We all do it.
Lose our cool.
It’s the last straw. They’ve gone from wasting the tape to pouring their water on the ground. Who does that?
A toddler. A toddler does that, and you’re left cleaning it up.
But it’s the 4th incident today, and you’re exhausted. The dishes are piled up, the laundry is sitting in the washer, and you still need to go grocery shopping. Now there’s a puddle of water that needs wiping up, and you’ve yelled at your toddler to clean it up.
If your little one is anything like mine, they haven’t done it on purpose — in a manner or speaking — or out of spite. They just “did it”. They don’t have a reason behind it other than watching what happens. I yell at her to grab a towel, and something happens.
She’s realized what she’s done.
Now, instead of grabbing a towel, she has thrown herself onto her tiny Elmo couch and started to cry.
Though your 3-year-old is beginning to understand the emotions they are feeling, they still have very little control over them. If they find something funny, they’ll laugh hysterically. If something makes them feel sad or angry, they’ll burst into tears.
Toddlers around 3 to 5 years old act vastly on emotions. If they want to do something, they typically do it. They cry for a snack if it’s denied them or pull a toy from another kid if they want to play with it.
Returning to the above example, I lost it. I yelled at her. I try to keep my cool, but I know she’s capable of cleaning up the water. She’s done it before, so why is she crying?
“Grab a towel and wipe up the water!”
She gets even more upset. I walk over with a towel, and she screams even more as I wipe up the water. There is so much going through her head.
I don’t want to say I’m the “toddler reader” and know exactly what she’s thinking, but I do know how to interpret her actions and what she’s saying.
I take a breath, sit down, and look at her. I wait for her to calm down.
“I’m sorry I yelled,” I tell my daughter.
“That’s okay,” she chokes out between sniffles.
I ask her what’s wrong.
“You’re mad at me,”
She picks up the towel and starts to clean.
She knew she upset me and felt terrible. She wanted to clean it up but was so overcome with her toddler emotions she couldn’t control herself. Then I yelled and exacerbated the situation, like adding fuel to a fire.
Each day I remind myself to give her grace and patience. She has only been here for 3 years. I’m still learning about her every day.
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This post was previously published on Medium.
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Photo credit: Jordan Whitt on Unsplash