You’ve been with your partner for a long time. Lately, they’re not taking care of themselves. They’re always tired, and not as fun as they used to be. You find yourself looking at other couples, and feeling envious that their partner still looks so good.
You wonder if you’re with the right person. You wonder if the grass is greener somewhere else.
Stop right there. It may not be them. It may be you.
1. Your partner has heavy responsibilities
They may be raising an infant. Your baby is up all night, every night, and you are not the one doing the night feedings. Your partner has been up all night, giving bottles, changing diapers, and trying to soothe a screaming child.
Your partner is tired. Your partner needs help. And they don’t want to disturb you, because you have a heavy workload. So they suffer alone. They are completely overwhelmed.
And then you wonder why they haven’t showered in a week — or slept.
They have no energy left to do any self-care at all. Their life revolves around an infant.
2. Your partner has started a new job
Your partner is stressed to the max because of their important new job. They now have a great deal of responsibility at their office. This is stressing them out so much, that they’re in a bad mood. They don’t want to fail. They don’t want to let you down.
They may not be sleeping because they are so stressed. And lack of sleep wreaks havoc on a person.
3. You have financial trouble
The truth is that either of you is bringing in enough money to cover the bills, never mind take a vacation. You both are struggling. You can’t afford to buy new clothes or go out. Bill collectors are calling, and the lights are shut out. It’s hard to have a sense of humor when life is so serious.
Life has become a place where you are never having any fun. The struggle never seems to end. Your partner is completely overwhelmed with the financial struggle.
4. You’re living in fear
It’s a stressful time during the pandemic, and many people are not handling it well. It is exhausting, especially for extroverts, to be stuck in a house all day staring at the four walls.
Sometimes a cup of coffee with a friend is the one thing that can brighten up someone’s lonely day.
It’s important in life to develop relationships, to go out in nature, and refresh. Unfortunately, many people are isolating themselves and trying to handle everything alone.
Your partner is fearful of becoming sick or having someone they love die. Fear is taking over. This causes a tremendous amount of stress for a person.
5. They’ve lost interest in things they’ve loved
Your partner used to love to paint in oils and work out at the gym. Now they sit around all day complaining about the unfairness of life.
They’ve become anxious, and harsh with people. They judge everyone and never seem to be happy anymore.
They’ve stopped washing their hair or caring about what they wear when they used to be a fashionista.
They’ve stopped being creative, fun, and spontaneous. They’ve lost interest in things they used to love. These are signs that they may be falling into a depression.
6. They’re tired all the time
It takes everything for your partner to even get out of bed in the morning. All the things that are overwhelming them are driving them into chronic exhaustion.
They may be crying a lot and snapping at you for no reason. Being overwhelmed can affect their mental health. Fortunately, there is help and many therapists can even set up virtual appointments for weekly counseling.
If they’re too tired to get out of bed, it is a cry for help. Don’t ignore it. Check out these signs of depression.
What to do
Now that you see what is causing your partner to let themselves go, you can easily remedy the situation. Remember that your partner is your partner for a reason. You are two halves of a whole unit. When one halve is not functioning up to speed, the other picks up the slack.
- If your partner is up all night with a crying infant, you must take over when you’re finished with your work. You should remind your partner of how much you love them, and how much it means to you that they are giving so much to the family. Arrange to take over the night shift a couple of nights a week to give them a break. You can alternate feedings and caregiving. One parent should not be saddled with all the responsibility.
- Make sure you are doing half the chores at home too. One person should not be stuck doing everything in the home. You both make the mess, you both clean up. One person is not the maid.
- If they’ve started a new job, try to be understanding when they are stressed. Treat them to a delicious meal or take a hike with them in the woods. Listen to them when they discuss their work projects and give constructive feedback. Just listening to your partner can ease their stress.
- Try to help them relax and stop focusing on work all the time.
- If they are stressed because of finances, the two of you should work together to come up with constructive solutions for your financial problems. If you have one car, arrange to have the car home on time, so the other can get to work for their evening shift. Working together will improve both your lives.
- Help each other with resumes, and networking to find a better job.
Remember to always treat your partner like you would want to be treated
They may have let themselves go because they don’t feel you find them attractive anymore. It’s time to compliment them, take them out, and surprise them with thoughtful gifts. Bring home flowers. Treat them to their favorite restaurant, sports event, spa, or concert. Write them a song or a beautiful love poem and give it to them as a gift. Do thoughtful things for them, help them with their chores and projects, and turn on the romance. Once you start treating them better, they may surprise you and go back to being the exciting person you fell in love with.
Remember if your partner has stopped practicing self-care, they could definitely be stressed and overwhelmed and on the way to being burned out. Don’t ignore their cries for help. You can make a difference with them.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Anh Nguyen on Unsplash