I dreaded meeting new people so much that I’d sweat and shake in anticipation. Relationships with others have never come easy, and I struggle to open up and trust people.
You may avoid eye contact, look down at your feet, and mumble. Sheer anxiety stops you from approaching people you like. They take one look at body language like that and label you a doormat.
Networking is crucial to achieving your dreams. Regardless of your level of awkwardness on the social skills ladder, you can improve and discover the benefits of connecting with others. I managed to change my life and find my confidence, and you have to do the same.
1. Any day above ground is a good one.
It’s true that when someone asks how you’re doing, they don’t want an in-depth conversation about your life. But just saying “good” or variations like “fine” or “ok” deprives you of a potential interaction that goes deeper. This interaction came to you and could be beneficial.
Start by writing down a list of interesting, pithy replies to “How are you.” Think along the lines of “any day above ground is a good one.” I guarantee if you say that to someone, they’ll remember you.
You’ll be able to pay more attention to the conversation if you’ve memorized some responses to get over the initial awkwardness.
Be approachable. Keep your head up, looking the world in the eye. Your conversation partner will leave with the impression you’re unique and upbeat, and you’ll grow in confidence every time you pull this off.
2. Do this to overcome the fear of rejection.
Start going for walks every day. As well as the obvious exercise benefits, you’ll start bumping into strangers. Say hi to some of them and build up until you greet everyone. Do it by smiling, making eye contact, and saying hello.
You might break the ice and get a smile and a conversation going. Some people won’t respond. They don’t have to, and you lose nothing. Being ignored will give you a thick skin and help you realize rejection, even at this micro level, is part of life. Get used to it while the stakes are low.
Make small talk at the shops. Chat with a cashier. Interact with everyone at a social event. There’s no limit to the number of people you could meet.
All of this puts you in low-risk situations often. Just enough to get you out of your comfort zone but without any real danger. You give away tiny pieces of yourself to realize the world hasn’t ended.
3. Do this to avoid being labeled as shifty.
Although my confidence has improved, making eye contact remains difficult. My dad used to encourage me to walk with my head up, but back then, I hated myself and found it impossible. I do it now, but it feels difficult.
People see you as more trustworthy and credible if you make good eye contact. When someone doesn’t look at you, they are perceived as shifty and guilty of something, like a feral criminal whose eyes are darting everywhere.
Start being the last person to break eye contact. Stop before it gets creepy, but you can engage in everyday interactions once you know the boundary.
4. Get people to talk about their favorite subject.
Most people think listening involves staying quiet while the other person is talking. They are storing up replies in their head, ready to pounce when there’s a pause for breath. You wish the other person would shut up so you can offload.
But real listening is so much more. If you learn to listen actively, you’ll stand out.
What do people love talking about the most? Themselves. When you listen to them, you gain much more info about the kind of person they are.
Eventually, you’ll be able to spot people’s facial expressions and know when they’re listening or just waiting for you to shut up.
If you combine this with eye contact, people will sense calm confidence in you and recognize you as a leader.
5. The intimacy of silence.
We dread a conversation drying up as if our lives depend on it. While it may feel uncomfortable, trying to fill every gap is much worse.
Being ok with silence shows confidence and intimacy because we share silence with people we know and care about. If you were trying to sell something you knew was poor quality, you’d ramble on and go for the hard sell. This is what people think when you do it in your relationships — that you’re shallow and not fully invested.
Being indifferent to silence can be persuasive. It gives you time to think, so you’re less likely to say something offensive or stupid — which would lead to a much more awkward situation.
6. Just do it.
How many times in your life have you been afraid to do something? Out of those occasions, when has sitting around worrying about it made it better?
Never.
Just do what you must do regardless of how you feel about it. Make action your default response when you leave your comfort zone. Deliberately put yourself in difficult situations that hold your potential to grow.
Stop sitting on the sidelines, preparing and fretting. Thinking is your enemy in these circumstances. This is why you need to start slowly and build up. Say hello to a stranger and see where it takes you.
It all started with a simple hello.
By learning to make eye contact, actively listening, and finding your confidence, you can build more meaningful relationships, and people will see you as honest and someone worth getting to know.
You’ll make others feel good, which improves your life too. It’s a win for everyone.
Ultimately, you’ll feel better about yourself. You’ll have confidence that comes from discomfort and the honest quest for self-improvement.
All these phenomenal benefits to your life and the lives of others all started with a simple hello to a stranger.
Click here to join my Substack community, where we focus on all things related to mental health.
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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