Clichés give you a feeling of — I already heard that. Are you all reading from the same script or what?
We want to hear something new. Something earth-shattering to shake us into shape and heal our heart magically. Thing is, your heartbreak is not special. Many people from preteens to elders on their deathbeds, get their hearts broken so, everything that could have been said, has already been said. They were probably earth-shattering that first time.
But,
Clichés earned their status as clichés because they’re so obviously true. David Foster Wallace
In light of this and in defense of cliches, here are 5 that you will hear if you are going through a bad romantic situation:
- It isn’t about you.
I never cared for this specific advice in the beginning. How do you mean it isn’t about me?
The guy hates me! He started out loving me. He was so caring and tender. He had my back. I must have done something to turn him and make him become this abusive person.
Calm down.
People grow apart for so many reasons and even if it is always about you, the truth is, other factors contributed too. My abusive ex was lustful. Hated delaying gratification. Needed to grow as a person. Was dishonest with many people. It was only a matter of time.
People grow or don’t grow. People outgrow people. People simply stop liking vanilla and want strawberries. It happens. It isn’t about you — always.
- Love yourself. Know yourself.
I never really knew to stop and love myself or to do any kind of work to know
Love me? What was that? Isn’t that narcissistic? Aren’t there more important things to do with life than to just start — loving myself? You also want me to know myself? What does that even me? I already know myself. What next, you will tell me “learn to stop and smell the roses?”
Thing is, you must learn to not just love yourself but also take the time to study yourself. What kind of person are you will help you determine what kind of person or persons you want in your life. Loving yourself will teach you to know the kind of love you deserve.
— Do you love your company? You may love it too much to hate giving up so much of yourself, for a relationship.
— You may also find out that you hate yourself. If you hate yourself, how do you think the relationship will work?
Love yourself should be a command. Know yourself should be the follow-up command.
- Have boundaries.
Know yourself enough to know what you can tolerate from a person, and what you cannot tolerate. Those are boundaries. Those should make up your dealbreakers or you know them as minor annoyances but know them and how they affect you.
You should know and respect your own boundaries because people learn to treat you based on how you treat yourself. If everything goes, people will treat you like that.
Have your boundaries and also respect the boundaries of others. Both go hand in hand.
- Have your own space and life.
One of the biggest mistakes of my life was building my world around my ex. This led to a co-dependent relationship — chiefly on my side. When someone has you (your joy, your peace) in the palm of their hands, it is not a good place to be because people will people.
Living a life based on anyone’s validation and approval is not a life to live.
Have your own friends that are not your partner. Have your own activities. Will Smith was right on that. When people are happy, they have a happier relationship. When people are stuffed and suffocated they do not live authentic lives.
Bring you — your uniqueness, your talents, YOU. Don’t give up yourself again for another person. Don’t compromise on those values.
- Say what you mean. Mean what you say.
Communication should be open and honest.
— You like it — say so.
— You like it — use your words.
— You hate it — say so.
— You hate it — use your words.
Communication is not meant to be passive-aggressive between partners. Communication should not be a screaming match. Communication should not be emotionally manipulative to get your way or to ‘win’.
Use your words: say what you mean. Mean what you say.
Thank you for reading. Are their other cliches you know?
Please turn on Email Notification for my next post.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS. Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often | Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | ..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything |
—–
Photo credit: Henri Pham on Unsplash