“The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.” — Esther Perel
One of my favorite go-to pieces I have written here is this article.
9 Painful Signs That Your Partner Is No Longer In Love With You
And what you can do to decide whether to salvage your relationship.
In it, I shared some subtle telltale signs that one’s partner is no longer in love with them. In hindsight, I realize that maybe it is not that the partner is no longer interested, rather, that life has gotten in the way of love and maybe the couple needs therapy.
In my local language we say, “kalimagezi ajja luvanyuma”, meaning, wisdom is realized in hindsight.
Love is like a rollercoaster — it has its ups, downs, and unexpected turns. Whether it’s the highs of joy or the lows of challenges, every couple goes through it. If you’re going through a rough patch in your relationship, you might be wondering if couples therapy is the way to go.
I get it. Relationships can be tricky.
That is part of why I’m studying for a Master’s in Clinical Psychology — not just to earn the degree but to really get what makes relationships work and last.
In my own relationship journey, I have learned that it takes a special kind of balance to keep the love alive.
This personal experience is what fuels my academic exploration into the psychology of relationships. I am not just interested in the science; I am curious about the shared experiences that connect us all as we try to build meaningful connections.
Today, I want to talk about the signs that tell you it might be time for couples therapy. It is nothing to be ashamed of. I think it is special how love meets the complicated parts of being human.
Here are 9 signs that may indicate it’s time to seek professional help to salvage your relationship.
1. Constant Communication Breakdown
“Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship. It allows us to connect with our partners, build trust, and resolve conflict.” — Dr. John Gottman, renowned relationship therapist
Healthy communication is the cornerstone of every successful relationship.
However, if you and your partner find yourselves constantly arguing, misunderstanding each other, or unable to express your feelings effectively, it might be a sign of deeper issues.
Couples therapy can equip you with communication skills to navigate conflict constructively and express your needs and desires clearly.
At the heart of every successful relationship are two people willing to communicate openly and honestly with each other, especially when it is hard.
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2. Loss of Intimacy
“Intimacy is the glue that holds a relationship together. Without it, we feel lonely and disconnected.” — Dr. Sue Johnson, author of Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
Physical and emotional intimacy are essential components of a fulfilling relationship.
If you have noticed a significant decrease in physical touch, emotional connection, or shared activities, it’s crucial to address this.
Couples therapy can help you uncover the underlying causes of this disconnect and rekindle intimacy in your relationship.
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3. Doubts and Lack of Trust
“Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy state. Mix the two and you’ll have a disaster.” — Zsa Zsa Gabor, actress
Trust is the foundation of any lasting bond.
If you or your partner experience jealousy, insecurity, or doubts about the other person’s commitment, it can create significant strain.
Couples therapy can provide a safe space to explore these issues, rebuild trust, and heal past wounds.
And it can help you get back to a relationship where you and your partner truly adore each other.
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4. Unresolved Conflicts
“It is not the conflict that destroys us; it is the way we handle the conflict that takes its toll.” — Thomas Crum, author of The Magic of Conflict
Every couple faces disagreements, but it’s crucial to know how to resolve them effectively.
If you find yourselves repeating the same arguments without reaching a solution, it might be time to seek professional guidance.
Couples therapy can equip you with conflict resolution skills to address issues constructively and find mutually agreeable solutions.
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5. Disagreements about Major Life Goals
“When two people are meant to be together, they will eventually find their way, even if the path is long and winding.” — Paulo Coelho, author of The Alchemist
Having different desires and goals for the future can lead to significant tension.
If you and your partner have conflicting views on finances, children, or long-term plans, couples therapy can help you navigate these differences and find common ground while respecting each other’s perspectives.
Unfortunately, major disagreements could also sometimes result into abusive relationships.
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6. Resentment and Unforgiveness
“Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” — Buddha
Holding onto resentment and anger towards your partner can create a toxic environment. If you struggle to forgive past hurts or let go of negative feelings, couples therapy can help you address these issues and develop forgiveness practices for a healthier relationship.
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7. Feeling Emotionally Unfulfilled
“The greatest gift you can give someone is your own undivided attention.” — Richard Branson, entrepreneur
Do you feel emotionally disconnected from your partner or unsatisfied with the level of support and understanding you receive?
If so, couples therapy can provide a space to explore these feelings and work towards creating a more emotionally fulfilling relationship.
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8. External Influences
“If you want to have a happy and fulfilling relationship, you need to learn to manage stress effectively.” — Dr. Mark Goulston, author of Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone
Sometimes, external factors such as family pressure, work stress, or life changes can negatively impact your relationship.
Couples therapy can help you identify these external influences and develop strategies to manage them effectively together.
It is possible to go from stark enemies in your relationship, to super lovers.
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9. Seeking Individual Growth
“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson, American philosopher and poet
Even if you’re not facing major problems, couples’ therapy can be a valuable tool for personal growth and development.
It can provide a platform to improve communication, enhance intimacy, and deepen your understanding of each other and yourselves.
Remember, couples’ therapy is not a sign of weakness but rather a proactive step towards strengthening your relationship.
It is an investment in your well-being and future happiness.
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Final Thoughts
I think that if you are experiencing any of these signs in your relationship, you should seek help.
Do not hesitate to reach out to a qualified therapist or relationship counselor.
Remember, you are not alone, and professional guidance can help you navigate through challenges and build a stronger, more fulfilling relationship.
Here are some resources to get you started:
The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy
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And Now Your Thoughts
Please share your thoughts in the comments section.
Also, always remember that seeking help is a sign of strength and commitment to your relationship. Take the first step towards a happier and healthier future together.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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Photo credit: Esther Tuttle on Unsplash