“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated.” — Brené Brown
I have been a victim of myself in the past for not knowing how to set and keep emotional boundaries for the relationships in my life. It is how I ended up in such a situation.
What are emotional boundaries?
- Emotional boundaries are a clear separation of what is you versus what is the rest of the world according to a conscious rethink.
- Emotional boundaries involve separating your feelings from another’s feelings according to road to growth counseling.
- Emotional or mental boundaries protect your right to have your own feelings and thoughts, to not have your feelings criticized or invalidated, and not have to take care of other people’s feelings according to Psych Central.
In a nutshell, healthy emotional boundaries are those that allow you to maintain a sense of self-control and inner calm during interactions with others.
They help you to be aware of your own emotions and limits and to communicate these effectively to others.
Having healthy emotional boundaries is an important part of maintaining good mental health and well-being.
Why are healthy emotional boundaries so important in relationships?
It is important to have healthy emotional boundaries in relationships because they help to prevent you from becoming overwhelmed by the emotions of others.
They also protect you from getting hurt emotionally by others. When you have healthy emotional boundaries, you are able to set limits with others and say no when necessary.
When you have healthy emotional boundaries, you are able to come off as more confident.
If you struggle with setting healthy emotional boundaries, I have got you covered, today. There are a number of signs that indicate whether or not you have healthy emotional boundaries.
Here are 9 signs that you have healthy emotional boundaries and what you can do if you need to learn to establish healthy emotional boundaries for yourself.
1. You are comfortable saying “no” when you need to.
Saying no is an important part of taking care of yourself.
It can be hard to do, especially if you’re a people pleaser, but it’s so important.
When you say no to something, you’re saying yes to taking care of yourself. You’re saying that your needs are just as important as the other person’s. And that’s okay!
In fact, it’s more than okay, it’s essential.
When you take care of yourself first, you’re in a better position to take care of others.
So next time you’re feeling overwhelmed or like you’re about to break, take a step back and evaluate what you can say no to. It might just be the best thing you do for yourself all day.
2. You don’t feel guilty about setting boundaries with others.
It’s okay to set boundaries with others. You don’t have to feel guilty about it.
In fact, it’s necessary in order to maintain healthy relationships. By setting boundaries, you are essentially creating a space between you and the other person.
Even in romantic relationships, someone that really loves you will respect your boundaries.
This space allows you to have a sense of self-awareness and self-respect. It also allows you to be honest with the other person about your needs and wants.
When you set boundaries, you are communicating your need for respect and your right to be treated fairly.
Ultimately, setting boundaries is an act of self-love. When you love yourself enough to set boundaries, you are saying that you deserve to be treated with respect. So go ahead and set those boundaries.
Your relationships will be all the better for it.
3. You are able to stick to your boundaries even when others try to convince you to change them.
It is important to have boundaries in order to protect yourself both physically and emotionally.
You may have boundaries around how much personal information you share, how physical touch makes you feel comfortable, or what language is appropriate in your presence.
It is not always easy to stick to these boundaries, especially when someone else is trying to convince you to change them. However, it is important to remember that you have a right to set and maintain your own boundaries.
Others may not always understand or respect your boundaries, but that does not make them any less valid. If you find yourself in a situation where someone is pressuring you to change your boundaries, be firm and confident in your decision.
Remind yourself that you are the only one who gets to decide what is best for you.
4. You know your own triggers and how to deal with them in a healthy way.
We all have triggers — things that set us off or that make us react in a certain way. And often, these triggers are things that we’re not even aware of.
They can be small things, like someone using a certain word, or they can be big things, like a major life event.
But whatever they are, we need to be aware of them and know how to deal with them in a healthy way. Otherwise, they can control our lives and lead to unhealthy behaviors.
So next time you find yourself reacting to something, take a step back and ask yourself what the trigger is. Then, remind yourself that you know how to deal with it in a healthy way.
5. You are able to have healthy relationships with people who have different boundaries than you do.
One of the most beautiful things about being human is that we are all so different. We each have our own unique set of values, beliefs, and boundaries.
And while it can sometimes be challenging to maintain healthy relationships with people who have different boundaries than we do, it is possible.
The key is to remember that everyone is entitled to their own boundaries and to respect those boundaries even if they are different from our own.
Everyone has a right to say “no” — and when we can honor that right in others, we open the door to deeper, more meaningful connections.
So next time you find yourself in a relationship with someone whose boundaries are different from your own, take a step back and try to see things from their perspective. It may just be the key to deepening your connection.
6. You realize that not everyone will like or agree with your boundaries, and that’s okay.
It’s so important to have boundaries — without them, we would be a hot mess! Boundaries are key in maintaining our sanity and well-being.
You realize that not everyone will like or agree with your boundaries, and that’s okay. Just because someone does not understand or respect your boundary does not make it wrong.
What is wrong is if YOU don’t have boundaries.
So often we allow others to walk all over us because we don’t want to hurt their feelings or make them mad. But at the end of the day, if our boundary is crossed, we are the ones who suffer the consequences.
It’s not selfish to put yourself first — it’s actually one of the most selfless things you can do. When you take care of yourself, you are better able to take care of others. So stand firm in your convictions and know that you are worthy of having your needs met just as much as anyone else.
7. You don’t let others take advantage of your boundaries.
People often take advantage of others because they can sense that the other person is not comfortable setting boundaries. Especially in one-sided and abusive relationships.
It is important to be able to set boundaries in all relationship areas of your life, whether it is with your boss, your partner, or your friends. When you are clear about your boundaries, people will respect you more. They may not always like it when you say no, but they will know that you are not a doormat.
If someone tries to take advantage of you, don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself. Assertive communication is the key to setting and maintaining healthy boundaries.
Remember, you are never responsible for someone else’s happiness — only your own.
8. You know that it’s okay to change your boundaries as you grow and change over time.
It’s perfectly normal and healthy to change your boundaries as you grow and change over time.
Just as your body changes and develops as you age, so too do your mind and your emotional needs. What was once important to you may no longer be relevant, and new things may become important. It’s okay to change your boundaries as your needs change — in fact, it’s essential.
One of the most important things to remember is that you always have the right to say “no.” Just because you’ve said “yes” to something in the past doesn’t mean you have to continue saying “yes.” If something isn’t serving you or making you happy, then it’s time to re-evaluate.
It’s also important to be clear with yourself about what your boundaries are.
They can be flexible, but it’s important to know where they lie. That way, you can communicate them clearly to others. If you’re not sure where your boundaries lie, that’s ok — it’s something that you can explore and figure out over time.
The most important thing is that you’re honest with yourself and others about what feels good for you.
9. You respect the boundaries of others, even if you don’t agree with them.
Though it may be difficult at times, it’s important to respect the boundaries that others have set, even if you don’t agree with them. Everyone has different comfort levels and needs, and it’s not our place to question or impose our own views on others.
If we can all learn to respect the boundaries that others have set, it will create a more loving and compassionate world. It will also show others that we care about their well-being and that we’re willing to put their needs above our own.
When you can do this, you open up the possibility for meaningful dialogue and connection. You also model kindness and respect, which can help encourage others to do the same. So try to remember to respect the boundaries of others, even when it’s tough. You are both better off for it in the end.
If you need help learning to establish healthy emotional boundaries, there are a number of resources that can assist you. Therapists, counselors, and other mental health professionals can help you to learn more about setting boundaries and how to do so in a way that is healthy for you.
There are also many books and articles available on the topic. Learning about setting boundaries is an important step in taking care of yourself and your mental health.
And Now Your Thoughts…
Please let me know your thoughts in the comments section!
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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