If we just analyze the meaning of “manipulating” we would see that it is the synonym of “use”. Now as the term might declare, an emotional manipulator loves controlling or using the emotions of others specifically.
These kinds of people might be hard to detect but there are some things you can take as a reference. If you have ever felt one or two of these signs, then I strongly advise you to reconsider your relationship.
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1.They act on your weakness
Worse news, they do it deliberately.
They gather all the data they might need and store it in the back of their minds as armor to use when the circumstances are right. You might never feel this as they are masters in hiding their true persona, yet in arguments, you might feel being pointed out or being faced with your deepest secrets and weaknesses coming from your past.
This feels too hurtful especially if those people are the only ones you have opened up to. They might break your trust so much that it might take a lot of time to trust someone else again.
If you have ever got this kind of red flag, please hold your head high and admit what you are actually dealing with. You may not love the answers but remember it is the emotional abuse no one should suffer from.
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2.They are overly kind to the point of emotional attachment
When I write “overly”, I mean it. It is easily understandable when someone is being too sincere with you, oversharing things, opening up right away. These kinds of people are looking for a fast bond in which you can trust them with all your heart.
Once you believe them with your eyes closed, they have set their “emotional” army ready. All it takes is a little bit of confrontation or argument to order them to fire. Trust me they would never second guess to hold it back or show mercy instead of going with the full force.
Before you understand what is going on and realize that they are not the people you thought they were, they would already be moved on and expect you to act like so as well. They will act as of nothing happened and continue being nice to you until next time.
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3.When the opportunity arrives they don’t second guess about playing with your self-esteem
For example, when you don’t want to compromise or do something they don’t like, they would not keep their words to themselves, and start telling you what you might not like about yourself.
They would point out the things that you are the most insecure about and, trust me, they would enjoy it just to get you doing things in their own way.
Or they would remind you of what you don’t like about yourself just to make you attached to them more and say things like there is not anyone else that can potentially love you as they do because you have “flaws” as they might refer.
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4.They will prove you wrong by facing them and catching their fault or lie
It is so rare that a manipulator would stand up for their mistakes and faults and truly admit that they are wrong. It is not about their strong personality as some would define, rather a conscious choice of making the person in front of them guilty of confronting and never dare to speak their minds from then on.
They can call you names, insult you, and even try some sort of physical abuse but some less aggressive ones will simply use tact and bring up different irrelevant conversations or things you have done that have nothing to do with the topic you are arguing about.
They are famous for their gaslighting that they accuse their partner of not remembering things correctly or that they cannot recall everything and deny the things that actually happened.
In this case, there are not several things you can choose to do. You either end the relationship immediately or stay in the argument and constantly remind them of the topic you are supposed to be discussing. If you go so far, they would decide to apply the silent treatment method which is ignoring and even ghosting the partner to the point of unbearable emotional pain and “teaching” them some kind of lesson for not to open the unwanted topics anymore.
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Bottom Line
Manipulative people have insecurities and this is the core reason why they love to play with others. No one needs to suffer emotionally, mentally from someone who is suffering from some kind of subtle insecurities that they don’t want to act on. If they are not ready for that, neither should you.
You are not their therapist and you are not supposed to be. You can help them by showing how they act and what might be the reason but chances are they already know what they are doing and benefit from it more.
At the end of the day, it is still your choice to stay in a relationship where you are being manipulated or choosing to take care of your mental and emotional health and wish nothing but the best for them.
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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
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