I just had my first divorce hearing last week. It was for temporary orders, which are essentially the rules that govern what goes on during a divorce, like who gets to live in the house, to whom and how much alimony must be paid, who gets to drive what car, etc.
I was so nervous. I have an anxiety disorder, so that wasn’t surprising. So I prepared and probably overprepared. Hey, it’s the only thing that helps, albeit marginally. I made sure I and my attorney were on the same page regarding all aspects of the hearing and that we both (and the judge) had all the paperwork required.
You would assume that the other side (ex-husband and his lawyer) would have also been as prepared. After all, my ex is the one who abandoned me, filed for divorce, and has the most to lose asset-wise.
They were not prepared. And they lost.
Here are the top five things I learned not to do during a divorce hearing:
1. Be Late
Yeah, both my ex and his attorney were late to the hearing. And it was a Zoom hearing. My ex was 15 minutes late; his attorney was a half hour late. The judge was not impressed. This hearing had been scheduled for weeks. Both my attorney and I were on-time, even early. The judge even called my ex’s attorney out specifically on this. Every case in the courtroom that day got heard before ours because my ex and his attorney couldn’t show up on time to a Zoom hearing.
2. Not Have Your Story Straight
My ex’s attorney did not have his argument thought out and stumbled through the whole thing. My attorney did, and because she did, she did not waste the judge’s time. It was pretty pathetic watching my ex’s attorney pretend like he knew what he was doing (he mostly practices personal injury and immigration laws).
3. Fail to Disclose All Financial Records
One of the first things the judge noticed was that my ex’s bank account information (aside from joint checking) was missing. He and his attorney had failed to provide those statements.
The other thing the judge called out was a large bonus my ex had received from his employer. The bonus had been deposited into joint checking and my ex promptly took all of it and put it into his private savings account. The judge told him that since that bonus had been earned during the marriage (2022) it was community property and ordered him to give me half.
4. Hide Assets
Another thing the judge was quick to notice was that my ex had cashed out over ten grand in stock options. Neither I nor my attorney knew about this since it had been done less than a month ago. But the judge (who I think I’m in love with now) called my ex out on it. I think this was one of the reasons she ordered him to give me half his bonus from work, and ordered him to continue paying for my health insurance.
5. Make Unreasonable Demands
In his response to my motion for temporary orders, my ex asked the court to allow him to live in our house (he’s currently renting an apartment), and to kick me out by June 1st (which would leave me homeless). He also asked the court to give him my dog (a gift). He refused to pay for my lawyer’s fees (even though he’s a high-earner, the one who abandoned me, and the one who filed for divorce) and offered what my attorney referred to as a “joke” in spouse support.
Essentially, my ex wanted all the assets (including my dog!), even though we live in a community property state where each party is entitled to at least 50% of the assets.
What a joke.
And the judge (who I’m considering proposing to once I’m officially divorced) did not let him get away with it. She ordered him to pay me half his bonus, 4.5 times the amount he offered in spousal support (again, he’s a high-earner), and my health insurance.
What a Loser
As I mentioned, my ex lost this hearing. What makes me laugh (and what should embarrass him) is that the reasons he lost were primarily his own fault. He chose a bad lawyer who doesn’t even specialize in family law and then proceeded to try and hide money, make unreasonable demands, and not show up on time. He’s a loser in both senses of the word!
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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