Before I begin, I want to let you know that this article contains *spoilers, so please stop reading if you are planning to watch this film!
Directed by Celine Song, Past Lives is a romantic film that explores themes of friendship, relationship, romance, love, destiny, and encounters. The film is structured in three acts. The first act takes place in Seoul, South Korea, where we are introduced to two childhood lovers, Na Young, and Hae Sung. In the second act, Na Young’s family emigrates to Toronto and we are reintroduced to Na Young as Nora. 12 years after leaving Seoul, Nora, and Hae Sung reconnect and chat online. It’s another 12 years before Nora and Hae Sung meet again. During this final act, Hae Sung finally meets up with Nora and her husband, Arthur in person in New York City.
Before watching this film, I thought that Past Lives would be a dramatic love triangle where one person gets hurt when a person of the past (as the title suggests) emerges. However, Past Lives is the opposite of dramatic. I enjoyed the beautiful storyline. This is by far one of my favorite love stories. Let’s dive into some takeaways!
The grass is greener on the other side
There is a deep sense of longing for one another. When Hae Sung first reconnects online with Nora 12 years after Nora has emigrated, they hit it off right away and continue to talk every day. Even after they have mutually stopped talking to one another for fear of jeopardizing their careers, both of them have not forgotten about one another. This is evident when Nora reaches out to Hae Sung during a visit to South Korea with her husband, Arthur.
On the other hand, this deep sense of longing may also be exacerbated because of their distance apart. The quote “distance makes the heart grow fonder” resonates here. Physically apart on two different continents, Hae Sung and Nora never officially take their relationship to another level. While there were definitely moments where we could feel both characters anticipating “taking their relationship” to another level, they still failed to at the end of the day. For example, Hae Sung visits Nora in person after he had broken up with his girlfriend, but ends up going back to South Korea anyways. On the other hand, Nora chooses to pursue her career in New York and stops talking to Hae Sung online after they have rekindled their friendship. This prolonged wait, friendship, and distance apart are what keep Nora and Hae Sung apart, but still long for one another over the years.
Timing & circumstances
Who is Nora? “You are someone who leaves,” Hae Sung says.
Hae Sung expresses this beautifully. One of the major reasons why their relationship never progresses to more than friendship is because one person always ends up leaving. Na Young emigrates to Toronto and leaves Hae Sung behind, and then she also leaves him to focus on her career to pursue screenwriting. Finally, she ends up marrying Arthur with an established life in New York.
In fact, the version of “Nora” that Hae Sung has ever known no longer exists. Na Young is the only “Nora” Hae Sung knew and that version of her only exists in South Korea before she left him.
Connection: Inyeon
Inyeon is a Buddhist concept that describes the ties between two people. Apparently, the meeting of two souls is the product of many past and present interactions with one another.
On one hand, we can ascribe Nora’s and Hae Sung’s close relationship and encounters to the strong inyeon they have — even though they are not ex-lovers or lovers, they both share an unbreakable bond with one another.
On the other hand, what if Nora never left Korea? Would their strong inyeon still bond them together? Would they have attended the same university? Would they have gotten married and had kids after that?
“If two strangers walk by each other on the street and their clothes accidentally brush, that means there have been 8000 layers of ‘in-yun’ between them.” — Nora
Compromises
Another reason why Nora and Hae Sung never get together is because both were unwilling to give up the lives and careers they already have. You can clearly see this in Act 2, where Hae Sung asks Nora to visit South Korea and Nora asks Hae Sung to visit New York. Both questions are met with silence.
Instead, Nora decides to stop talking to Hae Sung for the year so that she can focus on pursuing her screenwriting career with a yearlong fellowship. On the other hand, Hae Sung moves to China to learn Mandarin. A year then becomes 11 more years before they meet and talk again.
Regrets? What-ifs?
“What a good story this is. Childhood sweethearts who reconnect twenty years later and realize they were meant for each other. In the story, I would be the evil white American husband standing in the way of destiny.” — Arthur (Nora’s husband)
Arthur’s perspective poignantly adds to our list of what-ifs: What if Nora leaves Arthur to be with Hae Sung? Or what if Nora and Arthur are not the right fit for one another? After all, Nora is Korean American and can deeply relate to Hae Sung on a cultural level.
On the other hand, what if Hae Sung decided to move to New York City earlier to pursue Nora? Or what if Nora never left Korea?
While the film leaves us to consider many what-ifs, Past Lives does a beautiful job of balancing empathy with understanding and care. There are no villains in this love story. Instead, we can all deeply relate to all three of the characters. This moving, poetic love story has left me pondering about love — and how love operates on many levels of inyeon, timing, circumstances, and compromises.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Michael Fenton on Unsplash