppy tilts their head when they’re intrigued or confused.
This is a subtle clue that he is interested in you and what you were saying. If you want to be sure it is you he’s interested in and not what you were talking about, there’s a little test you can do when you see a guy tilting his head while you’re speaking, change the topic of conversation.
If he jolts his head up, it’s because he was fascinated by the conversation, not so much you, but if he keeps his head tilted, you have him right where you want him regardless of what his head is giving away.
There are ways to tell if a guy is genuinely listening to you. If he is interrupting you while you talk, there was a good chance he isn’t listening to what you’re saying. Also, you can grade his listening skills by quizzing him on topics you just spoke about.
If a guy likes you he will be lingering on your every word and he will make sure to pass the test.
2. He blushes
When guys want someone, there are certain things they have no control over, like blushing when that person is around.
Have you ever seen a guy who gets a little nervous and awkward in your presence? Then when you finally speak to them, their whole face gets flushed?
This is a telltale sign that he’s really into you. Now this will happen most often with younger guys who are so shy because they don’t have much experience with women, they usually become a little awkward around them.
It’s completely endearing but we can only imagine, it’s pretty embarrassing. Could you imagine blushing every time your crush comes around? They would be able to tell that you have a crush on them.
So if you see a guy blushing because you just walked up, take it easy on him, there is a pretty good chance he’s going to blush even more just because of the simple fact he’s blushing.
If you’re interested in him, you should take matters into your own hands since you already know he wants you, this is a no lose situation. Plus, it’ll be a big relief for the guy because he doesn’t have to worry about being rejected by you, which is pretty much every guy’s worst nightmare.
3. Tells You
Want to know if a guy wants you?
Just take a look at your phone or specifically take a look at your text thread with the guy, there are probably more than a few hints that he’s crushing on you.
Not sure what you are looking for?
Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered. For example, you should pay attention to the time of the day he texts you.
If he makes a habit of texting you in the morning, there was a pretty good chance you were the first thing he’s thinking of when he woke up. The same goes for the night, if he texts you before bed or tells you good night, it’s safe to say he’s digging you.
Plus, if he can carry on texting you throughout the day, it’s a sign that he can’t get you out of his head. It also matters what he says, a man who texts you long messages is telling you what they would be doing if they were with you or leaving little hints that they’re crushing on you.
It also matters if he is the first one to make contact. Don’t get us wrong, he will be thrilled if you text him first. But, a guy who can’t wait that long, and take matters into his own hands is showing that he has it bad. And, you’ll know you have bonus points if he calls you a nickname or you both share inside jokes.
4. His Face
There are several body language clues that let you know if a guy wants you or not.
But we’re going to get a little more specific than the direction his hips are facing or how big his pupils are.
If a guy wants you and specifically wants to kiss you, he’s going to touch his mouth. Other things he will do when he has a crush on you is run his fingers up and down his cheek tug, on his ear, or even stroke his chin.
It may seem like odd behavior but he just can’t help himself. He may not even know he’s doing all of this.
There are a few reasons he might be touching his face so much. Either he is excited to see you, which is good, and his nerves have him a bit all over the place or he could be fidgeting to make sure he looks his best.
Do you know how you go to the restroom to check how you look in the mirror? this is similar to that, except he’s doing it right in front of you, which signals that he cares what you think when you see him.
When a guy touches his mouth, he’s drawing attention to his lips and he does this while looking at your lips, there’s a good chance he’s unknowingly showing you that he’s thinking about kissing you.
What better sign is there than a guy kissing you? That lets you know that he wants you.
5. Appearance
There is even more his body’s revealing to you when you’re around, whether he knows it or not. For instance, take a look at his posture on your date.
When a guy wants you, he’s going to do his best to make sure you want him back. One of the ways of doing that is appearing to look attractive at all times. So when he is around you, he might straighten out his posture by puffing his shoulders up and his chest out and even holding his arms out a bit, the man is showing how masculine he is.
Some men involuntarily do this when they’re around a woman they’re attracted to. This may also be a sign that the guy has a big ego, you might want to look out for that lady.
But, just to make things a little more confusing, some guys do the complete opposite. If you notice a guy slouching around you, don’t write them off just yet. Many men slouch instead of standing up straight when they’re around the woman they fancy. This type of posture means that the guy is having romantic feelings for you and cares about what you were talking about.
So you can see the difference in the type of guys out there. It just comes down to your personal preference in men.
6. He remembers
Remember when we said that if a guy likes you, he listens to you?
Well, there is a little something more we should add to that, not only will a guy who wants you, listen to what you have to say, he will remember. Whether it’s your dog’s birthday or you’re talking about your favorite flavor of ice cream.
If a guy likes you, he’s going to take mental notes. That’s because he wants to know what makes you tick and he also stores his info so he can surprise you later.
If you told them your favorite flowers or daisies and you get a big bouquet of them out of nowhere, then it’s more than obvious this guy wants you. Even if there are things you don’t remember saying that he knows about you, it’s because he remembers the details.
When a guy isn’t that into you, he doesn’t care about your favorite things or interesting details. He would probably be busier talking about himself even to let you get a word in.
So, when a guy listens and he remembers what you talk about. You know you have a good one on your hands.
7. Your social media relationship
If you want to know if a guy wants you or not, pay attention to how he treats you when everyone is looking.
We aren’t talking about when you two are physically together, though that is important as well. We are talking about how he interacts with you on social media.
We live in a world where people are constantly tagging each other and sharing memes and stuff they think is funny online. They also tag each other in relationships and reach out to the people they love via social media.
So it is no surprise that when a guy likes you, he’s going to tag you in things or comment on your posts online. Just go back and look at all those selfies you’ve taken on Instagram. Did your crush like them or were they completely ignored? If he liked them, then it may be because he likes what he sees. You can also tell he wants you if he is one of the first people to watch your Instagram story or if he likes or retweets your tweets.
This means he is totally tuned in to what you were saying and doing throughout the day. If he’s keeping social media tabs on you then you already know he has it bad for you.
8. How he treats you around other people
Just like how he treats you around other people is important, what he says about other people when you are around is also vital.
That’s because when a guy likes you he isn’t going to talk about other girls and he’s definitely not going to talk about dating other girls. No, instead he would much rather talk about you and flirt with the idea of the two of you dating.
He doesn’t even want to give the impression that he likes anyone other than you. He will also get a little jealous when you talk about dating someone else. This is especially true if you talk about wanting to date one of his friends.
When a guy isn’t into a girl and he finds out she likes his friend, he will do anything in his power to hook them up. Now the exact opposite is true when the girl he likes says she likes one of his friends, he will do and say everything to keep her from dating one of them.
So if you notice a guy trying to block you from seeing one of his friends or trying to talk you out of it, there’s a good chance he has the hots for you.
9. His smile
It should be a no-brainer that when a guy likes you, he’s going to smile at you, but that doesn’t mean his smile is genuine.
So how can you know for sure that the smile he has on his face means he wants you?
Well, there are a couple of things to look out for, first, if there are a lot of other girls around but he only smiles at you, then you can be sure that you are the one that puts a smile on his face. But, that’s not only it, you have to pay attention to his teeth, how much of his teeth are showing to be exact?
When a guy smiles at a girl he likes, he is more prone to show all this up to you. This is also when you can tell if his smile is real or not. Many people can fake a smile that shows their top teeth but this next bit is a little harder to fake without looking weird.
If you notice his smile is so big that his eyes start to wrinkle, then this guy is really enjoying being around you, take that as a secret sign this man totally wants you!
10. No phone zone
We’ve already learned so much but we have one final way to tell if a guy truly wants you or not.
As always, we’ve saved the best for last.
Have you ever been on a date with a guy and all he did was text on his phone the whole time?
What is the point of a date if you weren’t even paying attention to the person across from you?
We are pretty sure that it didn’t end well, and you probably got the hint, that the guy wasn’t that into you.
When your date does the complete opposite of this during your date, it’s a great sign. Not only does it show he has good manners, but it also shows that you have his full attention, you know like how a date is supposed to go.
If you choose to progress your relationship with this guy, you will notice this treatment extends to other situations. When you visit him at his house, he will probably ditch his Xbox so that he can spend more time with you, but don’t get too used to this treatment. Once a guy knows he has you he will be back to his phone and Xbox in no time.
But if you are just starting a relationship, make sure you are the only thing he wants to pay attention to.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: Felipe Salgado on Unsplash