There are moments when sometimes the most hurtful sentiment is one within yourself. I have had a lot of cruel words and actions towards me and at times I responded with a great deal of sadness. But then I realized that sometimes I was the worst bully to my own self.
Sometimes words and actions have been especially hurtful to me because, somewhere within myself, I agreed with them. I agreed that I was not inherently lovable, that I did not measure up, that I was incapable of doing so many things remotely right, that I was just someone who was destined to be a doormat. I agreed with my bullies and treated myself with a lack of self love and self compassion that only I could hurt myself so explicitly painfully with.
I could look at other people with similar qualities as my own and see a million positive things in those individuals, but condemn myself as weak for the same qualities. I could look at people who acted outrageously mean and be considerate of all the meanness it took to make them who they are, but I could not give myself credit for all that I had overcome in my own life.
I submitted myself to being in agreement that, yes, a bully may be adding a giant dose of mean spiritedness towards me and exaggerating my true qualities, but that ultimately they were seeing me in an authentic light.
But I have learned that much mean spiritedness has little to do with who I am. People are so traumatized all they see is their own pain and someone convenient to project it on. I have learned that no one knows me the way I know myself. I have the truth. I have the authenticity. I take the time to listen to myself and what is going on in my heart. No one else can do that for me and even if they could, it is not their responsibility to own. I am the only one with the authority to determine my belief system for my own life.
If you are profoundly hurt by the words and actions of people who are mean to you, perhaps you should examine whether or not you agree with them in some manner. Perhaps you can realize that the power to be kind to yourself is yours and yours alone. It is not about you. Just like no one has the authority to determine the quality of your personhood, you don’t have the authority to determine the quality of their personhood – sometimes the only person you can influence for the better is you. Own that. Be kind to yourself. Have compassion on others and have a special compassion for yourself as well. You’ve got this!
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