Bob Schwenkler on why it’s so important to talk about sexual stamina… and how to bring the topic up in a safe way that actually deepens trust.
As word spreads about Advanced Sexual Stamina for Men (a course I’ve recently created) both men AND women are rapidly taking notice. I’ve been particularly struck by the response I’ve gotten from women. Over the past week I’ve gotten numerous requests from women on how to talk to their man about increasing his sexual stamina.
The reasons for this are clear: Men who have developed their sexual stamina using these powerful techniques are able to hold their partners in extended states of physical ecstasy, show up more fully both in and out of the bedroom, and become more trustworthy in every area of the relationship.
In this article I discuss the benefits of these practices for men and women, and how to bring up the idea of exploring increased sexual stamina in a safe, nonjudgmental way with your man.
NOTE: This article is written from a heterosexual standpoint. Please forgive me for the editorial bias and know that these practices are for any man who knows he’s capable of a more powerful sex life than the one he’s currently experiencing. They hold the power to transform his (sex) life regardless of sexual orientation.
Reason 1: Women Benefit From Increased Sexual Stamina
Women, how many times in your life have you been made love to/screwed/fucked for 40 minutes or more? My own research gives me, at best, average figures of 15 minutes per sex session until a man ejaculates and the sex session is over. Most studies give figures of more like 7 minutes.
Women typically reach maximum physical turn on only after 40 minutes. Women are generally not able to reach the deeper and more advanced states of physical and energetic opening in any less time. I have heard amazing stories about women rolling from orgasm to orgasm, locked in deep states of pleasure, for minutes on end. Not that there’s anything wrong with a quickie, this level of opening and pleasure just won’t happen there.
The large majority of men and women don’t know that this is possible. IT IS!
Reason 2: Men Benefit From Increased Sexual Stamina
It seems like a question barely worth asking after learning what’s possible for women: What are the benefits to a man holding his woman in advanced states of pleasure for up to hours on end, feeling like an absolute Sex God, becoming more trustworthy to his woman, and cultivating deep emotional connection with his woman (not to mention experiencing extended whole body orgasms)?
You tell me.
Reason 3: Relationships Benefit From Increased Sexual Stamina
Our hearts generate electromagnetic fields that other bodies are able to tune into up to about 6 feet away. Knowing this it’s no surprise that when we intentionally come together for extended periods of heightened emotional and physical connection, couples begin to experience a deep emotional resonance. An expansive opening of our hearts becomes possible.
I have found the depths of emotional connection that are available after 1, 2, or 3 plus hours of sexing to be unattainable in any other area of my relationship. I’m far from the only man (or woman) to report the same. There is something extremely powerful about intentionally creating the space to cultivate deep, loving physical intimacy for extended periods of time.
There’s a saying I love that goes “The only thing we need to do to create dramatic change in our lives is to raise our expectations of what’s possible.”
Just as we can’t unsee what’s been seen, we can’t unfeel what’s been felt. Once we experience the delicious and powerful states of connection that are available through the practices of Advanced Sexual Stamina our expectations for what’s possible in every area of our lives and relationships are transformed. The default level of connection that we’d been settling for no longer suffices.
How Do I Bring Up Advanced Sexual Stamina With My Man?
Here’s the deal women: Men want to please you, but it’s been socialized into so many of us that performance in the bed = value as a man/human being. We grow up through adolescence being given extremely poor lessons on how to view women, sex, and our bodies, and are pretty much expected to turn out being confident, intuitive lovers. This model for male education is beyond broken.
For the fortunate few men who realize that more is possible their true training typically begins much later in life. I have spoken to men in their 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, and even 50’s who are just now taking the first steps toward becoming the supremely sensitive and confident lovers that every man has the capacity to be.
One of the best ways to keep keep him open around this conversation is by tapping into all the reasons you appreciate him. Bring to mind all the things he does to let you know he loves and cherishes you. Ground yourself in this place of gratitude and bring it to your interactions with him.
Hopefully you’re already doing this in every area of your relationship and not only when you’d like something from him. Contrary to cultural myth men are extremely sensitive (even if we don’t realize it ourselves) and will become receptive and trusting when you’re coming from a truly loving and appreciative place. This can’t be faked! It has to be genuine!
If you’ve cultivated strong communication and trust in your relationship it can be as simple as “Hey, I really liked this article/webpage, the man who wrote it has seen some pretty amazing results. He talks about some pretty amazing states of connection and pleasure, and that men are having the best sex of their lives through these practices. I’m curious to see what’s possible if we give this a try together. Can you take a look and let me know what you think about it?”
If you’re not making it a big deal out of it there’s a good chance that neither will he.
It’s important to note that these practices of deep, open connection take learning on the woman’s part too. Are you truly ready to open up more deeply, both physically and emotionally, to your man?
If the answer that resonates through your body is “Yes! I want to experience deeper states of sexual ecstasy, connection, and pleasure!” then speak your desire to him. Tell him that you want to feel him more fully than you’ve ever felt him. Let him know that he’s the one you choose. Let him know that you want to see just how powerful you can make this incredible experience of sex and relationship with him.
Bob Schwenkler is the creator of Advanced Sexual Stamina for Men. If you’re a man who would love to have the best sex of his life and provide deeper and more extended amounts of pleasure to your partner(s) please go to www.advancedsexualstamina.com.
Photo: Ferran Jordà/Flickr