My nephew wants to paint his nails black. As a 13-year old teen, who struggles with self-confidence, he looks at fashion and styling trends as a means to explore parts of his identity and communicate it to the world.
Part of me wishes my brother had an easier job as a dad. Part of me is so proud of my nephew’s persistence to be who he wants to be.
Be unapologetically yourself.
A while ago, I stumbled upon an ultra-talented makeup artist on Instagram. This self-taught makeup artist/music creator has a charismatic personality paired with an undeniable sense of humor. He cracks me up each time. But for all his talent and charisma, there’s something else that sets him apart from a sea of content creators.
What makes 135k followers watch more and more of his content is his unapologetic self. His mother is a usual guest at his videos, especially those earlier ones, where she does not stop commenting on his looks; his makeup, clothes, everything. He does not seem shaken. At interviews, he says that his mother has been his biggest bully, and thanks to her he’s strong to face the world.
Why would I, a straight woman in my 40s care to consume this content? Because I’ve struggled with being me. With letting people really see me. With allowing myself to let some people down by making my own choices.
Because this is a great reminder — for anyone at any age — that you can be yourself. You don’t have to explain your choices to anybody else. You don’t have to ask permission from anyone.
Being yourself is the most liberating and empowering act of self-love. Connect with your true self and shine bright like a diamond Rihanna-style.
Standing in your power, in your authentic sense of self, you invite and inspire others to step into their power, and truest expression.
Do not try to please anyone but yourself.
Communication is a big part of what I do at work. Some days it might feel tempting to say what my team or my manager wants to hear. Hell, let’s get over it, right? But would that serve anyone?
When I chose to move and live abroad, I chose to complicate things. This stupid/brave act of starting from zero, came with the challenges of a different culture, learning a language, making new friends, etc.
Along the way, I’ve discovered that some of these new friends were conditional friendships and I was behaving a certain way only to be accepted, to fit, and blend in. As much as we need to fit in in a new environment, we also need to show our true colors. For what is the value of people liking us if they like a version of us that is not our true authentic self?
Setting boundaries, with colleagues, friends, romantic partners, or lovers, being able to say no, to the things you don’t want to do, can be a game-changer and a shortcut to a more balanced and happy life.
Say no to that invitation if you’re not feeling it. Say no to that man who’s asking you out if you’re not interested. Say, the f, no.
You’re so perfectly imperfect.
So I have a tummy. My tummy and I have a long history. We’ve not liked each other. I mean, I certainly did not like her and had good reasons to believe she didn’t like me back. For many years, I was looking at her in the mirror, feeling a total and utter disconnect with her. Clearly annoyed she wants to be part of my body.
We all got stuff we dislike about ourselves. Stuff we wish we didn’t do or didn’t say. Or didn’t eat.
You’re working on your body. And just like everybody else you’ve got days when you take better care of it. When you exercise and make better nutrition choices. But in the meantime, embrace your imperfections and give them the love and care they deserve.
Nourish your body and mind.
Remember my love, you’re not your thoughts. This mind of yours is a wonderful thing; it tells you stories, sometimes filling in the gaps in processing information, seeking meaning. It can take a topic that is heavy and make it lighter with humor, or take a shiny moment and see the darkness inside it.
Your mind, just like your body, can use some good exercise. Meditate. Just like your body, it too needs to rest. Don’t underestimate the value of a good night’s sleep.
Eat the rainbow. It will keep your immune system strong and your skin healthy. It will decrease body inflammation and help prevent disease. Sugar is not your friend. She’s not your therapist. She’s a coping mechanism. She’s just as powerful as you decide her to be; you can tame her.
Romance yourself.
Shower yourself with positive self-talk. Allow yourself to dream, manifest, dare. Talk yourself up. Train that muscle. The more you practice positive self-talk, the easier it gets. Boost that self-esteem and confidence with positive affirmations and get in control of stuff that’s happening in your life to achieve your goals.
Choose your words wisely. We aren’t our thoughts, but our thoughts can feel like us.
Buy yourself those flowers. Fill the tub with your favorite rich foamy bubble bath — hell, add rose petals too, if you’re feeling it. Caress yourself. Give yourself a hug. A pat on the shoulder. Send yourself that card with the pep talk you need to hear. Yes, all of the above. You are worth it.
A story inspired by gingerbread_bae.
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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